Perhaps the worst thing I heard from my exh
 

No man ever wants to listen to a woman, they only pretend to, so that they can get sex.

I hear this in my head over and over. I come to this forum and I see so many decent men here that I don't think would ever think that of me.

I want that voice to go away.

amy

I heard much of the same from my ex at the end. Amy, praying fervently that God sever the soul ties with your ex so that you can heal. His voice will fade....each time that voice pops in your head do me a favor and replace those words with positive affirming words....you can do this!!

Hugs.

I have made many friends here, where I moved to. Almost all are male friends. It's once they pass the line and might want to date me, I am done with them. (I hear that voice in my head that they are just going to use me). I'm just done.

amy

It is only the men who live from the animalistic parts of their brain that are like that. To be fair, women in that place too also use men the same way.

eg, addicts, dysfunctional people.

I think only incredibly immature men think that. It's like something a 17 year old would say!

May I share that the worst thing AH said to me was that I am not a proper woman as I have not had children!! Boom tish!

They are sick, they say stuff.

Are there men that do that? SURE

There are women who use sex as a tool as well.

Your Ex is a bonehead. Of course he had to manipulate the situation to get laid. *Sigh*, he doesn't even see that he defiles himself by saying he had to work at, lie, and manipulate to get sex, when normal men don't.

A's are emotionally stuck in the age they were when they started "using".....don't take it personally.......he is "quacking"-quack-quack-quack

I have MANY women friends whose company I enjoy, and am a celibate Catholic layman.

Amy, I have a huge distrust of basically all men right now. However, when I logically think about it, I know they are not all alike. Look at some of the men here, they are fine people who their wives are lucky to have, and the shoe is many times on the other foot in these cases.

Hugs to you.

In general men are more on that spectrum than woman. We all should know that. With that said, most men greatly enjoy and appreciate the company of a woman for many more things than sex.

I'd love to just spend time with a woman who is sober and emotionally healthy. Sex would be the last thing on my mind - I would just love being able to relax, laugh, and talk to them.

^ if I'm ever in Ohio, we should grab a cup of coffee ;)

Sounds like a plan!

This.

Whatever the words, it is all insane quacking. Is not personal. It would be said to whoever is in front of them at the time.

something I think you could do is accept the statement as completely false and look at the source the statement came from.
then forgive the sick jackwagon.

I have a handful of male friends - purely platonic - but souls connected through humor, the love of being outdoors, fishing, building stuff or riding (mostly stuff ma girls don't really care for.) I don't believe they want to have sex with me - we just 'get' the good stuff - together, and it is deeply meaningful without any sexual tension, pressure or expectation.

They are out there, all over the place! Your ex is QUACKERS!

((((((((Amy))))))))
He's a d!ck... You are wonderful and there are loads of men out there who would be honored to listen to you!

but I know what you mean...
Mine told me I will never be a "real woman" because I put the kids' needs before his needs.
Even though I know I drove myself crazy trying so hard to "meet his needs" (way harder than I probably should have) and take care of the kids and work full time.... I still hear him saying that, and I wonder (not that I'm ready for a new relationship!) if future men in my life will think the same thing...

When I was about 8 my dad told me he loved my mom more than he loved me.

When I was about 11 he told me no man would ever want to marry me after I burped at the dinner table.

Some things are just hard to forget, even if you know they're bs....

((((hugs)))) Amy. I know exactly what you mean about hearing his voice. FOG makes an excellent suggestion about when you hear that phrase -- or any phrase in his voice that was ingrained into your psyche over the years of abuse -- to replace it with something positive. It's been really hard for me to do, but the first step, which you've already taken, is to hear it and recognize it for what it is. (Not yours / not true / not valid.)

The thing is, when an abusive partner says something long enough, it does become kind of stuck in our minds. That's the truly s--t part of abuse: taking on the stuff they want us to believe, even though we *know* it's not true - or at lease once knew it to be false - or hoped it to be false. Bruises heal. Wounds scar. Broken bones re-knit. Though our body may never be exactly the same again, it's simpler to point to the physical hurts and say "That is wrong." The words are so much harder to ferret out, recognize as abuse, and re-learn what is true. Often, the abusers know where our insecurities lie and twist those to use them as the basis for their control. So not only are we fighting their conditioning, we're fighting our own self-doubts, our own fears.

However. I firmly believe we can make their (the abuser's) voice diminish and I'm hopeful we can make it go away altogether. Each step we take to rebuild our self-esteem reduces it's power. Each time we hear it, say "Stop", and acknowledge that it's not 100% true, it loses it's strength. Each time we're able to point out specific examples of the truth, we walk further away from its source. When we find living examples of why that voice is not true and accept them into our life - whether it's as a friend, a new lover or (maybe, especially) just ourselves - we affirm how strong/brave we actually are and that it's stronger/braver than that voice. Eventually, I believe, we'll get to a point where we start to believe there are others who are worthy of trust, and start to trust ourselves again.

Deep breath, Amy. You're going to be OK. You already are. You are loved. You are worthy of love. And you're so much braver than you give yourself credit for. (((((hugs))))

the worst thing I ever heard my AX say was "No other man will ever want you."

Sue