my ex addict boyfriend broke up with me but now he is back for sex
 

I am writing because i need possible opinions from former addicts. my ex addict boyfriend and i dated 2 yrs b4 he broke up with me to isolate then came back to me when he went to rehab and got sober well 4months into sobriety he broke up with me again for time to focus on his recovery well 3months went by and no contact from either of us i didny contact him he didnt me either....until one day after our 3months seperation hr texts saying how he woke up horney cant stop thinkin about me but it kills him to think of using me like that....well i said it was ok which i am fine with i am just wondering how healthy is this for him am i harming his recovery at all or can he feel like me and it just b strickly sex? any replies from former addicts in this circumstance would be so appreciated!

Sorry I can't speak from experience, but think this is a great question! I'm also very curious to hear others' stories. I can imagine myself in this dilemma someday in the not-so-distant future, but I'd probably have more reason to be terrified and/or suspicious. My XRABF is very selfish and manipulative, after all. Your XRABF, perhaps not so much...

So again, looking forward to more expert opinions as well!

I am as well thanks for replying either way. and yes my x is as well very manipulative so idk and am praying someone whom has done this replies!

Great post, look forward to responses.

No good can come of this.
Respect yourself.
If you're horny go elsewhere.
If you want a relationship with him again make him start over at the friend level and earn his way back to lover slowly if he can prove himself.
Don't enable his poor behavior. Giving into to the easy way of getting pleasure is his core problem I suspect. Ask yourself if I'm right about that.

If you're wondering, I'm a man and 4+ year sober alcoholic.

Thank You So Much! i totally agree with your comment.but the respect myself part. i am in no way interested in a relationship and enjoy sex of course with him and he makes it easier for me as well so i dnt have to find someone else for "sex". i will say i had already thpught about it harming him but he has to take responsibility for his emotions actions as do i. :reacti am not having sex with him in hopes of reuniting a relationship....i am also going to ask if u suspect this is his core problem which i do as well now u mention it.... That is why he call so often because its almost like. he is feeding his addiction in a way huh? and if i decided to stop because i really love the sex but i also do not wana enable his addictive behavior i guess either ...i kinda am in conflict ..thanks though u got me thinkong here i was just thinking of me lol

He also does this randomly showing up at my house as well which he never did while we dated ever!would that be like an added addictive behavior?

@ joinedintime....one more thing when he texted me that day asking for sex he made a comment that it kills him to think of using me that way so how is able to? this mayb alot to ask of u to answer of someone whom u do not knw but ur insight may help me tons!

But wait! You should just be thinking of you! He's dumped you over and over, proclaiming it's for his own recovery, and is now trying to redefine the terms of your relationship to no-strings. Hmm...

OK, maybe I can chime in on this after all! You're not responsible for his recovery at all, so stop worrying if you're to blame for sleeping with him. I'd be more worried about how he's trying to slip back into your life and making easy sex his new drug of choice. Not your problem at the moment, but it could be quite quickly. You admit he's manipulative too, so red flags are rising!

:thanks:You_Rock_
ur right on! i am not responsible for him and i only said yes to the sex based on my needsi am.not looking for any outcome from this at all and i do respect myself thats why i dnt sleep around if he had never contacted me well id go without i love me where i am and.how far i have come i am comfortable in my skin. i asked this for reasons of rather it was.going to harm him because i do.care but not to that extent he asked me.knwing i may say yes and if he using this sex as adrug so to speak i can not b held responsible he made the choice as did i ...so thank u bunches cli

Oh, brilliant! So glad you've got your head straight about this all. I hope to be just half as smart as you, if my ex ever turns up on my doorstep too...

As a man and a formerly active alcoholic, if you enjoy sex then find someone else to sleep with. This guy doesn't deserve your attention IMHO.

You need to respect yourself, don't worry about him. No good can come of this.

Close your legs. Period.

Wow thats harsh. hmm i appreciate opinions but i have known this man for 3 yrs nw and havent slept with anyone else since but ya knw i posted knwoing there were those of u witg alot of diff opinions so i appreciate them all negative or positive.

if you have been separated for a length of time you don't know what he has been doing and who he has been doing it with. there is a very realistic possibilty he could give you a STD or WORSE.

if you want or need sex, it is not safe to have it with him, it should be fairly obvious. I would change my phone number too.

Sounds like you are all about what it is he is thinking, if it will harm him.

HOney, it will harm you, in some way, some day, some how, you are hurting yourself with this thinking.

You need to focus on why it is you would give yourself away to someone you mean nothing too.

He's an idiot, but if he can get away with it, I guess that's your bad.

Well, if it were your daughter, I think you might feel differently.

Sorry i feel differently...and thats ok if my daughter was comfortable in who she was and knew not to have expectations wore protection.and foremost a GROWN WOMAN i could say nothing nor change it. so again thanks for the comments

your welcome

There.are such things as condoms.

ilovehim, maybe you should go back and read all of your previous postings.

Sounded like you were in a lot of pain.

I can guarantee you , if you reinvolve yourself with this guy, it will be more of the same. The handwriting is on the wall.

I do believe he is looking to get his enabler back, you are ripe for the job.

Good luck, we are here, take good care. Katie.

I'm a woman, 14 years sober.

Here's my two cents. It seems to me that you would LIKE to approach this as a simple hook-up, no strings attached, with a guy you know you like to have sex with. But some part of you knows this isn't what's going to happen. That's why you've asked our opinion...because you're afraid you're going to get hurt and you're hoping someone will say you won't.

But here's the thing: you WILL get hurt, and somewhere deep down I think you know it. I think you should run like the wind.

li don understand why any woman would want to extend this kind of a relationship, its abusive and he certainly lacks any respect for you.

condoms or or not, it's about having respect for yourself...I hope you look at that. This guy has nothing to offer you. and when it's all said and done he might abscond with more than a one night stand.

did you HEAR what he is saying....i'm horney, i was thinking of you...this is not what you deserve. he doesn't care about anything but scratching his itch. and i would bet he will ask you for some $$ when its all over with or a sad story that he needs for.

Fandy, isn't that assuming a bit much? I give the OP a lot of credit for being completely honest.

Yes, well said, Katiekate! I'm still not fully in the "Close your legs. Period." camp, although that's usually the safest option. But I'm also not rushing to judge ilovehim nor her RA either. Sex is usually more nice than it is evil. But of course it can cause huge problems too, especially when addiction is in the mix.

So to sum up, NO ilovehim, you're not to blame if your sex screws up your RA's recovery. And YES, it is highly unwise for you to carry on, just for your own sanity. Beyond that it's up to you.

I appreciate ir concern amd comments but yes ur assuming to much here...i have alot of respect for myself i am allowing him to use me i am grown and have needs to fulfill and why not with someone i have slept with for the past 3 yrs protected .im ok if he is just satisfying his "itch" because i get mine satisfied as well. do not wnt his love i want sex and that does not define me as a bad person in my eyes and how i see myself is all that matters...but again thank you fandy and just b glad "you respect" yourself the way you define and ill respect me the way i define respect.

Fandy, I understand your point. It's not particularly romantic, but sometimes women like sex too. And being the focus of someone else's horniness is actually kind of a nice thing...

Thanks alot

Thanks and i knw therr is some past pain involved u def asked to get opinions good or bad i just was curious i guess deep down if it were just him kinda relapsing in some way shape or form although i did and do have sex with him because i enjoy it and he is familar
..in a nutshell i deep down dnt wana.b his enabler and i have taken alot from all u ladies so thanks for the honesty! i just also feel that because i am ok with it just being sex ..i am not so sure he is idk like i said i can control me and b responsible for my choices and actions and in a cold hearted way really am ok with just sex from.him. thanks ladies and gentleman whom commented!