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-   -   Getting my Family on The Same Page (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/355729-getting-my-family-same-page.html)

torquemax777 01-06-2015 09:23 AM

When my ex husband divorced me, he just wanted out even if I got the house. So we just did what they call a quit claim deed. Just a few signatures and his name was of the loan and the whole loan, house, deed, etc was solely in my name. Quick, easy, simple and fast. Its either called a quit claim deed or quick claim deed. I don't remember now.

Hangnbyathread 01-06-2015 09:35 AM

Umm here is the rub. You won't be able to kick him out of a house he owns. He has legal grounds to live there. It isn't as simple as that. And the fact that he makes 200K a year is a HUGE redflag here.

IDK what state you live in but in many common law marriage rules automatically become in effect after so much time passes living together. That may actually help you in this case.

I am GLAD you are taking your time and doing your homework. Its needed in this case.

maia1234 01-06-2015 09:54 AM

My opinion, get legal advice. He has the money to pay for the house, but does that mean he will make the payments or do the up keep. Nothing he says you can trust.

Talk to a real estate attorney and find out how to get rid of the home the "legal" way. It is not worth him scrxwing you over on your credit.

I know you have done your homework about leaving. Found a great place. You will be find. We are the first ones to tell you to get the hxll out of the house. We just don't want you to make a rash decision and jeopardize your credit. I don't think you have. Plan for the move in February, but plan for the sale also.

You will find peace Becki!!

marie1960 01-06-2015 01:05 PM

so this guy is robbing you of your inner joy and you are overly concerned about being fair?

How is his drinking and passing out every night fair to you? I know that lonely ,empty feeling.

With gentleness, i say you could toughen up a bit here and put yourself first for a change.

Florence 01-06-2015 01:54 PM

At $200K, he's going to be just fine regardless what you do. Don't worry about who's being fair to whom.

DoubleDragons 01-06-2015 02:15 PM

I know nothing about the legalities and those certainly have to be a major consideration. That being said, if you are thinking about staying because you will miss your "dream house", I say boo. Material things outside of ourselves never make us happy. Some of the most unhappy people I know have enough wealth to buy whatever they want. I once had my "dream house". I completely renovated it and imagined it be the home that we not only raised our children in, but it also would be the home that our grandchildren would come to visit. Well, the recession hit and we had to move for financial/job reasons. The real estate market had crashed and the house was worth half of what we owed on it. The house became the biggest noose around my neck. By the end of the whole affair, when we could finally sell/give it away, I absolutely hated the dam8 place. I have since lived in two other homes that I absolutely love. I realize that it was never about the home, but more about the memories, the adventure of living that took place in every home that I have ever lived in. If this is really just about the house, you will NOT regret leaving it.

Becki67 01-06-2015 04:56 PM

Thanks everyone for your advice.

Becki67 01-06-2015 05:02 PM


Originally Posted by DoubleDragons (Post 5121370)
I know nothing about the legalities and those certainly have to be a major consideration. That being said, if you are thinking about staying because you will miss your "dream house", I say boo. Material things outside of ourselves never make us happy. Some of the most unhappy people I know have enough wealth to buy whatever they want. I once had my "dream house". I completely renovated it and imagined it be the home that we not only raised our children in, but it also would be the home that our grandchildren would come to visit. Well, the recession hit and we had to move for financial/job reasons. The real estate market had crashed and the house was worth half of what we owed on it. The house became the biggest noose around my neck. By the end of the whole affair, when we could finally sell/give it away, I absolutely hated the dam8 place. I have since lived in two other homes that I absolutely love. I realize that it was never about the home, but more about the memories, the adventure of living that took place in every home that I have ever lived in. If this is really just about the house, you will NOT regret leaving it.


I'm not thinking about staying because it's my dream house. What the responders were saying is that I shouldn't be too rash and to protect myself financially when I do leave.

I don't need him in order to take care of myself and can make a nice life for myself without taking anything from him. I might be being unfair to myself by giving him the home, but I'll be fine. I'll be considerate and kind throughout, whether he chooses to be or not. It's just the way I am. But, I'm not a doormat, don't get me wrong.

What I'm more upset about is my family acting like they are going to lose something if I leave him. That bothers me more. They should have my back and support me.

marie1960 01-07-2015 10:38 AM

sounds like your family is seeing the dollar signs and not your daily struggle of living with an alcoholic.

Those that have never lived the daily crazy train, simply do not understand what you are living. Not discouraging your from reaching out to your family for support, but the option remains yours as to how much you want to share with them.

If they simply do not "get It" they cannot be super helpful or supportive.

Becki67 01-07-2015 12:51 PM

You're right. From now on I'm only speaking to the ones that will give me 100% support for the right reasons.

I spoke to the owner of the home and she asked me to put all the money down tonight if I wanted it. I can't afford that right now as I had it planned to pay it all when I moved in 3 weeks. I've decided to hold off until I can get my ducks in a row on this house. I've made an appointment with an attorney to see what my options are. However, the potential landlord offered me a job working on her farm in my off hours. I jumped on it!!!!

I just feel like I'm imprisoned by this house. I hate that!!


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