This was good, thanks. I also like the wheelbarrow analogy.

If I were to see a lot of red flags in a new relationship, I would not think, "Am I paranoid?" I would think, "Have *I* fallen into a pattern of behavior that attracts nutjobs, or am I trying to rationalize unusual behavior?

I had to be okay with being alone before I started dating again. My mindset was, I may never meet someone. Never. Deal with THAT, make a life, and if someone comes along who is worthy of my time and effort, fine. My case was a little different, because being a woman in my fifties, there weren't a lot of single, sane men who would be considered peers.

There is something to be said for moving slowly in a relationship. My new guy was not flashy. He didn't proclaim love right away. He had a life and activities that were meaningful to him. He didn't dump them to love-bomb me, nor exclude me from joining him, if I wanted. It was nine months before he *said* I love you. The respect, concern, and caring were obvious all along.