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Good euphemism
Originally Posted by LexieCat
(Post 4101356)
He doesn't NEED "facts and proof"--that's just a BS excuse. He isn't ready. If he were ready (read: desperate), he would grab onto a program that has worked for countless others. It's kind of like having to understand everything about electricity before you can be bothered to turn on a light. Either it ain't that dark yet, or you really don't care about being able to see. |
Yes, continue with your plan. Sounds like there have been plenty of past opportunities for him to get sober and save his family. He continues to choose otherwise. If it all meant that much to him, he would do whatever it takes to find recovery! His decision to just stop drinking is doomed to failure. The A will do whatever it takes in the short term to manipulate you and keep you enmeshed. Nothing changes if Nothing changes. As long as he continues to get that "one more chance" he will continue on his same old path. He does not have to experience the consequences of his drinking. But you and your children do. Yes, he will blame you. Yes, he will be the victim here. Quack Quack Quack. Just because he says it, doesn't mean it's true. Try to remain detached from his words and his behaviors, stay focused on doing what is right for you and your kids. Are you in AlAnon? Go to a few meetings, I think you will find a lot of support for your decisions. SR is great, but AlAnon adds another layer to the support that you need right now. Doing the right thing isn't always easy. But you know what you want for you and your children. Sending you hugs.... |
Sorry for not responding, I left for the weekend with the family to our lake-side cottage, so no Wi-Fi. Well, as I`d suspected and you all warned, it was barely 8pm Friday when I saw AH with a beer in his hand...once alone with him I said, literally `WTF`?? Did you not just promise me no more drinking barely 24 hours ago? He said yes, but AFTER my vacation...never mind, really, I'm sticking to my plan.... I may need a little more support in the next few weeks. Thank you all again for being there. |
Hang in there - it is MADDENING! You are doing the right thing! |
I don't know how many times I've read a thread and thought, "Have I been with the same person as this poster?" For 13 years, I was with ABF, whose alcoholism was always creeping under the surface, and I just didn't notice it until 3.5 years ago. He bargained with me so many times about quitting drinking. "Just don't leave me". "I can't picture a life without you and X (my son)" and so on. Thing is, I never wanted to "leave him". Fact is, and this is a hard fact to face: He left us a long time ago when he dove into that bottle of Jim Beam. He hid bottles so much, and I never looked for them, but I always came across them in the strangest places. He moved far away from me to get his act together in June 2011. I loved him even while he was so far away. I believed him that he was getting sober. During that time, he had no responsibilities but to get better. He did not actively work a program. He was a DIY Program Guy. He came back to town in August 2012, begging and pleading to see us. I finally acquiesced, and of course the old feelings came back. I let him move back in November 2012. By February, I knew there was still a problem. It escalated to a grand scale by May 2013, and I asked him to leave. I was able to see his bank statements. He's been even worse than he was, lying to me all along about his year out of state. Two weeks ago, he binged horribly at his stepmom's house. He stole her hydrocodone and took a whole bunch of it with the wine he also stole from her. He had stolen a bottle of my hydrocodone as well (I just never took any of it after a bout of serious illness and it was in the med cabinet, and I didn't even realize it was there). All of this while texting and calling so very obviously in a horribly drunk/drugged state. Finally a friend of his called his brother, who has swooped into town and is taking him back to the other state again so he can live comfortably "with no responsibilities". I wish them all well. It's very peaceful at home. My son is thriving, finally. The weight of worry has been lifted for me, for my son. I'm sad for "what could've been". So sad about that. I will look back, so I can learn from this, but I'm also learning to look back without staring. |
I'm sorry you're in this dilemma. Living with an active A is sooo not a good time! Maybe he will quit, maybe he won't but it doesn't sound like he has a very solid recovery plan. It sounds like you've given him many many chances, and IMO, you have to draw the line somewhere and stop. Maybe it's time to do what's best for you and your children. |
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