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-   -   my heart (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/425821-my-heart.html)

mmhanse 04-03-2018 03:48 AM

my heart
 
Back story... my son is in recovery, almost 1 yr clean and sober. I went through alot with him.My fiance of 5 yrs is an alcoholic.He has a son that is 12, and I believe he has ODD. When he visits its a mess. Not only do I run a bussiness from my home, but i deal with my fiances drinking ( 6 beers and a bottle of vodka a nite) but his son as well. I dont know where or how to turn. My life is upside down, and i support it all almost alone. He always has what he needs ro drink, and never falls through with what he saids. He isnt a dad at all so it falls on me. He lies, has cheated, and ruins our date nites. He left me alone to hang out with a couple we just met and almost got into a bar fight. I dont know how to deal with any of it.

decchemist 04-03-2018 04:11 AM

Sorry to hear your problems. You may not get a lot of response in this part of the forum. If you post in 'newcomers' or 'friends and family' sections you will get a lot of help and support.

DesertEyes 04-03-2018 08:49 AM


Originally Posted by decchemist (Post 6846517)
... If you post in 'newcomers' or 'friends and family' sections you will get a lot of help and support.

This thread is currently in the correct forum, Friends and Family of Alcoholics.

Mike :)

Berrybean 04-03-2018 09:02 AM

Just out of interest, why are you WITH this man? It doesn't sound like he had anything to offer you at all. What woukd it take for you to walk away and give your self a chance of being happy?

BB

Ladysadie 04-03-2018 09:14 AM

Well for starters, it sounds like you are carrying far more of this relationship than is fair. Personally I wouldn't be calling this BF my "fiancé" because if he is cheating on you, not "manning up" and taking care of his son, or not sharing in the bills ... I wouldn't want to be marrying him and I'd be inclined to ask him to go. Relationships rarely improve once you get married so figure he is on his Best Behavior (not!)

The book, Co-dependent No More, by Melody Beattie is a fast read and has a wealth of knowledge. It will open your eyes about boundaries and such. I would find it offensive if my BF drank to the extent you report yours does.

Once you find your bearings in what an equitable healthy relationship looks like, you will start to feel your power. Right now it doesn't sound like you have any and that you are being used.

SparkleKitty 04-03-2018 10:14 AM

I have to tell you, mmhanse, that there is no way a wedding is going to magically change this person into a responsible partner or father.

dawnayers 04-04-2018 02:01 PM

Sending prayers for answers and strength.

Maudcat 04-04-2018 05:36 PM

Hi, mmhanse.
Welcome to SR.
You will find much support here.
Your relationship, as described in your post, does sound pretty lopsided.
I agree that marriage maynot be the best idea right now.
Then you will be REALLY stuck.


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