SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - Question about addicts.....What have you learned?

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- - Question about addicts.....What have you learned? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/252556-question-about-addicts-what-have-you-learned.html)

I have learned that education is a powerful tool. The more I researched Alcoholism and Codependency the more I understood the common symptoms, thoughts, and effects. Education was a way to separate myself from the situation and analyze it with a birds-eye view to make more logical and fitting decisions. I feel if I weren’t so naïve in the past I would have saved myself a lot of heart ache, tears, and possibly years.

I also learned that your gut instinct is usually spot on. If something feels wrong it is. Trust that little voice inside. I don’t know how many times I ignored those butterflies telling me that my then AH would be on a tirade when I returned home, or that he was drinking despite him telling me that he wasn’t. You also have to turn to that voice inside when seeking answers. Only you knows what to do. Only you can make the decision of how much is enough. That voice makes all of our situations unique, because we are all different. There is not a “one size fits all” answer despite or situations being so alike visually.

Most importantly I learned that you have to love yourself. If you don’t love yourself then you open yourself up to the sporadic chaotic rollercoaster an addict’s manipulations can cause. Loving myself tells me that it is okay to say “no.” It is okay to disengage from the chaos. It is healthy for me to take care of my needs before others that can take care of themselves. It is important to feel at peace within.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlcoholicLove (Post 3337803)

1. Alcoholics are only 1 drink away from a relapse.
2. Alcoholics lie about everything, in order to get what they want.
3. No one matters to them, but themselves.
4. The Serenity Prayer is my friend.
5. I needed to learn to worry more about me, less about him.
5. I will NEVER be in another relationship with one.
6. NOTHING CHANGES UNLESS SOMETHING CHANGES.

This pretty well sums up what I've learned too....except for I also learned that alcoholics that are 100% committed to recovery, and stay on that path are the wisest, wisest people on earth and I'm proud to have "met" some of them here. (but doesn't mean I'll ever be in a personal relationship with them again)

The best thing I learned over all: I'm quite enough. Just how I am. I can have all the loving healthy friendships I can possibly foster...but I don't need a man to complete me, validate me or even love me. At all. And I'm good with it...

The best thing I have learned here is to expect NOTHING from the active alcoholic... even if they give you reason to believe there is hope. Never allow yourself to expect anything from them or you will just be let down and two steps back.

I learned that the incredible, heartbreaking pain of walking away from my exABF was not as bad as staying with him and living a turbulent, angry, lonely life. I learned that I will never, ever be in a relationship with an alcoholic again.

I've learned that if you feel like you are being disrespected YOU ARE

I've learned that your fear and anxiety is telling you something LISTEN

I've learned if someone keeps telling you you are crazy and you listen YOU WILL BECOME CRAZY

I've learned that I am not alone, and I never was. It makes all the difference in the world.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

A leopard doesn't change his/her spots.

I have learned so much, I could write a book....

That I never want to be one.