I can't think of a title..
 

So I haven't posted for sometime now. Things are a whole load better I haven't seen my ex for 6 months and haven't let contact with our child either due to the drinking. But I find this out today and I feel sick! His best drinking buddie had been up on a rape charge, also been accussed of interfering with children but not enough evidence. I don't even want to think why he hangs out with him....but I needed to tell someone.

Oh mate that's terrible. Poor woman, poor children. I wouldn't let the kids near him unsupervised. I ask the same question - why is this bloke his best buddy?

I agree with Steely, that's terrible. I also agree that I wouldn't let the kids near him unsupervised. It's a good thing you haven't let your ex have contact with your child in six months.

However sick and twisted this all is, it's good that you know that man has faced a rape charge and has been accused of interfering with children. Now, if you ex is ever allowed to be in contact with you kids again, you'll know about his best drinking buddy and will be able to take the appropriate actions so that your kid is never in contact with that man.

Sounds to me like you and your children are well out of it Dodge.

D

I didn't think anything would shock me anymore when it comes to the ex and his antics. He won't be near my children again. But that is the question that's running round my head, as he's known for a long while about this mans past....why carry on drinking with him.

Dodge, I would say he keeps on drinking with him because he's someone to drink with...

From all the stories I've read here and what I've experienced in the past year, Alcoholics are not know for their sound and logical reasoning!

I dunno Kata it doesn't sit right with me, I know their a pretty low on their moral standards, when wanting someone to drink with. But beings as it's his friend of a long time I question it...

Dodge, what is it exactly that you question? That by by still associating with his him while knowing that, he may share the same tendencies (or sick, sick ways) of his buddy?

If that is what you are questionning, then I suggest you listen to your gut feeling. If there is even the glimmer of a doubt for the safety of your child in that regard, I suggest you promptly contact a lawyer and see what can be done about it.

I don't know where you are from, but I know that here in Québec (Canada) my ex SIL asked the Courts to order and psych eval for her ex in regards to his sexual tendencies/perversions... The Court decided that for the safety of the children, he was only allowed supervised visits and that he was never to be left alone, not even for 5 minutes, with the children.

That is what I question, I'm in England but I will be seeking advice on it Monday morning.

Hi Dodge,

I'm really sorry this is happening. Good luck!

They didn't meet through drinking they spent rather a while together sharing a cell in jail.

Just sending hugs. The longer they drink, the lower their morals seem to go. And anyone can be a drinking buddy when that's all there is in common.

I'd be listening to my gut too Dodge. He knows the charges his 'buddy' is facing and that in itself sends up red flags for me. Glad you are getting advice on Monday.

Your post reminded me so strongly of a guy named Jimmy Lerner and his book, "You Got Nothing Coming: Notes From a Prison Fish." It's biographical; he ended up in jail after killing a guy. As you read, you find out that the writer is an alcoholic who has dabbled in recovery but only dabbled. His wife has just divorced him b/c of his alcoholism and he is on his own. He meets a new neighbor who is NUTS, severe mood swings, makes sexual comments about young girls, etc. He hangs out w/this guy on and off, knowing full well that he is serious bad news. Things culminate in a trip to Vegas where the neighbor goes off the deep end and starts making threats against the writer's children. So the writer kills him, breaking his neck w/a belt. And goes to jail. And writes about the whole thing as if well, what could he have done different? After all, the guy threatened his daughters; of course he had to kill him. It doesn't seem to occur to him that he should never have been there w/Mr. Crazy Guy in the first place--if he'd used an ounce of judgment, he wouldn't have been there.

I found myself repeatedly asking the same question you ask here: Why on earth wouldn't the writer just stop hanging w/this guy once it was clear he was violent and disturbed? But he doesn't stop, and even when he's been convicted and jailed, he seems to not get that he could have prevented all this. I thought the whole book had a tone to it that I think any of us who've lived w/A's would find very familiar.

I think I will probably give that book a look tonight if I can find it. I guess it's a case of being so far down the rabbit hole he doesn't think with any logic or reason....maybe? I'm just lost with this one.

My local library had the book, Dodge, so you might look at yours and save yourself some $$. There is likely an online catalog you can check to see if they do have it.

May try and get down there tomorrow, as they don't have it on my app store.

they spent rather a while together sharing a cell in jail.

and had lots and lots of time to TALK...........

this whole thing totally creeps me out. i hope you and your precious child never EVER have contact with the EX again. i believe you DODGED a bullet.........

My thoughts ^^

My thoughts too ^^^. You can read as many books as you like but when it comes to the cubs the lioness steps in. LOL. It doesn't sit well with me Dodge.

It's a real tough one....as I can't just go pointing the finger as it's really rocky ground and to wrongly accuse him could cause some many problems.

Hi Dodge, you are indeed stuck between a rock an a hard place. At least, you have doubts abd are aware of his friends "situation". You can now keep an eye open. As he doesn't have custody of your child, you can feel "safe" in that respect. If he ever wants custody ir access, you can see then what can be done to prevent that.

Until then, I would make sure there is now way he can have access or contact with your child. Make sure he can't go to the school, that no family member will ever let him within 10 feet of your child, etc.

I've made things pretty difficult for him anyway beings as he only tries to use contact to be in my company or home. Also I've already been able to look at his criminal record a while back given his past history and dramas. Luckly he's not close enough to have regular contact.

I did get advice today as I do like to get everything in black and white. If he was to push through the courts for access he doesn't really have a leg to stand on. The most he would get is a contact center and he won't do that as it would mean no contact with me.

Good to hear Dodge. Keep your eyes open, and I do understand that you can't make unfounded accusations, but they can be slippery. I am just very protective of children because they are so vulnerable and have no voice as compared to an adult.

Very true they trust me to protect them. Part of me thinks I should just come right out and ask him, why he's friends with this guy.

It would be good to get his view on it.

You could learn a lot from that because I can't think of anyone who would choose to be a friend with someone who had such accusations laid. If he is guilty.

Might have to see the results of the trial but from my experience children are seen as being unreliable witnesses because they are so young and are eaten alive by the Defence.

Sad thing is I already know what reaction I'm going to get, and not a nice one. My thoughts are how do you get in that situation where you are accused of such terrible things and not once but twice?

It doesn't seem good if you can't even talk about such an important issue. Twice is two too many times for me.

Right now I can't talk to him I don't even want to try. We only exchange texts ( I don't get in to phone conversation at the moment because I take the bait everytime and he ruins my day). The last text I got a few days back saying" I have no drink problem I'm celebrating how wonderful my life is" And then another " I want Dna and my name wiped off the birth certificate, you are a dirty ***** who can't be trusted" And another " I miss our child when can I come over".