Bankruptcy
 

Did any of you (if you care to share) have to file bankruptcy due to a divorce or the reckless financial choices of your A?

I'm seeing a bankruptcy lawyer next week to discuss options and am sad and scared.

I was always so responsible with money and liced modestly at best. Yet this divorce has devastated me financially and I am not sure I have many options left.

It seems huge and overwhelming to be facing this and I'm embarrassed by it since I feel like it says I'm irresponsible that I am in this position.

I know several good, hardworking, responsible people who have had to file for bankruptcy for one reason or another. I know it's embarrassing, but it doesn't say anything about you as a person. Sh*t happens.

The biggest problem, really, is that it will ding your credit for a while. I'm on a credit forum, though, and a lot of people are able to start rebuilding credit fairly quickly and have a decent credit score before the bankruptcy is even off their credit report. You probably wouldn't get a great mortgage rate for a while, though. If you won't need to apply for credit for a while you might come through with relatively little pain.

So totally understand this. I am not at the bankruptcy part but my finances are a horrible mess. He is living good and I am living day to day. And all of it spent on weekend vacations and whatever to make him happy. Ugh!!!!! Makes me soooo mad that I did it and I only have myself to blame. I would love to be like him and blame everything on someone else, but, no, it is my own darn fault.

My credit is already in shambles. I'm talking low 500's down from over 800 a year and a half ago... So I was thinking bankruptcy couldn't be much worse. And it may be the only way I can stay in my home.

It's humiliating to be unable to meet my obligations and I feel crummy having to consider it but I don't see many other options :(

I did. It was humiliating, but I did what I had to do. I had to lose my dream house, but it gave me a fresh start and I am sorry it had to happen, but I'm not sorry I did what was necessary. I had two kids to raise.

Then those are pretty good reasons. See what the lawyer has to say. You'll have a much better idea about whether this is a good option for you after you do that.

PS. just re read my original message and thanks to the joy of typing on my phone I said liced modestly vs lived modestly. Lol. A tiny bit of humor amidst all of this I guess. My girls both caught head lice from a classmate last week and I just went through lice hell here at home so it's comical that I had that autocorrect error I suppose.

I and my wife drank ourselves into bankruptcy. We had maxed out our credit cards and couldn't make any payments.

The most important thing is to be able to come out the other side of bankruptcy without expenses exceeding income. I wish you all the best!

Bankruptcy isn't all bad. I have friends that have done it and now are living great. I am lucky in that I have support when I need it. My ABF has nobody that can help him if he loses the oilfield job that he has. I will always be ok. You will too. Just keep doing what you have to do and it will all be ok in the end. Hugs to you because I know what you are feeling right now.

I am wishing you the best. Hang in there and it will all come together.

I know, I was sitting on my typing fingers because I knew you were distraught, but it's really hard for a smartass like me not to make a joke about how "lousy" the situation was.

But now that I know you can still laugh, "Wow, that really IS a lousy situation."

And I do think that if one lices, one should lice modestly.

LMAO at the "louse-y" situation line! Brilliant! I can always laugh at myself and the humor to be found in the endless craziness that can be life sometimes!

I adore you for being a smartass just like me Lexie :).

Never hesitate to poke fun at me particularly given my self proclaimed grammar nazi title.

It just makes it all the more priceless that not only did I screw up the language but the fact my kids actually had lice last week just makes it even better! Lol

Hey, a sense of humor has always been one of the keys to my survival. If I ever lose that, then shoot me or something. Life wouldn't be worth living.

Good to see YOU can still laugh, too. You're gonna be OK. :)

(I guess we shouldn't talk about nit-picking though, right? I mean, that really WOULD be going too far.)

Funny thing... xah loved to tell me that I nitpicked at him over every little thing (you know little things like drinking and driving etc). In any event, now that I have spent 8+ hours in the last week white literally nit picking nits from my kids darn thick hair (can't blame their dad for that. That's all me) I'll probably laugh everytime someone mentions the term nitpicking from here on out!

While I lost my house, I realized a house is not a home. A home is an abode filled with love and serenity. The house I ended up living in was smaller and didn't have all those bells and whistles, but you know what? It felt more like home than the so-called dream house ever did.

OK, I'll kwell my punning. :)

Hey, at least laughing is still free.

No no don't quell the puns at all Lexie!

Suki, I totally agree about a house being a space and a home can be anywhere. I have a very small, old, house which I hated when xah lived here too. But with my kids I've made it a cozy home and my mortgage is no more than rent locally would be so I'm hoping I can stay here.... If it's not meant to be ill figure it out...

We didn't have a plan for what to do after bankruptcy--we didn't even have jobs. But we were sober, and that was all that was necessary to turn things around.

Depending on which Chapter bankruptcy you file, it's quite possible you can keep your house. I was set up on a monthly payment plan to pay the debts allotted to me after the bankruptcy. I chose to have those payment taken out of my paycheck, so it was taken care of before I ever saw my paycheck.

I hope you don't have to go the bankruptcy route, but if you do, you will survive and have a clean slate from which to start. I wish everything good for you and your girls. (((HUGS)))

Same here. Chapter 7. RAH drank our money away, bought insane crap on the internet while drunk and spent money on ridiculous things sober to fill some hole. We are going to lose our house in this but I am actually happy about it. All the drinking and terrible behavior happened here. Too many bad memories. I actually felt relieved when we first met with our lawyer and even MORE relieved when it was filed. Our creditors meeting is Dec. 22. It will be nice to have a clean slate. As for our credit.......it really can't get worse than it is now so........

Hi wanttobehealthy

It's been a while since I was here but I'm kind of back and remember you.

You are very strong.


I've been unemployed for a while and am also in a bad situation $$$. For me it's about depression that has gone severe. I might lose my apartment too. I think I secured a job Thank God, but it will still be 2 months until I get my next pay check.

It has been embarrassing and sad and I understand how it feels to look like an irresponsible person.

Anyway, I concluded we are socialized to think money and image and objects are what defines who we are. I am trying to see, that whatever happens I have value, and am learning and trying to make progress in my life and be a healthier person and if I keep doing that things will be alright.

Hugs!!

Hi wanttobehealthy

It's been a while since I was here but I'm kind of back and remember you.

You are very strong.


I've been unemployed for a while and am also in a bad situation $$$. For me it's about depression that has gone severe. I might lose my apartment too. I think I secured a job Thank God, but it will still be 2 months until I get my next pay check.

It has been embarrassing and sad and I understand how it feels to look like an irresponsible person.

Anyway, I concluded we are socialized to think money and image and objects are what defines who we are. I am trying to see, that whatever happens I have value, and am learning and trying to make progress in my life and be a healthier person and if I keep doing that things will be alright.

Hugs!!

I am in process of filing Bankruptcy as well. Do not feel bad about it. I had to with losing all my savings and not working while I was on disability from the cancer. My medical bills were in excess of $200k. That is why bankruptcy exists for these situations. It was hard on my pride and ego because for a living I am a mortgage underwriter and I analyze peoples credit. In a matter of 2 years, I became the person I used to criticize while reviewing credit reports.

There is nothing wrong with it. We fall down, we get up. You are fantastic!! Do not feel bad about having to do what you need to in order to get stronger!

I believe you will be able to keep your personal assets like house and car--it is good that you have a house already since financing a note would be hard right after filing.

I think it is a good plan and you need and deserve a fresh start.

The exhole failed to mention his $40k debt to me before we married, and so my credit went down the toilet because I was legally on the hook for his dumb ass. I filed a chapter 7 with my $55k in medical bills and one measly credit card balance (less than $300). The secretary at my attorney's office asked if I had filled out the paperwork correctly, as it didn't state a joint filing. I told her it was correct, and that I had an appointment with the same attorney to handle my divorce once the bankruptcy was final. It's been 5 years and I'm finally recovering. Would I do it again? Absolutely. I wasn't racking up credit card bills to buy things I couldn't afford. I didn't get kicked out of the military and owe back a reenlistment bonus. My ex screwed me over and I had legitimate debts already with a chronic medical condition. It's there for the people who truly need it (but sadly, the majority of filers are living way beyond their means and want an easy way out). There's no shame in filing. Nobody even has to know unless you tell them.

We started proceedings once (years ago--back in the mid-80s. As it turned out we decided not to go through with it, but because the lawyer had done Step 1 and filed with the court, it was still on our record for 7 years.

My only advice would be if you decide to go that route, ironclad your finances going forward and pre-plan any needs for cars and apartments. We were lucky to have a MIL who was willing to cosign for housing when our credit wouldn't allow it.

Like you, I'm financially responsible--but it kills me how much my codependency/enabling have cost me. It's in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. So even though you may feel you don't need it, read up on personal finance and maybe go through Dave Ramsey steps. His advice on how to get by without credit cards and how to plan for contingencies without credit is really invaluable.

I currently am 62 years old, owe $180,000 in non-mortgage debt due to having cosigning AHs business loan, shelling out money to him when he needed it when his business was alive, and cosigning a mortgage for my MIL's primary house when he wanted her to pay cash for a house next door to us for her to live in. Well that was in 2008, and the recession hit, and I was stuck with paying a $3000 mortgage on a house that was empty most of the time (we did rent it a couple of years). We took a bath when the house finally sold. My MIL was still alive when this was going down, and she had no money to contribute to the mortgage payment, so she told me to just let the house go to foreclosure. I couldn't bear to do that because I had just spent 8 years cleaning up my credit from other financial disasters, but in hindsight, I should have listened to her.

So you are the only one who knows what best for you--and do it with your own financial future in mind.

After seeing family file bankruptcy among others all I can say is that seek and take the advice of lawyer and NOT anyone who filed bankruptcy before 2005 when the bankruptcy laws changed-it's a lot tougher in many cases. The financial/housing collapse also changed the credit game as well. Heard stories of people who filed bankruptcy in 1990s having trouble getting a mortgage recently with a steady good paying job.

Also yes consider the different types of bankruptcies. Some states will automatically protect your primary residence, some don't.

I've also heard that if you wait a year and take a credit card even with a small limit like 200 dollars and buy something then take 6 months to pay it off that helps rebuild your credit. But be aware many insurance companies or even utilities run credit checks now a days depending on the state and utility.

One last thing, research the settlement game if you are advised to try and settle first. It's a nasty process especially if you really can't or won't settle. If you intend to settle and have resources lined up to settle a debt ok but if you just try to buy time that will make things worse.. You current and previous addresses might start receiving calls and mail looking for your where abouts as well.

It's a tough choice but I also understand the need to move on even if with a fresh but more restrictive start.

Good Luck!

I don't know if it has been said before, but just to add to what thequest has said. Do NOT use your Family Law attorney for your bankruptcy. Bankruptcy law is a very difficult and specialized field, and it's gotta be done right or ........ you lose......grrrr

(o:
NoelleR

Hi WTBH,

Sorry for the late response - I was reading old threads. I am a bankruptcy attorney, and have a lot of clients who are responsible, hard-working people. The law is there to give you and your kids a fresh start. I assume that you have met with bankruptcy lawyer by now. Make sure you have a good one.
In my experience helping clients through the process, they come out of it in a lot better shape than they went in. You had mentioned your credit score was very low. You will be amazed that with responsible financial behaviors going forward (which I know you do, it was bc of A), your credit score will improve a ton. The bankruptcy removes the garbage debt from your report, which actually improves your score (even with the bankruptcy on your credit). Give it about a year and a half after filing, and check your score.
My prayers are with you in this new and better year.