This is really tough to go through. When my son finally asked for help, a therapist who by God's grace was able to talk with him and me about rehab. I said I wanted minimum 90 to 120 days. He panicked about that long. She said don't set him up for failure. He did 60 days as he agreed and then sober living. He had relapsed once while in rehab. Realized what he did. They let him continue the program. He is now 20 months sober. I thank God every day. He realized he wanted sobriety more than anything. Our family has and in some ways still healing but we are doing better. That councilor was such a blessing to us. Keep strong and when you feel being manipulated or weaking. Take a step back reassess the situation then decide what to do.

Thanks Daisy.
I am so glad for you and your family.
Gods in control.
I feel it and He's giving us the strength and wisdom to be there for her but firm.
I know it's not going to be easy but I'm praying things can be not so hard met with resistance.
I'm also praying doors will open for her for the right help and close for the wrong help.
She's opening up lots again today talking about withdrawal ...down to 1/2 a pill a day but sweating and muscle pain and headaches And palpitations.
Not easy .

So sorry for your loss Blue. Caring thoughts your way

Blue, I think you have done everything you can as a parent. It sounds like she is doing some soul searching. It also sounds like she desperately wants to go to school, hopefully to make something of herself.

I would say it's time to let her do this. Form boundaries and stick with them, protect yourself. I also think it's important for her to have a support system, both within your family, and outside of it.

Many, many hugs. You are a good momma!

Thank you so much and we see her desire to make something of herself ...glad you saw it too .
My sister in law just said the same she needs support outside the family as well.
We're hoping /praying we can put some in place but most of all God can.
Let go and let God.

Blue....I'm just spitballin' here---but I have a couple of questions.....
does this plan include your putting out a significant amount of funding?

Is this a plan in place of rehabilitation/treatment for her significant problems?

The schooling is likely to fall apart without addressing her addictions and other psychological issues.... Then, of course, you will be right back at square one with additional loss of money......

I fear that she is lulling you into a false sense of hope...so that she can avoid treatment and have you support her lifestyle.....

I just think that these are important questions to ask yourself....(and her).....

dandylion

First off, don't believe a word she says about the Doctor unless you hear it from the doctor.

You made her doctor aware that she had a serious addiction to prescription drugs. And then your daughter made a lot of claims about the Doctor. This is classic manipulation, and she doesn't seem to care that she could be potentially ruining this Doctor's practice and life.

The Doctor does have their job to worry about - and you really cannot blame them for that. I don't know the exact rules on culpability in Canada, but if a doctor knows they are dealing with an addict and keep prescribing drugs, I'm sure they can get into some trouble. And I don't think it's unusual for her Dr to show you her medical records when she said herself she was threatening to sue. It may be against protocol, but this is a Dr. that now has information that your daughter has some serious addiction problems. If it were me, any future discussions with the doctor would be taken as objectively as possible. That means not taking what your daughter says as fact. In fact, you've told the Dr. what the Dr. has a right to know - so it may be a good idea to just step back and not involve yourself in this conversation.

I don't want you to take offense to this at all, but I don't blame the doctor for considering dropping her as a patient (and you as well, because prescription addicts have a way of manipulating their loved ones into getting scripts at times). You opened up a can of worms for this doctor - and I don't blame you for that at all. You told them what they needed to know. But, please realize you did open up a can of worms for this doctor that opens up repercussions to them.

I mean, think about it. The moment your daughter's access to meds was threatened, she turned you against the doctor. Within a matter of a day. Now you're questioning the Doctor, based largely on what your daughter is saying.

I am sure the death of a loved one over something that she also has a problem with has shaken her foundation. That's a tough thing to deal with. Especially when she's been hit with a real life example of what could happen if she keeps following this path, but without a real plan set in place to keep this from happening to her.

I'm really glad you guys are working on a plan of action. If it were me, school would be out of the question without treatment. As in treatment first, then school. Treatment is very involving, and I fear that one would be setting themselves up for failure to try to do both. Maybe school can be a goal to reach, and a motivation during her treatment? Working and school fulltime is a difficult task for anyone. And honestly, neither should be a focal point for any conversation. Treatment should be the focus.

I am hoping for the best for you and your daughter. This is a really tough situation all around, with the death and the addiction. I hope you are taking the time to care for yourself during this time. You do need your own strength as much as your daughter needs hers.

She has support for school through government .
We are not funding it nor would we.
I am concerned too believe me.
But like I said she is at home not partying.
She is going to start counselling next week.
She is weaning off and not drinking or using.
She has been loving and not aggressive.
She has to go to 12 step once a week as well.
Some people don't need rehab if they have support
Food and shelter and a outpatient program in place.
We have had the conversation about school just adding more stress etc
Time will tell.
She is down to 1/2 mg of lorazepam a day from 2 mg.
I know she is so stubborn and she would not even do one of these things and she is open to them now .
She also paid rent remember how adamant she was about that?
We have to give her a chance.
She's young enough there is hope.

Yes I realized this with the Dr .
I also saw the Dr scared.
I can see the first day she had me believing her but the next morning I already thought hmmm...not adding up.
I don't know how bad things are for her.
Some people can quit and move on with there lives as soon as they make there minds up.
I've seen it.
My hands are tied with the school thing.
She had gone to her counsellor alone and that was there plan.
Quit work go to school.
It's only 5 months.
She has a goal and she seems to want it bad.
She can collect ei when she quits .
That being said the course she's taking has to be available and I don't know when or if there is one available.
May not be till spring or summer.

How is she doing with the withdrawal? Benzo withdrawal is severe. Don't hesitate to get medical attention. Seems to be a fast taper.

I hope she gets off it. Is she seeing any kind of medical management while she is going through withdrawal?

No not really the Dr just said she won't be giving her anymore.
She was having bad withdrawal. A week ago.
She said she talked to 911 operator about it.
Last night she was scared that would happen again but today she seems fine but scared to talk about it.
I said call the pharmacist if it gets worse.
I have no idea if the Dr gave her more to taper off slower...she says no and that's what she's worried about when she runs out.
She had severe night sweats panic and pain 2 weeks ago.

Benzo tapers are said to be very bad
Would she be able to get some illegally?
That's something to watch for. . .
I really hope it goes well for all of you,
and she really does kick it and follow-through.

Be mindful and still have a Plan B if needed

She has stopped all contac with her " friends " since Christmas Eve.
So no I don't think she is.She seems to energetic. To be on them heavily like before she's back excercising.
She seems happy not angry and erratic.
I really pray she can do this .
Funeral tomorrow gonna be a tough one :(
She's not sure she can go.I said see how you feel and decide.No one will make you feel guilty if you can't go.

I would say her being concerned about it so much at this point is a mental thing. The bottle is empty sort of thing. Keep up being open with her, but yet not try to solve the problem for her. Gentle support while she figures this out.

She is making steps, that is good. At this point, it's a sink or swim type of thing, and you are all swimming, this is very good.

Many hugs!

Bluehawaii....I am wishing strength for you, as y ou attend the funeral of your niece.....
I am hoping that you and your family can draw some comfort from each other....

dandylion

Thank you the funeral was very beautiful and a tribute to a brilliant beautiful lady.
Her mental health challenges and her abundant pain / pain killers and suicide were talked about in the eulogy.
I was proud of how they talked about it and never hid it.
My niece was a beautiful loving person and will be missed.
Her actions were out of desperation to an unchanging unbearable situation.her mind was muddled with the opiates she was heavily medicated on.
Love your family , friends and a stranger you may see struggling.
Sometimes a stranger can help more than family.
We all need love regardless of our actions.
Love doesn't have to be enabling.
It can be just understanding and a warm hug .
AD couldn't come to the funeral.I hugged her and said I understand and no one will make you feel guilty.
You do what you feel you can handle at this time.
When I got home she was disappointed she never went .i said you made that decision with much thought you know you did the right thing.
She hugged me ,cuddled, ate candy ( lol) with me and we talked about booking Her counselling session with no resistance.
My brother saw his son he hadn't seen in years due to a fallout.
They hugged spent time together and reconnect ed.
My mom and dad divorced for years hugged and cried.
My brother and his ex the same.
If my niece was somehow watching she would have been so happy!
Love always wins!

It sounds like a very healing experience BH
How wonderful some connections were reforged
even in such a difficult time.

I agree, there's always hope and Love is very powerful.