Things are coming to a head tomorrow
 

Have to go to court tomorrow for custody of daughter. I love my daughter with all my hear. She would drive me to an early grave with a smile on her face. I hope I never treated my parents that way. Usually, I ran myself ragged living up to everyone's expectations. I am at a loss for words, feelings, and thoughts. Just going to pray about it and keep asking to do God's will.

Are you trying to regain custody of her?...or what is the hearing about? How old is she?

praying for you!

I'm praying for your daughter.

You live with an abusive man,don't work, don't have a car and take rides from strange men, flash your boobs at them and you feel that your daughter is better off living with you rather than your parents?

Shaking my head in disbelief.

I was wondering the same.

Thank you for your prayers and not judging me. I'm not perfect but I try. Having a teenager isn't easy, especially when she is extremely brilliant.

I would never judge you. Just trying to understand here. I know that you are looking for help, people to talk to, but you really don't give us enough to go on. Can you please give us a better picture.

Now, I must have you confused with someone else,

I thought you were in your early 20's?

Regardless, being with an active alkie is not going to have a positive impression with the court/judge.

No, BF is mid 20s. Guess SparklingEyes is older?

I'm confused, too. But I wish SE well and hope it all turns out in the best interest of the teenager since that is what such a custody hearing should be about.

Actually, in most states, a teenager's own wishes would be the most weighty aspect of a custody hearing. And having two teenagers of my own, I will say that no matter how much a parent wants to have custody of a child, I hope the court listens to your daughter. I've seen several instances of when a court goes against a teenager's wish, and I've never seen it end well.

Yep. I think SE is having a blast here. So much doesn't add up.

Anyone whO has ever lived with alcoholic can smell bs a mile away.

Sparklingeyes- how are you getting to court?
Are your parents or the father of your daughter fighting with you over custody?
I'm confused. Do you want her to come and live with you and your bf?

What is the hearing about?

So! How's Ms. Sparkingeyes doing today? Do you have an update for us? How did court go?

bumping..

I sure hope you're ok Sparkling eyes. I see you're here about every day, but no update on this thread?

How did court go? Are you ok??

Wow!!! That's a great point!!!

I have to go to court again; however, I spoke with my daughter's attorney and told her that I want my daughter but what will make my daughter happy trumps what I want. Her father's death certificate was presented to me since I was in denial and shock about his suicide. It's still very difficult to swallow that he threw himself in front of a train. His addiction won. It destroyed him. There's some guilt left over because I left him when she was four years old
The same tape plays over and over..if only I had.....then he may have recovered from addiction. Thank you all for your care and concern.

Sparkling eyes,

I too had someone very close to me commit suicide, a man I was involved with, I'll leave it at that, no details necessary.
I would like to point out to you that there are grief forums for survivors of suicide and also that talking to a professional about this is important. Survivors of suicide are left with so many unanswered questions that can never be answered, along with the "what ifs" which I know very well that feeling.
Suicide acceptance is very hard, I know, been there. Do not cheat yourself out of working through that issue successfully, feel what you need to feel and get the help you need. It is one of the most difficult things to try to work through alone, and it is so much better to work it through with someone who understands.
As for your daughter, well at this point with the way she feels it may be better that you don't live with her. However the future will always be wide open for a close loving relationship with her, so keep your chin up that your relationship has the potential to be much improved should you work on doing that and making her a priority in your life.
Teenage girls can be very judgmental. But it is a phase and this too will pass should you do the necessary work to be close and loving. If you neglect to work through the issues between you she may alienate you forever.

My therapist advised me to write and rewrite "I am good enough" since that is a core issue I have. My friend pointed out how affectionate I am with my daughter so I don't understand what exactly I am doing wrong.

You have to open up the lines of communication. Ask her what she is upset with you about, and don't talk, don't think about your response while she is talking, but simply listen and REALLY HEAR HER. Let her vent and cry and yell at you, and take it sitting down without interrupting her.
Then, after she is fully vented, have a two-way discussion on each thing she brings up.

Most of the time when a child is alienating a parent, it is because they feel they are not listened to.

Also make her a priority. I have a suspicion that you have placed the alcoholic bf above her in your priority list...maybe I am wrong, but remember who is more important--she is.

I have asked her on numerous ocassions and she will not talk to me. I have not placed my ABF above her. This has been going on long before he entered the picture. It feels like I am trying to communicate with a wall. She is expecting me to read her mind which I cannot do. She doesn't understand that she is only hurting herself by not communicating with me. I cannot fix what is wrong if I don't know what it us.

Still don't know how old your daughter is SE, but if she isn't wanting a relationship with you, why are you trying to gain custody of her???

Perhaps she doesn't talk to you because she can see the bad decisions you are making in your life...IMHO she is to be respected for that, hopefully she will continue to make good decisons in her behalf. I am sure that you want the best for her...right?

You're probably correct. She's much wiser than I. She deserves a better life than I ever had.

Wait, why don't you have custody of her to begin with?

My father kicked me out of his house because I don't know why. I don't understand anything anymore.

Hey there SE.

Sounds like you are having a really confusing, tough time at the moment. I've thought a lot about your posts and hesitated from posting, because I feel like there might be a range of other things going on with you/ in your life/ or that have gone on in your life before that you can't/don't want to talk about. And some of the things I would share in the context of "what have worked for me" might not be appropriate.

I'm very glad you are seeing a therapist, that did help me a lot, it was one of my most stellar choices! I hope it helps you too. Perhaps, right now, would be a time to focus on your own healing and well-being? Not abandoning your daughter, just not pushing things, if you are confident she is safe where she is.

Perhaps stepping back a little (with love) and always allowing her the open opportunity to start communication, but concentrating on getting yourself really well, physically/mentally/emotionally and in a good place?

and ditto your BF? I don't know though: you know your situation best.

I wish you well in your journey (()).