Hi wanttobehealthy

It's been a while since I was here but I'm kind of back and remember you.

You are very strong.


I've been unemployed for a while and am also in a bad situation $$$. For me it's about depression that has gone severe. I might lose my apartment too. I think I secured a job Thank God, but it will still be 2 months until I get my next pay check.

It has been embarrassing and sad and I understand how it feels to look like an irresponsible person.

Anyway, I concluded we are socialized to think money and image and objects are what defines who we are. I am trying to see, that whatever happens I have value, and am learning and trying to make progress in my life and be a healthier person and if I keep doing that things will be alright.

Hugs!!

Hi wanttobehealthy

It's been a while since I was here but I'm kind of back and remember you.

You are very strong.


I've been unemployed for a while and am also in a bad situation $$$. For me it's about depression that has gone severe. I might lose my apartment too. I think I secured a job Thank God, but it will still be 2 months until I get my next pay check.

It has been embarrassing and sad and I understand how it feels to look like an irresponsible person.

Anyway, I concluded we are socialized to think money and image and objects are what defines who we are. I am trying to see, that whatever happens I have value, and am learning and trying to make progress in my life and be a healthier person and if I keep doing that things will be alright.

Hugs!!

I am in process of filing Bankruptcy as well. Do not feel bad about it. I had to with losing all my savings and not working while I was on disability from the cancer. My medical bills were in excess of $200k. That is why bankruptcy exists for these situations. It was hard on my pride and ego because for a living I am a mortgage underwriter and I analyze peoples credit. In a matter of 2 years, I became the person I used to criticize while reviewing credit reports.

There is nothing wrong with it. We fall down, we get up. You are fantastic!! Do not feel bad about having to do what you need to in order to get stronger!

I believe you will be able to keep your personal assets like house and car--it is good that you have a house already since financing a note would be hard right after filing.

I think it is a good plan and you need and deserve a fresh start.

The exhole failed to mention his $40k debt to me before we married, and so my credit went down the toilet because I was legally on the hook for his dumb ass. I filed a chapter 7 with my $55k in medical bills and one measly credit card balance (less than $300). The secretary at my attorney's office asked if I had filled out the paperwork correctly, as it didn't state a joint filing. I told her it was correct, and that I had an appointment with the same attorney to handle my divorce once the bankruptcy was final. It's been 5 years and I'm finally recovering. Would I do it again? Absolutely. I wasn't racking up credit card bills to buy things I couldn't afford. I didn't get kicked out of the military and owe back a reenlistment bonus. My ex screwed me over and I had legitimate debts already with a chronic medical condition. It's there for the people who truly need it (but sadly, the majority of filers are living way beyond their means and want an easy way out). There's no shame in filing. Nobody even has to know unless you tell them.

We started proceedings once (years ago--back in the mid-80s. As it turned out we decided not to go through with it, but because the lawyer had done Step 1 and filed with the court, it was still on our record for 7 years.

My only advice would be if you decide to go that route, ironclad your finances going forward and pre-plan any needs for cars and apartments. We were lucky to have a MIL who was willing to cosign for housing when our credit wouldn't allow it.

Like you, I'm financially responsible--but it kills me how much my codependency/enabling have cost me. It's in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. So even though you may feel you don't need it, read up on personal finance and maybe go through Dave Ramsey steps. His advice on how to get by without credit cards and how to plan for contingencies without credit is really invaluable.

I currently am 62 years old, owe $180,000 in non-mortgage debt due to having cosigning AHs business loan, shelling out money to him when he needed it when his business was alive, and cosigning a mortgage for my MIL's primary house when he wanted her to pay cash for a house next door to us for her to live in. Well that was in 2008, and the recession hit, and I was stuck with paying a $3000 mortgage on a house that was empty most of the time (we did rent it a couple of years). We took a bath when the house finally sold. My MIL was still alive when this was going down, and she had no money to contribute to the mortgage payment, so she told me to just let the house go to foreclosure. I couldn't bear to do that because I had just spent 8 years cleaning up my credit from other financial disasters, but in hindsight, I should have listened to her.

So you are the only one who knows what best for you--and do it with your own financial future in mind.

After seeing family file bankruptcy among others all I can say is that seek and take the advice of lawyer and NOT anyone who filed bankruptcy before 2005 when the bankruptcy laws changed-it's a lot tougher in many cases. The financial/housing collapse also changed the credit game as well. Heard stories of people who filed bankruptcy in 1990s having trouble getting a mortgage recently with a steady good paying job.

Also yes consider the different types of bankruptcies. Some states will automatically protect your primary residence, some don't.

I've also heard that if you wait a year and take a credit card even with a small limit like 200 dollars and buy something then take 6 months to pay it off that helps rebuild your credit. But be aware many insurance companies or even utilities run credit checks now a days depending on the state and utility.

One last thing, research the settlement game if you are advised to try and settle first. It's a nasty process especially if you really can't or won't settle. If you intend to settle and have resources lined up to settle a debt ok but if you just try to buy time that will make things worse.. You current and previous addresses might start receiving calls and mail looking for your where abouts as well.

It's a tough choice but I also understand the need to move on even if with a fresh but more restrictive start.

Good Luck!

I don't know if it has been said before, but just to add to what thequest has said. Do NOT use your Family Law attorney for your bankruptcy. Bankruptcy law is a very difficult and specialized field, and it's gotta be done right or ........ you lose......grrrr

(o:
NoelleR

Hi WTBH,

Sorry for the late response - I was reading old threads. I am a bankruptcy attorney, and have a lot of clients who are responsible, hard-working people. The law is there to give you and your kids a fresh start. I assume that you have met with bankruptcy lawyer by now. Make sure you have a good one.
In my experience helping clients through the process, they come out of it in a lot better shape than they went in. You had mentioned your credit score was very low. You will be amazed that with responsible financial behaviors going forward (which I know you do, it was bc of A), your credit score will improve a ton. The bankruptcy removes the garbage debt from your report, which actually improves your score (even with the bankruptcy on your credit). Give it about a year and a half after filing, and check your score.
My prayers are with you in this new and better year.