New member -- alcoholic wife and rehab hasn't worked yet
 

My wife of 2 years went to 13 days of inpatient therapy. When they released her after such a short period of time, they said it wasn't the time spent in there, it was what she chooses to do when she get out and if she continues her therapy. She drank the next day. It was "only" 2 shooters of vodka and she wasn't hammered, but she drank. She said she didn't like it and doesn't know why she even did it. That was Wednesday. She was completely sober through Sunday and I thought we were starting to work on things again. Then Monday came and she went to a counselling session at 4 pm and was drinking before it and was hammered after. Then the drinking all day on Tuesday and Wednesday thinking I wouldn't notice when she got home (yup, driving) and was drunk, but I always notice when she's even had a little. I poured out what she had and had to leave for a meeting at 6. When I got back at 7, she had gone to the store and got 2 more bottles of schnapps. She proceeded to get smashed last night, too. I'm so frustrated. I just don't know what to do. She says all the right things when she's sober. She knows she has a problem, she wants to quit, etc. She went to an AA meeting this morning and drove an hour back to the rehab place to go to a few things there this afternoon. She did the same thing on Tuesday but she drank the whole way home. I'm so scared it will happen again.

Until she is truly ready to quit, it will happen again. And again. Unfortunately, nothing you say or do will make her ready.

Welcome to SR. I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but you have found a place of tremendous support. Please read the stickie posts at the top of this forum. You will find a lot of helpful information there. You can't change her, but you can learn to have serenity for yourself regardless of what she chooses to do.

It's going to keep happening until SHE decides that she cannot LIVE like this any longer ... that the pain of drinking and its consequences (on HER) is worse than the pain of not drinking.

Please consider going to Al-Anon meetings as soon as you can. Those are for YOU and how to cope and recover yourself. Read the stickied threads here too. Learn about acceptance, boundaries, changing what you can, codependency, detachment with love, letting go, living and letting live, and serenity.

May serenity be with you in this long ordeal. :)

I'm so sorry, but this is BS...
 

If that's what she told you she lied. If that's what they told you they lied or they are incompetent.

Please consider Alanon for yourself. It saved my life in dealing with my AW.

Take care,

Cyranoak

It's pretty clear she cannot stop on her own. If she is serious she needs to consider residential treatment or sober living home and you will be able to extricate yourself from the craziness and let her work on herself.

I found that an alcohol free boundary was a great line in the sand that was for me... eventually it caused the relationship to end and when it did I was ready for it.

Rehab is usually the beginning of the journey. Sadly, it is rarely a cure all. Alcoholics have been uncomfortable in their skins their whole lives & it's doubtful a 28day program will change that. It takes a lot of time.

Thank you for the replies. Since I wrote this, I left and stayed at a friends house 10-4 and 10-5 and last night, her folks came to get her as she had been drinking the whole time i was gone. Also, I found out she was visiting an ex rather than attending a couple of lectures at the rehab place last week. She says it was innocent. I have confirmation this is correct, but not sure if the intentions were innocent and not just the result. I came home last night as she was away. She texted saying how much she loved me and such. I told her via text today that she needed to figure out if she wanted to be a drinker or not. She said she wanted to be with me. I said I knew that, but she needed to figure out for HER whether or not she wanted to be a drinker, not for me or anyone else or even for us, just for her. She said she knew I was right. We'll see how things go. Thanks, again, for the support and advice.

Throwing out alcohol is useless. I would stop that now. I would not try to do anything to stop her from drinking because - that's another brick wall if they want to they will.

You need to protect yourself legally. She is driving drunk - what kind of liability are you subject to? Is your name on the car? Is it your insurance?

Back in the day I worked in Bankruptcy and Foreclosure - many a case where a spouse was in BR due to the alcoholism or addiction of their wife/husband. please don't let that happen to you.

All of this is very useful. Listen to it. Throwing out the alcohol is just a waste of money and no more. Double check to make sure you have no liability if she's driving drunk.

I'm so glad someone brought up the bankruptcy thing. My AM dragged her own mother down with her in her BR, because she had gotten in so deep that she was using her mother's name and resources to stay afloat. Protect yourself. That's all you can do at this point.

As of now, the car is in her name as is the insurance. I know throwing it out is useless. I keep thinking that if she is out, at least she will have to think about getting more and maybe decide not to. That never happened.

Get separate policies. Once a spouse has a DUI, it can wreak havoc on the other policyholder of the combined policy. Ask your insurance agent for advice.

Never even thought about that. We actually were going to be combining soon, too, to save a little money. She started her IOP today and told me earlier today she is done with drinking forever. Said it is ruining her life and the lives of people around her. Says she is going to get a Rx for antabuse on Wednesday to help kickstart the habit of NOT drinking. That sounds hopeful, right? We've had some great phone conversations in the past 24 hours and reminds me why I fell in love with her in the first place! Wish us luck!

Great! Wish you all the best!

Don't forget to call insurance agent. Antabuse - see here & entire forum where that thread is: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suboxone.html

"Throwing out the alcohol is just a waste of money and no more."

I can certainly confirm that. I gave up hunting for AW's hidden bottles some time ago. Our adult daughter still tried it for a while, because she thought she could shame her mom into quitting. All it did was make AW more clever in how she hides it. We suspect now that her drinking buddy is bringing it to her in water bottles when we aren't home, but we're not sure. AW won't admit to anything.

AW has "quit" five or six times, but always returns to the bottle. From what I've read here, some people never stop until it kills them.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, but at least you have some great support here.