a total newbie
 

Hello. This is a new world for me. My son is in rehab. .. drugs and alcohol. Im a mum desperate to learn and be able to help without enabling. I cant find any groups near me that i am able to get to on time as i work.. hope to meet some of you lovely people

Welcome, sassy! May, I first of all, ask how old your son is?
I am so glad that you have come here. There is so much to learn...and, you will need as much support as y our son does!

dandylion

Welcome Sassy to SR. You will find this a safe and comforting place 2 belong.

My son is 25

Hi Sassy, why not read the 'stickys' at the top of the F&F forum. They should get you thinking, and then if you want to relate more of your circumstances, you can. Getting feedback from SR has changed some people's lives and made them feel less alone.

SassyBees.....I assume that your son will be living at your house when he gets out of rehab?
Yes......it can be fine line between enabling and just being a supportive parent.....and, very confusing . No doubt, there will have to be changes on the parts of your son and the rest of the family.
As was mentioned.....you can begin now to read the "stickies". They are the articles at the top of the page...just above the threads. They have an icon of a "lock" on the left hand side.
Scroll through them and read what looks interesting to you. I would suggest the one that is marked: "Classic Readings". That one contains a virtual boot camp course on alcoholism and co-dependency.
Since you have especially asked about "enabling" within the family....I suggest that you check on the books written by Beverly Conyers. You can find them o n Amazon.com. I believe that you will find the concern that you mentioned covered very well in her popular books. You can read the book reviews listed there and decide which one to read first....lol.

A word on enabling (in general). Enabling is defined as doing something for another person that they are able to do and SHOULD be doing for themselves.
That gives you a rough rule to go by.
Of course, when it comes to a mother....we have been doing so much for them since they were born....that it is sometimes difficult to know when we are enabling or just filling the mother role as we have known it.

Please keep read ing and learning while he is in rehab....and, keep posting.

People on this forum are soo generous with their support and really want to help.

If you are comfortable with sharing more details of your circumstances....it will aid in getting discussions started....

How can we help you? Do you have any specific questions or concerns or just plain worries?

sincerely,
dandylion