Sorry about that- typing on my phone and pressed the wrong button.
As I was saying-
What's the best way to handle/communicate with friends once people find out whats going on? for example once the house goes up for sale? Also, I did talk to my daughter about privacy and letting her know its okay to share there are problems but to not go into detail. I'm thinking I'll just keep it high level and just say it didn't work out - how does that sound?

I say share what you're comfortable sharing. There are no rules here, and no one needs to know all your business unless you want them to.
:hug:

I'd be careful about telling your daughter not to share too much. Kids need to confide in their friends, and in other trusted adults, too. Maybe you could make it a conversation about discretion--choosing wisely whom to confide in. That's something we all need to learn, and this can be a teachable moment. You could explain that some things are pretty personal, so you want to be careful to share with friends you can trust not to gossip about it, for instance.

And really, the same goes for you. I'm sure there are certain friends in whom you will want to confide, but for others, a simple "things didn't work out" is sufficient.

Lexie - thanks! So true. I have a couple of friends that are my rock and I share details with them. I have some friends that know there's a problem but don't know about the alcoholism aspect. I want/wish for my daughter to have the same type if support from her friends. I'm concerned with her age - I know how some girls can be. But DD is a smart girl and I trust her. I will have a conversation with her about discretion and about who to confide in. Thanks!!!
So, RAH is refusing to give me $$$. I do have access to credit cards but the checking account is near $0. He revealed in an email to me today that his plan was to live in the house together, make a few improvements then sell the house and go our own way. Funny, when he was sharing all the details with our daughter he left out the plan about selling the house and separating!! We are waiting for a response from his attorney on 1. co parenting counseling to protect DD from the details, 2. We requested an open extension for a formal response and 3. Providing me with $$ support.
RAH also expressed in the email how he hoped we would incur minimal attorney fees and be able to walk away with dignity and respect for each other. Would this be considered quacking because it feels like a whole lot of BS to me?! I lost respect for him a long time ago and I feel to keep my dignity I need to leave this marriage.
I'm concerned if this is any indication of how things are going to go then I need to buckle up - it's going to be a rough ride!

I would say this is him trying to act like he's being reasonable (so he can tell himself and maybe others that you're the one making things difficult) while hoping to convince you that he IS being reasonable so that you'll agree to everything HE wants.

The most reasonable thing to do, in this situation, would be to assume that his motives do not include your best interests, and that he is indeed quacking.

Dear CAgirl, I think a common feature of alcoholics-in-action is an incredible air of ARROGANCE. Sort of like a paper tiger. In reality, I think it is just a cover for low-self esteem and inadequacy.

It sounds like he also has an air of NARCISSISM to his majesty's QUACKINESS.

In the end I believe that you will witness the starch removed from his sails. By that time, you will be in a much better place!

sincerely,

dandilion------quack detector

I'm not sure if I should start a new thread but wanted to share I'm feeling very scared with my situation. I've been doing good and feeling strong up until 3 days ago. I have been thinking about the future, getting a job and where I can find housing once we sell the house. I know I need to just stay in the now and I need to trust in God that this will all work out. I've been sick and think that has contributed to how I'm feeling. I've gone to meetings yesterday and today and that is helping me get more centered. I think I also need to allow myself a good cry.
Some good news is RAH is finally sleeping in the guest room. He is still in the house and that is uncomfortable. He came home Monday upset that he couldn't remove his name from the cell phone bill (I'm the primary contact) and told me I'm responsible for that bill. He also informed me he's going to remove his name from the Amex so I'll be responsible for that too. I know better - I think he's trying to get me to react.
I should hear from my attorney tomorrow or Friday about the next step. I'm having a tough time not knowing what the future is going to bring but I guess that's true about life in general. I need to get out of my head and just focus on what I can do today. I'm feeling very scared and tired. Looking for advice/experience on how to survive this separation/divorce process.

I'm sorry, it is scary. You sound like you need some distance from him so you can think a little more clearly. Don't worry about him making a bunch of changes to the bills, just ignore him on that issue. If both your names are on the bill he will be very lucky if he is able to do that. Call the companies if it give you peace of mind. Put aside or make a copy of one of each of your bills. I am having some pretty big issues with him running up bills that were in my name and then closing the account. The collection agencies are now contacting me. Irritating.... Get copies of your car titles also. Just be proactive.

I think you will feel better once you know more what your rights are. He can propose anything under the sun to you but until a judge signs it into orders it does not mean squat.

Talk with your attorney about the issues that are scaring you. Once you find out how much money you can expect, living arrangement expectations, etc. you might start to feel like you are getting your footing again. Once court papers start arriving see if his version discusses not discussing the case with your daughter. If not, make sure your attorney addesses it in your response. My attorney said this was boiler plate for declarations (I am in California also). He will be going against court orders if he tells her about the case or tries to sway her with his opinions. My judges have gotten very angry if this has happened.
I think you will be suprised how much stronger you feel once you have some knowledge about the laws.

Find a councelor who has a background working with the courts. Mine is a child advocate so understands the system. She has been invaluable for seeking advice on how to work with my kids through this process. Set up a good support system. It pays to have great people in your corner you can ask questions of or who have strong shoulders you can cry on.

Stay strong and remember you are trying to rework your life into something you are proud of. You are setting an example for you daughter about what is acceptable behavior to accept from a man in your life also.

My thoughts are with you,
4MyBoys