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aww - thanks Alucard! and good for you - Recognizing the situation is bleak with no future is one thing- Having the courage to take the necessary steps to correct it is quite another. stay strong! |
Boy. Did I need this thread tonight!! Was going to start my own but there is some amazing insight and advice here. Anvil head, thanks for posting about boundaries!! xABF has been pushing nonstop for us to work on things now that he's a month sober. But then yesterday, when I went to a friend's pool instead of running errands, and *gasp* was drinking beer, I became a "liar" and if I stay on path, he hopes I end up in trouble so I can see what it's like. All this harassment because he's "worried about me". Well, apparently I have the right to change my mind and make my own mistakes! So I wasn't where I planned to be. That's MY right! He thinks because he's on the road to being that person I wanted him to be, that automatically my love should come flowing forth like nothing happened. I feel like he's still manipulating me!! I will read this thread over and over until I can stand strong and move on. |
Originally Posted by SoBroken
(Post 3511766)
i am working on this same issue. i have cut way back on the time i spend with my ABF. im not sure if i even want to "let go" and stay in the relationship. its seems so counter productive... I think it takes someone almost "Saint" like to do this. to see past the disease. rite now i feel like if i "let go" and still stay in the relationship im giving someone permission to treat me like sh*t and frankly, im not ok with that. makes me feel like a doormat. how can i possibly keep my self esteem up when in a relationship like that? I understand that its all in how i REACT to his behavior but still...it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. That he really does love me, and that he's always sorry, and that its the "disease" not "him" hurting me doesnt mean squat rite now. guess im not anywhere near ready to "let go" and "continue the relationship". guess rite now im not strong enuff to say - I will stay with you, even tho you are going to lie to me, let me down, disrespect me, choose alcohol over me, and continue to distroy your health very possibly straight to the grave. I think im worth more than that. at the very least, i think i deserve respect. So for now...i will continue to limit my time with him as i clearly still allow his behavior to have severly adverse effects on my health. Its impossible for me to think clearly when he's standing in front of me, "molding himself" into something i could luv. i pay very little attention to who he is when he's with me. I pay VERY CLOSE attention to who he is when we are apart. Hugs to all... |
SoBroken, I find it interesting that you think staying is being strong. I think saying "no, you can't treat me like this" takes so much more strength than letting someone weigh you down. I feel far weaker thanyou! |
It isn't a matter of whether you stay or go. Being strong means doing what is right for you. Weird how tough it is sometimes to place your own self-interest ahead of other people's. Yet the alcoholic never has that problem. It is always Me! Me! Me! I need to become a bit more selfish. Perhaps there is something I can learn from AH after all. My recovery is also all about Me! Me! Me! We're just talking about a different me, that's all. :) |
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