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Yep- I have been down all of those roads before and I am still immersed in it. Going to Al- Anon tomorrow- have made a vow to myself that I am worthy of happiness and don't deserve this. Someonehow I will figure this out. Thank you again for the support - with love, |
Susie, A few years ago around the time that I met my alcoholic ex, I was building up a fund so that I could quit my business and become a stock trader. I read loads of books about successful equity trading, which is - contrary to popular - all about cutting losses rather than just finding winners. And I remember a quote from a top stock-trader, I can't remember his name; but he said - when talking about winners and losers - "Everyone gets what they want from life". This quote stayed with me right the way through my five year relationship with an alcoholic partner whom I loved dearly, but which ended the wrong way, based upon how I felt at the time. I think The Rolling Stones too had a song called "You don't always get what you want... but you sometimes get what you need". My experience is that you always get what you need exactly when you need it. I can't tell you how to live your life or what to do with it, and it's easier to teach a cat to bark than teach an alcoholic in denial to give up drink, but you will know when enough is enough, and when that time comes you will act on it decisively. Just bear in mind that life is teaching you a lesson, but once you've learned it - and you may already have done so - you should move on and not look back. Peter |
Originally Posted by dollydo
(Post 3269154)
I am old, I am living alone...yet...I am not alone...I have an active social life, I have many friends, and I have my pets...when a women believes that she must have a man to define her and feels that she cannot be happy without one...she will never find true happiness. Happiness is an inside job, it is attained from the inside out. We woman have been ingrained to believe that we are nothing without a man...no matter how bad/abusive he is...time for us to thrive, and build our self esteem on our merits, our achievements. If I think that anything or anyone outside of me can make me happy, I'm insane. Thankfully my periods of insanity are lessening now. :-) |
Originally Posted by anvilhead
(Post 3269959)
apologies are part of the cycle of abuse. done to keep you in check, get you all starry eyed - parrots can be taught to speak - quit listening to his WORDS, watch his actions. off today to go hang with his high school buddies???? my how grown up...... you don't OWE him anything. relationships aren't about keeping score, or handing out receipts for services rendered. if both persons are not growing and thriving then its a toxic dysfunctional mess, calling out the worst in each other. it's like the difference between eating carrots or crisco....... Anvilhead you bring up a very important point. The apologies ARE a key component to the abuse cycle verbal physical sexual or otherwise. It's not just to keep their victim engaged it gives the abuser a relief from any guilt they are feeling. The apologies absolve the guilt so they cn tell themselves well all is good I apologized. My RExAB is the best apologizer I know...he gives you the tears while looking into your eyes; does the flowers, cards with heartfelt words, gifts of clothes jewelry, many promises, and if those things aren't working he will start calling my mom or friends and tell them how bad he feels for what he's done.... I TAUGHT HIM THAT THESE APOLOGIES WORKED....until 5 weeks ago. YEAAAAA ME! |
You guys are so wise! I so appreciate your wisdom- I wish someone could make me take this step - I know that is ridiculous- my Mom died last year so I can't talk to her and my Daddy is dying of Cancer so I wont trouble him. I will pray for strength- I know I am strong! |
Susie,
Originally Posted by Redheadsusie
(Post 3270287)
I wish someone could make me take this step - I know that is ridiculous- my Mom died last year so I can't talk to her and my Daddy is dying of Cancer so I wont trouble him. I will pray for strength- I know I am strong! Both your Mom and Dad will always be there, and you have no need to pray for strength either because it's already within you. Good night from the UK, I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow ! Peter |
you left before right? (sorry if i have that wrong). use the same door...... Anvil, I love you. That's classic. I'm going to print it out for myself if you don't mind Susie :) I know I am strong! You can do this Suzie, one step at a time ... right out that darn door Anvil pointed out :) |
"Use the same door" lol one of anvilhead's best. Redheadsusie, my EX also told me "I was going to be old and alone" -I am 30 and he is 27- then I realized HE IS THE ONE AFRAID/UNABLE TO LIVE BY HIMSELF! sorry for the caps but it was eye opening... he also said I would never find anyone else.. All sad manipulation techniques. I used to ask "how do you know?" I wondered, if real lovers have that kind of conversations? I guess not.. I thought they are too busy enjoying life and each other's company. When you are no longer around him you'll realize the difficult part was being around someone toxic, not dealing with life by yourself... a therapist told me "We are always alone anyway" ... in my life, there has been no worse loneliness than living with an abuser/addict/both. |
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