Healthyagain....does it really matter what is going on in his head?

You know what is going on in your own head---and, that is what really matters at the bottom line. And, you know what you need to do, at this point.

Is it possible that you have, way, way, back in the recesses your mind.....that, if he "knew" how serious your actions are.....that he would be so impacted that he would "snap to his senses" and be regretful enough to change his ways. Sort of like scaring him sober and loving.....??

dandylion

This time absolutely not. If I had even slightest hope (and I said this to the attorney) that he would change his ways, find any type of treatment, counseling, just reach out and admit that there is a problem, I would never ever look for attorneys.

What got me is the lack of emotion, as in . . . "ok, so yesterday you were downtown, looking for attorneys, divorce, $3000 taxes . . . blah, blah . . . HEY, there is a Rolling Stones concert in June! Wanna go???"

The only explanation I have now is that he is truly mentally ill. But I guess this oblivion is quite common (or pretending that all is OK), so I will keep that in mind.

Healthy......just asking.....lol

dandylion

You guys ever seen that cartoon "Madagascar" with cute little penguins? I think that when they are trying to escape, there is this sentence, "Just smile and wave, boys, just smile and wave."

I think this will be my approach to AH from now on . . . just smile and wave, do your escape, and hope he does not see the obvious.

Ha ha! Perfect! I think we all do that to a degree!

Just ignore him if you can. It's a move they reserve when they have behaved badly and when we take actions for ourselves.

I can relate sooooo much to your post! My AH (soon to be ex!) used to do stuff like this all the time. Like, just not show up for days then be like "hey, want to go get coffee?" Or after I filed for divorce kept asking me to meet for dinner? WTF? Like you, I tried to figure out what he was thinking or why on earth he would think I would want to meet him for dinner. Then, I realized that he just lives in the alternate reality and there is no way for me to figure him out.

It is frustrating. And I KNOW you just want to smack some sense into him!

I think we are also at fault because they act that way. I mean, we were dancing to the same tune for years (in my case), we taught them how to treat us, so why is it such a big surprise if they keep dancing even when we stop?

And as you detach, you see things differently, as if you left your own body and are watching some kind of a crappy comedy. I can get no satisfaction, indeed. :wild

This morning I called the attorney again and said that I will file, but need a couple of months to figure out my finances and prepare myself.

And last night, I applied for a new checking account in a different bank, and this one is 100% secret.

Mine took off on Christmas Eve in the middle of the afternoon while I was at work to get high. I sat alone the entire evening crying.

He had the nerve to text me at 3am Christmas morning about how upset he was that he relapsed, which I ignored. Then he texted me "Merry Christmas?" which I also ignored. The he texted me "what, not talking to me now?"

They are insane!

My A used to do this kind of stuff. I took it as him just being in denial and I wouldn't commit to anything with him because I knew it would never materialize. Their reality is different than the one in which we live. Once I stopped engaging, he stopped coming up with crazy stuff about US. Other peoole became his targets but I was off the hook.