Need your input
 

Ok, can anyone explain this behavior . . . after the insults on Sunday evening, after me going to attorney yesterday, after him knowing about my plans, he asked me if I wanted to go to a concert (big rock band) in June???

So, I was like "huh"?

This is what I told him, "You know we have some issues to solve first and you know I feel really bad because of some things you told me this weekend. Do you understand that I was talking to an attorney yesterday? Do you think that I am lying about it?"

And not to mention that we have taxes to pay!

I'm not getting this. Manipulation? Another honeymoon? Oblivion? Sheer madness?

Delusional.
He is.

Trying to deter you from going thru w/attorney?
Trying to avoid dealing with reality.

I spent the last atom of my strength to make myself talk yesterday, I almost cried in front of an unknown man, and he wants to go to a concert? As much as I detach, but he never ceases to amaze me.

So sorry you are feeling this. I can remember trying every way I could figure to make him hear me and 'get it'. To make a difference. So many times I just got so frustrated and then would scream at the top of my lungs to be heard... Got nothing out of that but a sore throat. I tried nice, sweet, empathetic, understanding, detached, pissed, foot down, walk away. Nothing worked. Someone wrote on here once that resonated w/me: consider you"ve said everyhing -he's heard it all.. He just doesn't want to do anything with it.

In my experience - xabf couldn't or wouldn't deal w/ real life stuff-has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. And so he would react accordingly.

But more specifically to answer your question: I think he's either trying to act like ( and get you to act like) all is well.

And/or he just wants what he wants (to go to a concert) and not so much to worry about those pesky things like oh.. The taxes

Trying to make any sense of an A is crazymaking. Stop trying to figure him out. Focus on yourself, because you are the only person you can understand or control.

Perhaps he was in a blackout.

He wants status quo back.

Focus on yourself and keep doing what is best for you.

I am 100% focused, but really, a concert, A CONCERT? I had to make a checklist of things that have to be done in the next two weeks so I do not stray again. I'm working on my finances, looking for apartments, figuring out how fast I can file in addition to recuperating from the latest attack. Today I did a test for another company that is looking for freelancers, so I have more clients, and am waiting for the answer. I might not even be living at this address in June!

I agree with you, though. I absolutely must stop. It is like I am living in 3-4 realities.

I suspect he is trying to propose something FUN in the FUTURE so that you will get "tricked" into sticking around for the concert...

It is transparent and childlike...

When I broke up with my exabf last summer, I asked him if he had started looking for an apartment. He answered "I did look at a good one, but both apartments on either side have really pretty girls living in them, and they would probably end up being friends with me, and that would make you jealous. I thought we should talk about it first..."

It was so transparent and childlike that I couldn't even get angry...I realized that he was banking on jealousy keeping us together, even when everything had already fallen apart.

"Um...no worries...I'm actually okay with that - you should take that apartment if you like it..." I answered. I don't think there was an apartment; he ended up living in his truck for a while, and I heard he settled in somewhere across town later in the story.

I think your fellow is just trying to hook you, and maybe trigger some jealousy that - if you break up with him NOW, you might MISS the concert in June.

The part he's not considering in that very simplistic plan is that you can take yourself to any concert you choose!

Head up, keep working your way through your list. You are taking care of business. When the business is done, you will find yourself well-situated and poised to create the life you want for yourself...

umm, this is called denial.

he is not taking what you are currently saying, seriously.

this is about him, living in the moment and going to a concert, pretty sure the concert can fix everything.

just goes to show you, how many planets we live apart.

My XAH used to do similar things. He would be horrible for a night or three, and then suddenly wake up one morning acting as if nothing was amiss. We were all just supposed to pretend it didn't happen. I called it "Going groundhog on me." And Heaven help me if I called him on his $h*t. I was negative, or I was expected to move past it, and not dwell on the past (Two days ago is the past??? Really??) But, I was a quick learner; Either play the game, or fall deeper into the abyss.
After I learned to detach, I was better able to avoid the merry go round.

Is it possible that he completely lost the capacity to "read" other people's feelings? Like almost insensitive to social cues? Just because I do not yell, or cry, or whatever does not mean I am ok with him. I know they are selfish, but he is beyond that. It might be denial, it might be not taking me seriously, it might be that he thinks I will not be able to leave because my resources are more than limited (or so he thinks).

Good thing is that we are being civil to each other. I better create my safety net fast, because something stinks here.

how bout it's all about me, me, me.

This is how they roll. This is what addiction is, a selfish,out of control, destructive behavior/ choice.

They orbit the planet in their own little private spaceship, completely obvilious to the needs, feelings, concerns of others.

So in answer to your question, I would say, yes, a capacity to read/ care about someone else, is lost.

He threw the line out to see if you would bite. Don't.

You are putting way too much thought into this. Concentrate on you.

Well I'm not going to any concerts, that's for sure.

But it is really tough, because I must keep this move a secret and of course he must not know my plans and timeline, but when he starts talking about any future plans together, I must pinch myself really hard not to say something. And I usually keep my mouth shut.

But accusing me of sleeping with neighbors, telling me to get a real job, and saying that it is my fault we have to pay so much tax (because I earned $10.000 more than anticipated), saying that I am a b**** just like my mother, and then 36 hours later wants to go to a concert . . . you know, these things do inspire me to ACT. It is alarming, it is upsetting.

There is absolutely no return now. Once I talked to that lawyer and heard myself talking, telling him that my husband says "that we are not even married, because it was some courthouse abroad . . ." And then the lawyer said, "oh, you're married, and we can get you a divorce in the United States." You just break this cocoon and see the world again.

I don't care how many times I told my X I wanted a divorce, no matter what I would say or do, he just did not believe me until I literally kicked him out of our house. I was amazed that he acted all surprised LOL. He still plays it off an entire year later that I blindsided him. I sat him down and made sure he was sober when I did many times.

Just ignore it. Keep on keeping on doing what you need to do.

XXX

Your X and my AH may be long lost soul mates.

My ex didn't believe I would leave until I left.
He didn't believe I wasn't coming back until I remarried.
It's amazing what a human being can talk themselves into believing, given the right motivation.

Sounds like he realized he had pushed you too far and is trying to reel you back in with a little niceness. Part of the whole A 'push/pull' dynamic.... its totally crazymaking.