when we get caught up in crazy situations, our own priorities can get skewed. this might be a very good time to re-evaluate and write down YOUR priorities. what matters most to you. help reset your own moral compass....YOUR values.

Yes I was baffled and hurt and confused. Yes, me and my girls were heartbroken. Isnt he always considered an Alcoholic though? Isnt it a disease I cant understand?

IMHO, it does not MATTER whether he's an alcoholic or not, that is never an excuse. you were baffled, hurt, confused. and your girls were heartbroken.

BY HIM. by his actions. you can't do a thing about what he does, but you can surely protect yourself and your children against such pain and heartache.

That trip was supposed to be a gift to him from me.

who paid for it? from what you shared YOU did all the work, all the planning, you created an entire vision, complete with notes and treasure hunts, etc. just how much did HE really participate? it's possible....me surmising here, that you wanted him to give you such a gift but because he didn't or whatever, you bought yourself the gift and put his name on the tag.

Well that's good, it sounded like she was a right pain! I reckon if you and your A manage to sort stuff out you'll hear from her. But yeah, see if it happens and worry then.

It's always hard (understatement) being with an A but it sounds like you really want to give it a go so I reckon do it and enjoy it while it feels good. If you're going to be with him anyway I don't see the point in feeling guilty about your decisions. Definitely make sure that your children are safeguarded as he can't be trusted with their feelings right now and of course be aware that he probably will do something that's going to cause you pain because of his addiction. It sounds like you already know that though.

I think what I'm trying to say is, if you're going to be with him enjoy it while its good. Just be vigilant and don't let his behaviour off the hook e.g. The holiday.

TO him, FROM her, not the other way around, is what she said.

Either way, it was something he knew was planned, and for which you had put out money. Hopefully that is something he will make right eventually.

I planned the trip as a Birthday present. I wanted to do something for him to show my love and appreciation. One of his best qualities is being responsible when it comes to financial responsibilities. He always took care of us finacially. He did provide for us. He payed my mortgage from the day he moved in till the day he moved out. He bought groceries and other household stuff. He did take me places and do nice things for me and my girls. He never begrudged me for that.

No man has ever helped me in that way before. If anything I am reeling a bit because I am now responsible for everything. It is a struggle but, Im making it work. I appreciated his hard work for taking care of us. I wanted to show my appreciation. It was something very special I could give to him.

I also know that, as far as his recovery goes, he was probably advised not to go. He would have possibly been setting himself up for a situation that might have set himself back. It was just not possible for us to go and expect it to be the trip we had invisioned.

For now, Im not gonna dwell on that trip. It isnt worth it. I am doing something else with my girls during that time.

Don't forget, you gave him (and still do) a lot too. If not financially, then definitely emotionally. He didn't pay all the bills and buy food for charity, he got something out of it too, including a roof over his head with a really nice family. I don't know if you're doing what I sometimes do and that's look back at things with rose tinted spectacles. Try and make excuses for them, especially when we are trying to convince others that they're now being good and we now want to stay with them? I know I do it a lot! Like I said, I think you've made your mind up and I think should be positive and enjoy it while he's making you happy. We spend so much time being miserable with them so why not be happy for a while if you're going to be with him anyway? Again, just safeguard the children :-)

How's it going ltlys?

Things are going well... Just made it to Colorado for my girls and I's mini vacay!

I just wanted to tell u guys that last night I went to see RAB... He told me that he was working on step 8. He said how he learned in treatment that just saying sorry isnt enuff. That he acknowledged what he had done and how needed to make amends by his actions. He handed me some money and said it was only part of what I had paid for our trip and that he planned on paying me back in full!

I was blown away! I am thankful beyond measure for what God has done for me in this situation!

Hey, not bad. Good for him.

My first husband totaled my car, driving it into a tree while he was drunk and without a license (he was 20, had never had a license because he was from NYC). He paid me back every dime for the blue book value of the car. I believe he started doing it before he got sober, if I recall correctly, but I remember it impressed the hell out of me. (He's the one that stayed sober, and I think that is the sort of thing that kept him that way.)

This is true, and for real and honest.
wow, it is scary isn't it?
But you can learn, and if I can do it,
anyone can.

Now, you know, and since you are ready (as a student)
the teacher will appear.
(or already has in the way of SR, books, meetings).
Now, you will HEAR what is needed exactly for you and your girls.
Not to feed your addiction.
I know, I have been addicted to a relationship too.
It is like heaven to hear from them again, and that rush of adrenaline,
hope and "love" clouds all reason.
there is room for reason in relationships.
There has to be for me.
Or else, I will go off the deep end again.
Accepting unacceptable behavior.

You are truly getting it now, this is an exciting time for new beginnings.
For you and your girls.

Beth

:tyou

PS
I put the word "love" in quotes, because I think I have used that word,
and I had no idea what it meant.

It means, being the closest of close friends.
Trusting them with a secret that they will not hurt you with.

Being there when you are truly sick and look gross (actually rushing out for soup or making it for you, bringing the bucket in case you are sick.)

Being there for the bad stuff. Knowing the death of your pet is devastating and not time to joke about dumpsters. (ICKY)

(No, that does not include staying for a self-inflicted disease that is
completely selfish and self-deluded like alcoholism, I mean the flu)

Seeing beyond all your "dressings" and into your heart, and
knowing they belong there, as you belong in their heart.

Also knowing that your children are a part of the deal, and actually
understanding what a great HONOR it is if they get to meet them.
They are not brats who get in the way of their good time with mommy.

Okay, this is getting to be a long PS and I hope I have not gone too far afield of the point.

You are not a fool, you could have an problem, awareness is the first step.
A fool would not recognize the problem.

:You_Rock_

Keep on learning and growing.
You are getting it more and more each day.

Beth

Oh, I posted before I read the whole thread.
Sorry.
Well, maybe the lesson was for me?
:)
Good job on him paying some of the money back.
Great amends work and it sounds as if he is getting it right now.
Good.

Beth