Nice vent Stung!

While I definitely agree with not giving your MIL any more rent free space in your head, I also get what you're saying here Stung.

It's not really about the birthday card, because it isn't even REALLY a birthday card. It's a passive-aggressive dig at you using your child's birthday as a tool to set herself under this umbrella of "being the bigger person" & "doing the right thing "& who "can't win" "no matter what she does".....so she can play martyr to the rest of the family when her aggression is ill-received.

I think I would have a similar reaction, because she used the kids. I think the Mama Bear overreaction would be hard for me to control... she could say or do whatever to or against me, what'evs... but use my kids? Game ON. They are NOT psychological pawns. I'm not saying it's necessarily right, but I could identify with having such a strong reaction, I've been there.

Stung....Soooooo......when I put your anger into the context that you have shared with us....it does make sense to me---in this way: You have been very open about your habit of always stuffing your feelings. And, I can see your efforts, now of working on "unstuffing them". To me, that is a good step in recovery.
It reminds me of when an alcoholic gets sober--in the very beginning, they have a hard time of regulating their emotions...they don't have their calibration set..yet. This is one reason that early recovery can be so difficult...it is also talked about in "Paws".
The emotions are REAL (all emotions are)....but how to tolerate the feelings and channel them with the appropriate velocity is not down, yet.
I have heard that it is everything times ten.

I have had a mother-in-law that irritated my craw...because she didn't ring as sincere....so, I get where you are coming from on that.

Just thought I would share my perspective with you.

dandylion

Reminds me of a chat on Saturday. The Saturday Alanoon meeting, we all tend to hang around a chat.

One woman, had just came back from a trip to Hawaii. One of those little Paradise trips, yunno.

BUT while on the trip, she found herself surrounded much of the time by Faux (still drinking) AA-ers, some Pot Heads, on and on. Spent much of her time fuming about being surrounded by all of "THEM!"

Made a trip to Paradise, but took her own little Hell with her.

She had not quite figured out her part in all that, yet.

Stung....vent away. It's good not to stuff it and it's good to share it with people who care about you and who understand, like your buddies here at SR!!!

When someone hurts your child as she did, the momma bear comes out. Good for you. Our children need our protection!

I think you are doing great!!! I hope your little had a Happy Birthday!