Anger
 

I’m not ready to detach. To me that means I’ve accepted this.

I’m angry and it comes and goes. I got angry tonight and then my H got angry cause I got angry. He’s manipulating me right?

Supposedly he’s been sober for 5 days. Something happened 7 days ago. I can still be angry about that.

Looking for validation that my anger doesn’t have a time limit.

7 days? 7 days is nothing!!!!

I suspect you're not angry just about the incident 7 days ago, but all the alcoholic behavior attached to that which could have possibly lasted years ( I wouldn't know just based on this one post.)

If he wants you to forget his presumably alcoholic behavior, to me that's like saying "Hey I had an affair! I stopped seeing the person 7 days ago, so everything's OK now. Why are you still angry?"

I express my anger and thinks I’m checked out and ready to end this. He gets horribly depressed. I feel like it’s not fair that I can’t be angry by it makes him want to drink.

Everything makes him want to drink. Don't let him put that on you.

If showing your anger causes problems, you may have to work on keeping it under wraps.

I couldn't do that for long. Eventually it has to be dealt with, but on a timetable and in a way that is acceptable to you.

Detaching doesn't make the emotions stop, it just gives you time to make a plan and gives you a little more peace.

Just to normalized

When I finally let myself get angry it was there for a long time.......it had been stuffed for a long time though.

I am talking on order of years off/on.

I think what you are experiencing is pretty normal.

And he drank one the way home. I sent him to bed so my children wouldn’t see it. He was stumbling and peed himself.

Angrymarble...I am sending you the following link to our extensive library of excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones....I hope you will take time to read through them.
Knowledge is power.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html

The 3 Cs....you didn't CAUSE it/you can't CONTROL it/ and you CAN'T fix it.....

Only he can do that...it has to come within him...when and if he ever wants to get sober enough to do the hard work....

Anger is an automatic feeling that comes when a person feels that they are not getting what they are due or have been done wrong, in some way.....
It is a feeling....and all feelings are valid (how we manage them is another matter, of course).....

Im sorry for what you are going through. This is life with an addict 101.

Hit some meetings or a therapist, that's all you can do for you and your kids.

Thanks, I read some articles but can revisit.

And I have a therapist, I wish I could speak to her daily. I’m also seeing someone else next week who deals with alcoholism.

And that makes me angry @ it’s his disease; why am I the one with all the work?

Angrymarble.....you have work to do because it is the only way to save your life....The things you will be doing are for YOU and your welfare...not as a punishment....
Actually, he would have a lot...a LOT...of work to do if he were ever to decide he wants to get into real recovery....

A Joke...(sort of)....A woman was crossing the street and was hit by a speeding auto....When the ambulance came, the attendant informed her that her leg was badly broken and that they were taking her to the hospital...She, angrily, replied "I am not going to go anywhere! That driver caused this---make him go!"

There is no one who has lived with a practicing alcoholic who is not damaged, to some extent by the experience.....alanon, therapy, etc. is to help you to recover and heal from that damage....

So true. When the dust settles (...and it may be a while), you'll appreciate the efforts you put into working on yourself. You'll be in a good place to handle anything that comes your way.

am,
You are exactly right, He is the one with the drinking problem, so why am I on the forums seeking help. Every one of us feels that way. The issue is that he doesn't have a problem with his drinking, you do, so its really not his problem to fix, it is yours. He is over 21 and is legal to drink. It is legal for him to drink himself to death, which addicts do everyday.

There is a saying on SR, something like "You can always see an alcoholic family by the crazy sober spouse". This is the part of the "family disease of alcoholism", it is not only about the addict. It makes the family members crazy and we are not the addict.

Do your homework. See if this is what you want in a year, two years or 34, like I did. Its not fun and just like Dandy said we are all damaged in some way by our addicts.

I look at my kids and see one child "the peace keeper" and the other who is angry and despondent. I am not proud of how I "survived" my life with my addict, would I have done it different, absolutely. I would have never subjected myself to years and years of mental abuse, I would have known better to get myself and kids out earlier. I wished I wasn't so "strong" and fought tooth and nail to save a sinking ship, because all it did was take me down. Now I fight every day to be seen and heard and speak my voice. But yes, I have been forever changed by what this man has done to me.

Take care of you and your kids. He is a grown man and doesn't need someone to tell him what he should or shouldn't do. We all have choices in life, if he chooses to drink over your marriage, kids, or job, it is out out of your control. Hugs!!

Anger is such a powerful voice.

More than anger
 

30 years...of being picked apart, stonewalled, manipulated. 10 of drunkenness. I can't constrain my anger at him. It comes out in strange places, and he is baffled as to why.

After allowing myself to be drawn into an argument last night over the size of a television (seriously, it was over that), I did some reading this morning.

http://alcoholicsolutions.com/alcoholic-pusing-buttons/

And the link doesn’t work....
Google that topic.

There is absolutely no limit to feelings, or the amount of time it takes to build trust. Know that.

This is not a race, it's your life. Hugs

Challenger, I reposted your link and apparently my super powers are working today b/c this link does seem to work...the mysteries of the internet, eh? Anybody need any other magic worked while my mojo is working? ;)

Coping With An Alcoholic Pushing Your Buttons | Alcoholic Solutions

What we need, no amount of magic will ever cure it.

Oh, Challenger, it is so strange--part of it is just plain old hard work, but part of it comes right straight out of the heavens just when I least expect it, w/no effort on my part at all.

One of the things I've learned is that while I am not the source of that magic and I cannot control its flow, I can most certainly make myself a conduit for it. Not to hijack the original thread, but just to share this: The Hollow Bone Practice - Liminal Somatics