Did Anyone

Old 06-23-2018, 03:37 AM
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Did Anyone

revisit a relationship with their ex partners once they were sober for a long time and it work out?
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Old 06-23-2018, 03:51 AM
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Ladybird...I am going to give you a 1/2 answer...….
I have not ever revisited any relationship with a person after it was over....but, I have been friends...more like "friendly", with some exes...…
None of these were alcoholics, though....

I know what you are getting at...so, this may not be of much help to you....
But, after many years of observation...and, what I have read and heard....most relationships that did not work out the first time....don't have a high rate of success, the second time.

I suppose there must be exceptions, though. But, I speculate that BOTH parties must have made significant changes in the important areas of the original conflicts...…..
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Old 06-23-2018, 08:07 AM
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Hi Ladybird, I repeatedly revisited a relationship with an ex. To this day I don't know for sure if he is alcoholic but I suspect he is. Each attempt ended up the same. He could never give me the commitment and stability I need from a partner.

Our last "visit" as a couple was in 1999. It was short-lived and hurtful.

However, our feelings were real and we have a bond that is still alive today, but it is from a distance and it is a nice, supportive friendship. From time to time he's tried to rekindle the romance but I have zero interest and he accepts that. He's a wonderful friend but an awful partner, for me.
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Old 06-23-2018, 08:22 AM
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This is my stance on rekindling relationships and it has nothing to do with substance abuse. I have gotten back together with an ex twice in my life both were complete disasters and I was left more hurt than the first time. I learned that while it may work out for some it doesn’t for most and it’s in general a bad idea. Add addiction to that. No thanks. Protect your heart and sanity and just stay friends.
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Old 06-23-2018, 09:11 AM
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I never have, and I never would.

If someone misbehaves/hurts me enough that I want to break up with them, it's over in every way for me. I don't want to be "friends" or lovers or ever give them any more intimacy. Fool me once...

It's easier to quit something when it's taken completely off the list of options.
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Old 06-23-2018, 09:13 AM
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I am not going there lol. No way. I was asking opinions cos people think I should consider it. Thank you for your replies. It has given me ammunition if the subject is brought up again.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:13 PM
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I did once and it turned out to be a good thing because it reinforced why I should break up with him.

Not sure why people don't get that? There are millions of great people in the world! Doesn't mean we are meant to be in a relationship with them.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:53 PM
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There are millions of great people in the world! Doesn't mean we are meant to be in a relationship with them.

I totally agree. I am surprised people I know think my ex and I would be good together cos we never were before. He's happy doing his own thing. Am happy doing mine.
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Old 06-25-2018, 08:18 AM
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That is my way of thinking right here. Can’t undo some things

Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
I never have, and I never would.

If someone misbehaves/hurts me enough that I want to break up with them, it's over in every way for me. I don't want to be "friends" or lovers or ever give them any more intimacy. Fool me once...

It's easier to quit something when it's taken completely off the list of options.
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Old 06-25-2018, 10:04 AM
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The worst relationship of my life was with a recovering alcoholic (14 years) and I would never engage with another one. He had no program but I doubt that would have made much of a difference. Even Bill Wilson was a big womanizer which is why his wife Lois started Alanon.
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