Anvil, they covered it in the newspaper because it is illegal. They cannot evict me for walking my dogs on the lawn. He just sounded so down and out but not drunk. My heart was pounding because I was in deep sleep and the phone was in the hall. I woke and couldn't understand where and which phone was ringing. I had so much to say that I was thinking all these months but when he called I couldn't say anything.

Heya Ituvia, if you have three zillion ideas of what you could-have/would-have/should-have said, then you are totally normal. Let these thoughts come and let them go in the merry-go-round that they are.

I think you know rationally that nothing you could say will change anything.

As always be nice to yourself. :grouphug:

I meant when he finally got hold of me on the phone, I couldn't say anything. It's like there was a wall. I am not in a good place right now :( All those memories are back.

You mean all the bad memories and all the inconsiderate things he said and did to you? I would imagine getting a phone call from a known alcoholic at 2:45AM would jar a lot of those hurtful and disrespectful memories.

How are you doing with your reading up on Stockholm syndrome?

I haven't read anything in three days :( I am so conflicted and trying to decipher the call.

WHY? What’s this one drunk phone call going to change in your life? It’s not like he called you at a decent hour and said “I just wanted to say how sorry I am for all the hurt and pain I have caused you and I am not 90 days sober and getting my life on track and maybe someday down the road we could go out for a cup of coffee”. NO, that is not what he did or said at all.......stop trying to re-write history so that it isn't as bad as it really is. There is absolutely nothing to decipher!!!

Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. Start feeding it with truth and self-love and stop feeding it with made up lies and fairytales.

Here, let me assist you. It decodes as: %^&*()_+.<gibberish>

Meaning, there is nothing logical to decipher. A phone call at 2:45 a.m. is just that: a telephone call at 2:45 a.m. It robbed you of a good night's sleep.

You are letting *HIM* continue to push YOUR emotional buttons.

Stop it.

Take control of YOUR emotions. STOP giving HIM control over what YOU feel.

End message.

MCE Saint