Moment of insight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Moment of insight
About 2 weeks ago, the oldest of our dogs was bellowing (he is a basset and "bellow" is the correct choice of words...). He's 16 and labor-intensive, as he's not able to walk any more, even with help, and thus has to call us (by bellowing) whenever he needs anything. Sometimes it takes several tries for us to figure out what need or needs he is expressing, and it can be frustrating at times.
So on this particular day, RAH was home w/Sam the dog and I was away. When I got home, I got a long story about how Sam had bellowed and RAH had tried giving him food and water, had checked to see if he needed a dry blanket under him and had turned him to lie on his other side. RAH said "I did everything for him that I could think of and he still wouldn't stop bellowing! I don't know what more he wants!" I said "He hates to be alone. I sit by him and rub him for a while and make sure he's in the same room w/me so he's not alone. He just needs some affection and attention sometimes, and he'll calm right down."
RAH got this strange look on his face and said "I never even thought of that." He turned around and hustled out the door and worked in the yard for a couple of hours. I had the distinct sensation that he was appalled at himself for not thinking that there could be needs beyond physical comfort. This was a moment of insight for both of us, I think.
This reminded me of another time, about a year ago, while he was still drinking but also going to meetings (and telling me he was sober). I'd been to a Buddhist-flavored recovery meeting w/him and commented on a particularly heart-felt share he'd made, saying "often what you say sounds rehearsed, but this seemed very honest." He looked at me with a really sad look on his face and told me "I know the words to say..."
It's heartbreaking to see someone you love go thru this, and the codie part of me wants to take all that pain away. Thanks to SR and all I've learned in the past year, I know all I can do is stand back and let him do whatever it is he needs to do. In the words of some wiser souls here at SR, I can only "turn him over to the Universe and his HP."
Meanwhile, I turn myself over to the Universe and my own HP...
So on this particular day, RAH was home w/Sam the dog and I was away. When I got home, I got a long story about how Sam had bellowed and RAH had tried giving him food and water, had checked to see if he needed a dry blanket under him and had turned him to lie on his other side. RAH said "I did everything for him that I could think of and he still wouldn't stop bellowing! I don't know what more he wants!" I said "He hates to be alone. I sit by him and rub him for a while and make sure he's in the same room w/me so he's not alone. He just needs some affection and attention sometimes, and he'll calm right down."
RAH got this strange look on his face and said "I never even thought of that." He turned around and hustled out the door and worked in the yard for a couple of hours. I had the distinct sensation that he was appalled at himself for not thinking that there could be needs beyond physical comfort. This was a moment of insight for both of us, I think.
This reminded me of another time, about a year ago, while he was still drinking but also going to meetings (and telling me he was sober). I'd been to a Buddhist-flavored recovery meeting w/him and commented on a particularly heart-felt share he'd made, saying "often what you say sounds rehearsed, but this seemed very honest." He looked at me with a really sad look on his face and told me "I know the words to say..."
It's heartbreaking to see someone you love go thru this, and the codie part of me wants to take all that pain away. Thanks to SR and all I've learned in the past year, I know all I can do is stand back and let him do whatever it is he needs to do. In the words of some wiser souls here at SR, I can only "turn him over to the Universe and his HP."
Meanwhile, I turn myself over to the Universe and my own HP...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
"and the codie part of me wants to take all that pain away."
This is how I've known all along I'm not codie. More like horrified that these simple connections between people and other people, or people and their animals...weren't natural to acknowledge, and no desire to take that pain away either...
I'm more of a "well yeah duh!" type.
I think a lot of people underestimate the emotions of animals. As if because their brains are smaller so are their souls, or, that they don't have feelings. I recently read a study--probably Harvard or something similar--some large grant money no doubt too--where they acted surprised with their conclusion that animals have emotions.
I'm speechless. We don't need a university study to state what is obvious to many. Any person tuned into their animals slightly can see that they do indeed have emotions and their wells go as deep as ours. Someone tuned into their animal that has an IQ of 50 could say Duh! to the professor with the IQ of 145 and that it was obvious all along.
Hmm. Makes me ask myself. Is part of being codie being more compassionate? I have more compassion for the underestimated animal. LOL!
This is how I've known all along I'm not codie. More like horrified that these simple connections between people and other people, or people and their animals...weren't natural to acknowledge, and no desire to take that pain away either...
I'm more of a "well yeah duh!" type.
I think a lot of people underestimate the emotions of animals. As if because their brains are smaller so are their souls, or, that they don't have feelings. I recently read a study--probably Harvard or something similar--some large grant money no doubt too--where they acted surprised with their conclusion that animals have emotions.
I'm speechless. We don't need a university study to state what is obvious to many. Any person tuned into their animals slightly can see that they do indeed have emotions and their wells go as deep as ours. Someone tuned into their animal that has an IQ of 50 could say Duh! to the professor with the IQ of 145 and that it was obvious all along.
Hmm. Makes me ask myself. Is part of being codie being more compassionate? I have more compassion for the underestimated animal. LOL!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
Im sorry you are going through this Honeypig. It's so tough to watch our animals age. They truly are family members. We lost our Golden retriever a year ago to cancer and caring for her at the end was the same-guessing at what her needs were. Our Black Lab is aging right now too and I know the end is not far off. But you are right, we are not in control and we must turn it over to our HP. What a healthy attitude you have. How far you've come in your recovery shows! Hugs to you during this emotional time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
