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detachment.......easier said than done I understand I have to do this but I don't know how! Could someone please tell me how to do this and not let everything he says or does NOT be a trigger? Cause that's how I feel right now. This is a very lonely walk. I feel very alone, despite going to meetings. I am too scared to talk to anyone or call anyone. I am afraid they won't like me. He'll why would anyone like me? |
Why??? because you are human and you are as good enough and as valuable and important as everyone else that's why! And you are not alone just open try to trust someone its worth it. About detachment in holland we say; it's one ear in and the other one out... for me it helped to say to myself it's not him talking it is his friend alco... |
Do I still ask if it's the alcohol or the person when they are in recovery? |
Originally Posted by TerpGal
(Post 4910977)
Do I still ask if it's the alcohol or the person when they are in recovery? Sometimes A's drink to self-medicate a psychiatric or personality disorder, which then stands forth in all its glory once the A is sober. Sometimes it's just the way it is in early recovery. It's said that the A's growth stops, for all intents and purposes, at the age at which they began drinking; many A's are, in effect, oversized teenagers. All the experience they should have gotten by dealing with problems, all the lessons they should have learned along the way, all the joy and sorrow they should have felt, all the uncomfortable things they should have been thru and grown from--none of that happened b/c they numbed every slightest discomfort w/alcohol. My A is a year sober and I am constantly seeing just how little he understands how other people feel and how they see things. His emotional maturity is nowhere near what I'd expect from someone who's going to be 60 in December. Here's a good example of what I'm talking about: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-insight.html It's tough--I keep expecting him to be "normal", just b/c he's sober now, but these are just the first steps on what will be a long, long road (and that's provided he continues his recovery and doesn't relapse or outright give up, which is certainly not guaranteed). I wish I had my crystal ball to know the future... |
Originally Posted by honeypig
(Post 4911166)
TerpGal, I've seen it said here that sometimes when you take away the alcohol from a drunken A**hole, you end up w/just an A**hole. And that could be the case. Sometimes A's drink to self-medicate a psychiatric or personality disorder, which then stands forth in all its glory once the A is sober. Sometimes it's just the way it is in early recovery. It's said that the A's growth stops, for all intents and purposes, at the age at which they began drinking; many A's are, in effect, oversized teenagers. All the experience they should have gotten by dealing with problems, all the lessons they should have learned along the way, all the joy and sorrow they should have felt, all the uncomfortable things they should have been thru and grown from--none of that happened b/c they numbed every slightest discomfort w/alcohol. My A is a year sober and I am constantly seeing just how little he understands how other people feel and how they see things. His emotional maturity is nowhere near what I'd expect from someone who's going to be 60 in December. Here's a good example of what I'm talking about: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-insight.html It's tough--I keep expecting him to be "normal", just b/c he's sober now, but these are just the first steps on what will be a long, long road (and that's provided he continues his recovery and doesn't relapse or outright give up, which is certainly not guaranteed). I wish I had my crystal ball to know the future... |
And why would they NOT like you?? You are a warm, wonderful, caring human being. Reach out, you will be glad you did. XXX |
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