Arrrgh! I agree with so many others that we "jumped the shark" on valentines day. This just proves to me, once again, that any good thing can be run into the ground by those with another agenda (making money).

At one time--As I have read--valentines served a genuine purpose in the courtship dance. Nothing more! Now, it seems, this concept has been changed into a huge industry. And, in doing so---serves a an extra kick in the ribs for those who are not in the throes of a satisfying and budding romance.

Enough said.

dandylion

All of the commercialism aside, my AH is expecting the normal V - day w/his wife & I'm trying gently let him down that it's not there for me. I just can't pretend for the sake of a man made holiday.

I hate valentines day, and always really have. I think it should be a day for kids and that is it. Way too much hype.

Carlotta....I love love love your pics...hilarious!

Katchie----you gotta do what you gotta do. Of course, as kindly as possible--no need to be "mean" about it.

Don't you have to be honest with yourself? I think you do--if you want to honor and live with yourself. Doesn't he deserve honesty? (you can't protect him with a "lie", anyway).

Katchie--I just don't see any completely easy way around this.

Just tell the truth---the truth will set you free.

dandylion----sending you my best wishes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And pantyhose. For sure. :lmao

My son and his friends (all single) have renamed it "Singles Awareness Day"... :lmao

I guess I was lucky back when I was married to an A. He would spend weeks ahead of Valentines Day talking about how it's a capitalist holiday only created for merchants to make money. Which was funny given that he didn't have a problem with capitalism other than when it required him to express love.

Nothing wrong with this. Nothing wrong with saying this to him, and no need to be overly gentle about it. "I'm not feeling it this year and I don't want you to expect anything from me." How he deals with that is his problem. Hugs to you.

:accb::acce::acce:lillamy----I just spit my tea all over the computer keyboard and screen----"Singles Awareness Day"...........I just Loooove that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion

Aka "SAD"

:c011:

Maybe I'm weird, but this will be my first V-day as a singleton in five years and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm gonna get candy and balloons and cards for my boys, then I have to work all night.
The part I'm looking forward to mostly involves the lack of drama and crazymaking. My axb used special occasions like V-day, birthdays (didn't matter whose), etc as a reason to "celebrate" by getting out of control blackout drunk. He did this other times too, but on holidays you could pretty much set your watch by it.
If I'm not mistaken the police had to be summoned to our house last V-day to "calm him down" after he drank a bottle of liquor that he had purchased for "us" as a romantic gift. Yeah, nothing says romance like urine drying on the front of your pants while the cops are in the dining room telling you to go sleep it off or they'll have to haul you in.
@Carlotta- LOL.
Happy February 14th all! :ValD007:

I actually just talked about this with my therapist Katchie :) She suggested that I tell him I do not want a card or anything for Valentines this year. If he wants to celebrate then he can give something to the kids. I do not have to give him one either. With such uncertainty in our relationship right now, the last thing I want to do is give him mushy love stuff and a few months down the road have our marriage ending ... so for me it is about the girls tomorrow ... not us :)

I think your therapist is smarter than mine.. I may have to look for a new one.

I am dreading the holiday too. I had a terrible time picking out cards and just settled on a generic Happy V day one. I am still with my AH but am planning divorce very soon. He doesnt know it yet so I have to "play along" and its killing me this year because I am not good at pretending or hiding my feelings. He already knows something is up but my AH is a head in the sand type of guy who does not confront anything and plays along because if he ignores it then it doesnt exist. AH lost his job recently and my lawyer advises to wait until he gets another one before telling him I want a divorce, so I am in the waiting game playing along. I've decided since there isn't anything I can do at this point, I am just going to let go and let my HP take over. I told my AH we could go anywhere he wanted for dinner. I am not going to stress over it. If he is intoxicated, I will just leave. I dont have partner that can truly give and share this holiday the way it is meant to be shared. I will do the best with what I have and trust my HP has better things waiting in the future for me.

Let's also remember that it's a tough day even when you're not married to an A. My coworker mentioned to me that in her old job, it was like a competition -- and a year like this year, when V-Day falls on a Friday, it would start on Monday with flowers coming to the office. And then Jane would go home and tell Jim that Janet got 40 roses from HER husband and so the next day, Jim would have to outdo Janet's husband, etc. :lmao

I don't know. I mean, I love flowers. I love it when the man I love makes me feel special. But I'm enough of an unromantic toad that I feel much more special when he runs to the store at 11 pm in a snow storm because we're out of coffee than if he would send me 40 red roses because society says it is The Day For Expressing Love For Your Wife Unless You're A Flippin Cave Man Day. Seriously.

Lol. When I was a teen (jr high/high school), my sister would always get several deliveries from different boys. Even when she had a long-term boyfriend, she STILL got deliveries from other boys that liked her. Meanwhile, I got.... nothing, lol. Only had one boyfriend during that time and I broke up with him before valentine's day. Mom liked to compare us so I was always the loser daughter with no boyfriend, no presents, etc. Then, senior year I met my AH and started getting deliveries regularly. I think I was better off with no presents, lol.

I just went to amazon to order Codependent No More.

And the front page has a big valentine's day ad saying 'it's not too late'. I'm not pitying myself. This is just the first time I've cried uncontrollably since I left her. It is too late. I loved her so much.

Just didn't expect online shopping to trigger this lol. have to at least type lol.

I surfed over to Amazon and it cracked me up. What a gloriously cynical piece of advertising.

My xAH wasn't much of a romantic, and Valentine's Day was always kind of disappointing. Once he left, it felt like a day when my lonely life was magnified even more than usual.

Then....

Two years ago, on Valentine's Day, my children and I adopted a senior dog from the animal shelter. The dog had been at the shelter for two months and was very depressed and sad. Kind of like me. She has filled our home with so much joy, and we all adore her. I am just so grateful to our little valentine dog. Last year, we celebrated Bella's "dogiversary" on 2/14. This year (tonight!), we are having a big dinner, my parents are coming over, and we are celebrating Valentine's day (aka Bella's Dogiversary Day) with a big dinner and dessert.

Tomorrow I am driving to the animal shelter to deliver a heart-shaped box of chocolates to all the dedicated shelter workers along with a photo of Bella and a thank you note.

Adopting Bella on 2/14 totally transformed Valentine's day for us from a day of sadness and loss into a day of great joy and happiness. Dogiversary Day --- try it!

I LOVE your story!!! I love my shelter dog - she was found running on Christmas Eve 2011 and it was very cold out :( They figured someone dumped her out of their car. Our old girl had just passed away in November and we were going to wait until the spring to even think about looking for another dog as we were heartbroken. I happened to search petfinder one day and saw my girl - then called Eve. I went and met her first and fell in love :) Then I confessed to the family that I had gone and met her so I had to take the rest of them out to meet her ... and she LOVED the girls - which was very important as my youngest can be funny with some dogs. She took to her first so that settled it! So needless to say on January 18, 2012 our girl, Charlee (fka Eve) came home with us. We are so in love with Charlee Chucklehead ;)
She has been my faithful companion during all of my turmoil with hubby and with his 8 weeks away at rehab. I don't know what I would have done without her. We just may have to celebrate Charlee's dogiversary!!!

My only worry now is that with hubby and I on an unknown path in our relationship that I don't know who will have Charlee live with them if we go our separate ways ... whichever one of us takes her has to be able to have a dog wherever we go ... that is something else to think of. So much turmoil ... but one faithful, loyal little dog. I don't know what I'd do without her :)

Bella sounds like she is as loved as our girl is ... that is how EVERY dog should live!!!

Do you not love him anymore? What is keeping you with him? Maybe you should separate? You only live once you know... I think you should spend as little time being miserable as possible.

I have all kinds of complexes and paranoias with women which make it impossible to have a relationship, so I gave up dating, flirting, and sex abiout 7 years ago. I didn't even know it was Valntines Day until you brought it up, lol...