The inevitable relapse AH stopped going to meetings about 2 weeks ago. He tried to make amends to me which was laced with blame, excuses, and basically passing all the relationship responsibilities onto me. So, I didn't respond the way he expected, of course, and he stopped going to meetings. That may not be why he stopped going but the course of events leads me to believe it was a catalyst. Fast forward to today. I am out of town. He is home with the dog. A friend of mine saw him at Total Wine picking up today's stash. She said he didn't see her so I'm sure that he doesn't think I'd ever find out. Funny, how I saw this coming and it doesn't phase me at all. I'm not angry, it is what is is. I figured this was the way things were headed. Honestly, at this point I'm just sad for him. I can only hope and pray that he crawls back into the rooms of AA again. Not to save our marriage but, at this point, to save himself. Recovery is hard, in both sides of the fence. I have finally found compassion for him and I am letting go of a lot of the anger and resentment. I don't know why but I feel good, and that is truly a blessing from my higher power. |
I'm sorry Liz, wish it didn't have to go that way. I wish it didn't seem so predictable for him & his cycles. I'm glad you are sounding focused on you though, I'm sure it won't be long before he 'outs' himself somehow... he can never quite handle the pressure of hiding it for too very long once he starts back again, right? (if I remember his history?) (((((HUGS))))) |
Wow! You are amazing! I would not react like this at all. I admire you do much!!! What strength and confidence you have! |
What a journey it's been to get this far huh?! I know I've felt the same way when my hubby would relapse. So much sorrow for them but you still have to live. I know where you've been and who you've become. Its freeing in some way to NOT feel the responsibility they prefer you deal with because it's too much for them. Keep taking care of you liztola! That's all you can do! I send you much love and strength to keep loving you and not worry about him! You'll be ok! |
From the Big Book: "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes." |
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
(Post 4871467)
From the Big Book: "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes." I'm still at peace. I drive home late tomorrow and I have a busy week to focus on. I'm just looking forward to living life one day at a time! |
If he stopped going to meetings because he didn't get the reaction he wanted out of you, then it was just a matter of time before he stopped going anyway. I'm saying that from experience. My ex is a skillful manipulator and made everyone in his rehab clinic think he was a model addict-in-recovery. Until he understood that there was absolutely nothing he could do, ever, to make me come back. Then he started drinking again. I refuse to take responsibility for that. I'm glad you're realizing that his recovery is his own, and that yours is your responsibility. |
Originally Posted by lizatola
(Post 4871230)
I'm not angry, it is what is is. I have to remind myself that I must love "what is", because it is what it is, REALITY. :grouphug: |
Originally Posted by lillamy
(Post 4871810)
If he stopped going to meetings because he didn't get the reaction he wanted out of you, then it was just a matter of time before he stopped going anyway. I'm saying that from experience. My ex is a skillful manipulator and made everyone in his rehab clinic think he was a model addict-in-recovery. Until he understood that there was absolutely nothing he could do, ever, to make me come back. Then he started drinking again. I refuse to take responsibility for that. I'm glad you're realizing that his recovery is his own, and that yours is your responsibility. I kinda thought the stingray incident was more important, in my own mind, LOL, since he was still getting sex twice a week despite my hormonal imbalances, ugh. For those who don't know; I got stung by a sting ray while on vacation and had a large puncture wound along with pain comparable to childbirth. He fought me on taking me to the hospital despite the urgency from the lifeguards. He didn't want to spend the money. Guess I still have some resentment to work on over this one...sigh! |
Hi Liz, one of the hardest lessons for me is that acceptance means I simply accept them for what they are. It didn't mean I had to accept all the unacceptable behavior that came with it. Your friend, |
Acceptance means I simply accept them for what they are. It didn't mean I had to accept all the unacceptable behavior that came with it. |
You are recovering. When you can free yourself of the resentments and move on in your life, huge change is being made!!! Hugs!!! XXX |
I'm so very sorry, my friend. Keep taking care of you. ((HUGS)) |
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