Wow!
 

My AH is such a numbnut. A few weeks before he went to rehab his company wanted him to download a company app but he needed his iphone connected to itunes. He's never wanted to do the techie stuff himself so asked me to give him my itunes account info. I tried to tell him what that would mean if he connected his phone to my itunes and therefore my computer's imessages. He didn't listen. So, here I am on my computer and I see a couple of interesting messages to him from 2 different females. One from an Addison who lives in Virginia saying she loves and misses him, please give her a call. He must have met her in rehab. Lovely. Then, there is another message from this evening saying she hasn't seen him in a while and would like for him to come by...his repsonse is that he's been away for 5 weeks on business...business my azz. Looks like he's trying to hook up with her.
Yeah, he loves me soooo much and can't live w/o me. Ok, whatev's. Does it bother me, strangely not as it should. Later will it bother me? I don't know and don't care at the moment. This just reinforces I'm doing the right thing.

Wow is right.

never fails, more is always revealed.

Big hugs, sweets.

Hugs to you! What a jerk! You are sooooo much better without him! I would print those off and put them in safe keeping for the divorce. With cheating and alcohol abuse, even in a no fault state the judge will award you more because of those two things.

Rat bastard! Print and file! Rehabs are ridiculous with this crap. No fraternizing and they alll have to "concentrate on themselves" whaaaaaaatevee. I've wondered if rehabs can be named in a divorce when this happens citing alienation of affection. They allowed or made it possible for these people to meet and did not monitor them as they are supposed to under law. They have misrepresented their facility, the security that's supposed to be in place knowing full well the consequences of such interactions. Set the precedent and you'll see a big drop in rehab romance if they can lose money in court!

The clients who do stick to the rules are the ones who really recover and they are few and far between ma'am. And he's got more than one he's lying through his through his teeth to! These ain't no stable mables I can assure you. Any chick who meets and falls in "love" with a guy she's known for x weeks in rehab has a loooooong way to go to get anywhere near sobriety. You are a good woman because my first temptation would be to write them back and give them half a chance to bolt, but they aren't playing with full decks yet so they may not even react like a healthy woman would. Like you are.

You stuck to your guns and you were right! This my dear is the miricale of God doing something for YOU!

Well at least it makes your decision so much easier K. Sad really, but I'm so glad you found out now in case you became invested with his recovery.

Do you anticipate telling him you've seen the messages?

Haven't had time to think about it really. I don't know. Part of me thinks I should just keep moving forward.
How many.of you changed your names back to your maiden names and why? I can't believe I'm not crying about it. I was a little miffed but not heartbroken.

Betrayal is betrayal. You can be a bit miffed. May even shed a tear. Normal. I kept my married name after divorce because Im published under that name and I didn't want a different name than my kids. If I re marry, I will go back to my maiden name. There something very comforting about keeping my name to me. No disrespect to the new hubby of course.

[QUOTE=Katchie;5286552 How many.of you changed your names back to your maiden names and why?[/QUOTE]

I didn't, partly because it wasn't a bitter divorce, but mainly because my children were still at school and it was convenient for us to have the same surnames.

It would have been more appropriate when he remarried, but somehow it was never important enough.

I've been married more than once, but each time, I changed my last name back to my maiden name. I did it because I love my father more than I loved my exes.

(((hugs)))

I went back and forth on going back to my maiden name. In fact, I started the divorce saying I'd keep his last name. The main reason behind my thought to keep it was it's DS's last name, too. I didn't want DS or his friends confused that he and I didn't have the same last name.

As the divorce went on, though, I was also working through the rapes and DV with my therapist... And AXH and his family kept pulling stunts regarding visitation.

Then I realized 1. DS's friends simply called me "DS's Mom" or "Ms. Michelle"; and 2. Quite a few of DS's friend's moms have different last names than their kiddos, for various reasons. And then 3. I (finally) got really mad about how AXH treated me. I was done being his wife. Done. Done. Done. I will forever be "DS's Mom", and the last name didn't seem a major part of that. But I would no longer be AXH's wife, so I saw no reason to keep AXH's name any longer.

I'm still so, so glad to have my maiden name back.

I'm sorry to hear this Katchie! Wow, indeed!!

*sigh*

Well, I did take my maiden name back when my ex and I divorced. He was supposed to have the attorney write that into the decree, but did not. So, I had to go to court to officially have my name changed! I had to appear in court and testify before a judge that I wasn't doing so to avoid debt and so on....I was furious!!! But not surprised at my ex's lack of consideration :)

What a crock of #+*€! Good to know you're absolutely doing the right thing, Katchie! Have you learned any more about what kind of tax debt he's put you guys in?

If you can.....I know it will be hard, but don't say a word. If he becomes difficult through the divorce information collected might be of use to you later.

I am very sorry I know that even though you have moved on its still a little painful.

Personally I would be more repulsed by his stupidity than the action.

(((hugs)))

Supposedly the taxes are done and are being mailed to me For signatures. He said he has the money put back and ready to pay them. We will see!

I don't think I will say anything. There's no point anyway. I can remember when I use to pray he was cheating on me so I could leave...lol...so silly! As if the booze wasn't reason enoufh! :-)

Wow! ... incredible! I'm in the camp that as much as it may hurt to find out of his betrayals, it will make it easier in the long run to do what is best for you and your boys.

Question: If you can see his i messages now, can he see yours?

Maybe this is a strange gift to help you see a side of him before you were not able to? For a limited time, I'd wait to see what else unfolds. Not to accuse him, but as an insight to make sure the divorce is well investigated. You didn't open this window and maybe it will be closed when all is fully revealed.

Might be time for a gyn visit sweet pea. Speak up and have the md run the usual suspects.

I'm sorry Katchie. Detached or not, I think it is hard to see more and more untruths reveal themselves.

Peace and resolve today.

My friend is contemplating divorce and she read that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. She read that when you truly have no strong feelings whatsoever for the partner, but are just truly neutral about everything, you are ready for the break-up. Sounds like you might be there?!?

I don't have an iPhone anymore so my texts etc don't run thru itunes.

I think you can de-authorize his iPhone from iTunes, if I'm not mistaken. Personally, given the fact that you've got a foot out the door of the marriage, it's just as well that you don't see his communications.

Katchie;

I'm in awe of you.

Next time I'm in Oklahoma, wanna have lunch?

Ahhhh! What a jerkwad!!!!!!!!!!

That's all I can say right now katch, I'm mad for you! I know you're not, but damn... This guy had the world and he's just throwing it away.

Would love to!!

I can totally relate to this! Like all of the horrible-ness isn't enough and we have to look for more "proof" that we should leave. Ugh.

I'm sorry if this hurt you, another betrayal, more lies.
Reminds me so much of my husband, they are SO good at playing the game and telling us what they think we want to hear, such liars and manipulators.

Let the other women have them, good luck to them, I actually feel sorry for them.

Just disgusts me.

((hugs))

As far as the maiden name, I was divorced 22 years ago and had little kids, but I wasn't Mrs. So and So anymore, I wasn't his anymore, so I changed back to my maiden name.
I will again change back to my maiden name. I'm not his anymore, I'm mine.

Katchie....It makes me wonder if he wasn't cavorting at the same time he was doing your all's morning bible readings and meetings with his church men's groups.
If so...that seems very hypocritical......

dandylion

Heh, I have sort of an bizarre story about names. I got married before I started law school. So I was licensed under that name and practiced using it for a very long time. When I got divorced, I kept it, but when I married my second husband I went through the whole drill of changing EVERYTHING--every place I was licensed to practice (including various federal jurisdictions).

The second marriage lasted about 10 minutes (actually, we got married in May, in July I moved across the country where he had been living and working at a new job, and I moved out around February). When I got divorced, I had a dilemma. Go back to the name I'd been practicing under (first husband's) all those years? He had remarried so that seemed weird. Change to a THIRD name (maiden name) within a few months of changing to the second? THAT seemed weird, too, like I had multiple personality disorder.

So I went with the path of least resistance and kept the second husband's name. It sounded better with my first name, was easier to spell, and it just seemed less likely to raise eyebrows. Heh, I remember once during our divorce (I handled it myself) he said he would agree to sign the papers if I agreed to stop using his name. It was one of the few times I exploded. I said, "FYI, under the law I can call myself ANYTHING I want to. Sign, don't sign, makes no difference to me, this is going through no matter what you do." He signed.

All these years later I still have his name. It's fine. Not a big deal. I will probably never marry again so there is little likelihood it will ever be an issue again. If I ever DO get married again I'll probably switch to my maiden name. Maybe. Cross that bridge when I come to it.

I'm thinking the gal here in town he was with before rehab may be a stripper because.of what she said and how she said it. I'm sure it was all becaise.I made him so lonely. Lol

Love ya katchie

I admire your courage and the way you are handling all of this! You are very strong!!!!

The way you are handling this is amazing. I was so angry when I found similar communications b/w my ex and other women. My experience is classy women don't engage with married alcoholics.

I'm probably going to keep my married name so it will be the same as the kids. It's a common enough name that it doesn't bother me right now.