Where do I belong?
 

I think I need to concentrate on me. I am both an alcoholic and codependent. I feel lost. Where do i belong? My relapse was brought on by anger and anxiety. My boyfriend relapsed after 10 months. He is a total ******* when drunk. We were supposed to have two weeks of fun. We had time off and I was so looking forward to this time together sober. However, he threw me under the bus, went to a casino and won and picked up. I was so disappointed, I hung on for dear life for 4 days and then went over to that dark side. After all of the preaching about how my drinking is so much worse than his it was just shocked that he picked up. He also has health problems which made me even more shocked. Now I admit I am a total whack job when I drink but nobody gets hurt except me. So since we have sobered up these past few weeks, he is constantly reminding me of the degree of my disease in comparison to his. The thing that just floors me is that he has no compassion for me, even though he's an alcoholic too. I have had more consequences but I'm astounded he can't or won't find the common denominator. I am about to find other people who will uplift me instead of make me feel like a piece of steaming . . .
Sorry to ramble but I am at the end of this rope.

Hi Jbird,

You are like me: an hybrid of codie and alkie. We are called Double Winners :D I tend to identify more with other codependents but I am also an alcoholic. I know that with me, both issues are tied together.
Have you tried attending Al Anon? I always say that AA saved my life but Al Anon saved my sanity.
In some cities, Al Anon has meetings for people just like us called Double Winners meetings where we can talk about our alcoholism and codependency and how they feed of each others.
Anyway you are not alone on this path and you can be sober and relatively sane and content even if your loved ones are still drinking. The key is to focus on your own recovery and not let their (bad) attitude affect you.

Yes, I attract the same people, it seems that each one is more dysfunctional than the last. Weird that we feed off each other's sick crap. Argh!, I will pick myself up and move to a healthier environment.

Love this - so true!

We have a saying around here that is also very fitting on this thread: "What other people think of me is none of my business".

What does he know anyway?

Hello Jbird!

You are welcome to 'hang out' here all you want. Sorry to hear about the lapse, and hope this will be the last!

IMHO, you have every right to do what is best for your own recovery. That may include removing certain people from your life.

Please take good care!

I can relate. Similar situation here. Time to do some heavy lifting. Figure out how to best take care of YOU. Added stress from having a sig other still active using is never a good thing and can put your own best interests at risk. You'll find there is a lot of cross over between friends and family and the other boards and a heck of a lot can be learned from and participating in both.

you belong here! its tough to have our own struggles but see the one we love struggle. and we get confused on who gets the oxygen mask FIRST. according to the airlines, we don our OWN MASK FIRST, before considering rendering aid.

your recovery comes FIRST. foremost and before anything else. that's how you level the playing field....put yourself on solid ground.

You all rock
I needed feed back from people of my kind. How wonderful that we are not the lone ranger. Thanks.

Welcome, Jbird. This is the best bunch of people in the world, here for you 24/7, compassionate, tough, responsive, always caring.

Glad to have you with us,

ShootingStar1

Jbird, Elegantlywasted et co

It's so hard loving an addict to start with and when one is recovering from drug/alcohol abuse it's even harder. Even more than other codependents, we have to always keep in mind to put the oxygen mask first not only for our own sanity but as a matter of life and death for ourselves.
I started a thread for double winners and I hope you will come and introduce yourselves and get it kicking.
Here is the link http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4025711

I am both a recovering alcoholic and codependent. I suggest going to an AA meeting every day and taking suggestions from a sponsor. General wisdom is no relationships in the first year and you can probably see why. "A relationship is like throwing Miracle Grow on your character defects." Very true. You must keep the focus on your own alcoholism and only there. After 90 days of AA meetings add Alanon.

Remember, alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. I hope you keep checking in.