TC, it's time to round on him. Take charge of this. You'll be amazed at how easy it will be. Bullies are wimps.

Be very pleasant, smiley, and confident, and go and speak in his office. Tell him: "Bob, I'm excited to work on [project] with you. I need to make it clear that it's not acceptable for you to raise your voice to me or to be disrepectful. Moving forward, that's going to change." Smile.

He'll ab-dab and whine. You'll stand up and say, "That's all. I'm going to get myself a coffee, want one? No? Right, have a good day Bob." Smile, smile, smile.

And then record it.

I had an abusive boss who used to walk by the work area of the small team I supervised and sneer and say things like, "You're still working on that? That's not done yet?" Sort of making a show of it. Once I was literally on the floor fixing something, having worked until 10 the night before. She came by and did the same thing--clearly she was just trying to show what a tough boss she was, or whatever. I had just had it. I stood up, smiled, said, "Wow, I hope that's not your idea of a performance review. If you've got some insights as to how this work can be improved I'd love to hear them, but the drive-bys are not appreciated."

I thought, there goes my job. But she actually emailed later to apologise!

Thanks akrasia but as I said we are not in the same workplace (different countries)

Anyway I am trying to be professional and not entangle. (Difficult.)

Today he has questioned something I did not do over a week ago, the good thing is that I had records about the following day, a hellish day where we had other urgent things to do (the man knows this! we interacted all afternoon). So I answered "this is what I did".
So far no reply.

Anyway I went today to talk to my manager. Apparently this bully & someone else have done really bad reviews of my job. I felt really bad :( but also angry and frustrated.

They REALLY don't give a damn about the good things nor do they care about 60 hour weeks.

So I did not even mention the bully knowing I would not be supported.

I also asked to keep my current schedule (basically they have owned my time, whatever whenever during the day, night, holidays, weekends..) and the manager said NO, we don't want you working from home anymore, and we want you to be here from 8 to 5.

I said, hum, I got commitments during the morning. The manager said "he would discuss it with my leads".

This is just BS and disrespectful to my work so far. I kind of cried but not so much, I guess I am not feeling sad like a poor hard worker but more angry for being an idiot and staying somewhere where the hours are abusive, and now the treatment is abusive.

I was brought back to in my early years of my marriage/dating 21 years ago being at a work place....the women there cut me up, talked behind my back...and about my engagement to then about my fiance and i...it was awefull...i remember these wise words from my belated husband saying exectly that @NAIVE

I knew i was learning something in that work place and now bringing me to NOW...i was strong enough to bring my EX boss to court for UNPAID wages, and WON!!!

my HP has been watching over me for years...i know that now...what a blessing to have my HP and my late husband in my life!!:thanks

Yesterday night it was stressful

Today I replied to one email and Mr Jerk told me "no! this is not the last email in the conversation!" (the last email said exactly the same things)

Whew.

Anyway I got a couple of comments from other peers mentioned this Jerk was angry and they were asking me for updates to keep the man happy. So no, its not personal, he bugs others the same way as well ..

My own manager asked to have another meeting with me. Not sure what he wants. Not sure what I will reply. If I need to compromise on something I will ask to have the weekend to think over it. I know he wants me in the office from 8 to 5. Which means goodbye to my new fashion studies that I am loving. :(

LaTeeDa thanks for your post.
I am just asking HP for clarity.

Maybe I'm not aware of your working arrangement at your present company, but if you are employed full time albeit working from home as a benefit, but are expected to work as though you are in the office for a 9 hour day and getting paid for 9 hours (is this the arrangement?) how can you justify that you are taking a course unrelated to your job and spending time with that during working hours?

If TC's job is anything like my work-from-home agreeements (and I've had a few), it's usually a 40-hour-a-week gig -- but for the benefit of working from home, WHEN those hours fall is basically up to your supervisor. Meaning if they need IT support at 2 am, then dammit, you're out of bed and doing it.

A situation any union would have a brain hemorrhage over.

That's how I interpreted the situation anyway, but I could be wrong.

And TC -- you know, I've been thinking evil thoughts about my new supervisor for a while until... until I thought that more will be revealed... And that maybe, just maybe, things blowing up in your face at work is just sort of HP's or the universe's way of telling you that you need to start being open for other options, babe...

I've been panicking about my job (which I need to support my babies) for two weeks (the workplace climate has just been atrocious). Yesterday, out of the blue, I got an e-mail from another employer wanting to set up an interview with me. Did the interview after hours over the phone. Everything clicked. They loved me. I loved them. Waiting to see if the offer is one I can take, basically.

But the thing is -- if all that ugly s**t hadn't gone down at work, if I hadn't been utterly miserable and cursed the day that supervisor walked in the door... I wouldn't have been open to consider the door that opened for me. I would have blown off that interview. And maybe it won't result in a job, and maybe they can't pay me what I need -- but what it did for me was show me that I had choices.

And that's where I wanted to get to. Because people like us tend to get stuckified and forget that we have choices. Even if I have to work three jobs, it's still better than being abused by an ill-tempered boss. And I needed the reminder that whether I stay or leave -- I AM in control of THAT choice.

I hope things get better, or that you see an unexpected door opening to something better. :)

A wise lady once told me "Don't let them steal your joy!" I remember that when I start worrying about what other people think of me. I have the power to decide whether I am going to depend on crazy people or God for my direction. Crazy people (which is just about everybody who imposes their sense of morality and righteousness on others) will make you crazy! Why do I want to make myself crazy over someone else's insanity. I think Naive summed it up nicely. In the end, what is really important is between me and my HP.

Don't let them steal your joy! Hugs, Magic

gerryP my job starts at 11 and ends at 8 pm. My courses are in the early morning.

8pm using the term losely, it is usually until 12 or 1 AM. I also have to work weekends. Weekends and nights are paid the triple by law but no of course here in the company they don't pay anything much less more than normal.

The contract says 40 hours. I often do 60 hours like this last week. Its a problem of the entire team, I am not the only one with frequent extra and unpaid hours. Basically we have been understaffed for years.


I got over a hundred of extra unpaid hours, have escalated with "upper levels" alone and with team members .No one cares. In fact my manager told me why I dared took a 2 hour long break . I did not know if I wanted to laugh or to cry.




Anyway, Thank God I will be moved to a different account. I will be swapped with a team member in India - they guy has begged to change his night time hours to regular day time job and after a year it will be possible.

Another thing that makes me realize this multinational couldn't care less, honestly.

You need a new job, babe. Slavery was outlawed over 100 years ago.

lillamy thanks, I took a bath and came back and read your post. Thanks for your point of view it really did help me. Did you hear back from the promising employer? your supervisor sounds like mine.

Let's see how the new accounts behave -for all I know they are the usual stuff without crazy hours. I get alerts for every account and I never see any of the usual chaos of the current one. The other accounts are US based so hopefully normal business hours are respected more.

I might be able to stay in my courses if I take them in the afternoon and on Saturday. I hope they give me that chance in the school.

I am also thinking about other choices. I might go get the M Sc. in September so I might try for the scholarship and if I don't get it, seek a different job.

Thanks so much friends, I hope I can recover from the codependency and not beat myself up this weekend. For being a doormat and letting them treat me this way for this long. For not considering options earlier.

At least as my sister says, this huge account will look good in my resume, but no work is worth health and mental sanity.

((TC999))
I hate change, so I stay in some situations a lot longer than is really healthy. On the other hand, I have run screaming from one situation to another and not been any better off. At least you have the sense to take some time and look at your options. It doesn't do any good to beat yourself up about the choices you have already made. If you were psychic, you would have made better choices, but you made the best choices you could with what you had. You went above and beyond what was asked of you. You were very loyal to whoever you work for. None of this is a reason to beat yourself up.

Now you realize that happiness and relaxation are priorities in your life. You are already working toward these goals. Again, I see nothing even remotely punishable in that. If you beat yourself up, it will be like beating an innocent child. I would suggest you give yourself a hug and some words of encouragement for all the good qualities and admirable goals you have. Don't torture yourself. It sounds like you get enough abuse from those around you. You deserve better treatment, and if you don't get that treatment from those around you, at least treat yourself with the respect, dignity, and kindness that you deserve. It might make things a little easier to bear. Hugs, Magic

You can still confront the bully over phone/email if that's how you interract. Set a boundary. "I'm very happy to work with you on this but raising your voice and being disrespectful like that isn't acceptable to me. Moving forward, let's get away from that. So about that report..."

Thanks friends , I confronted the man and told him he didn't have to talk to me in that way. Things have run "smoother" since...

I have my "performance review" tomorrow, I know it will be bad.

The new position? the tech in charge now tells me days are from 7 to 5 and some days are OK and "some days are horrible"... then I am dreading having to go to the office and run into XABF again/perhaps working with him.. I know I should be already above all this but its true, I still feel anxious.

I have asked my mom if she would support me for a while if I quit - she said yes...

The truth is that testing the new studies I am loving them and I wouldn't be happier studying and doing my homework and taking some other part time job (or preparing for some other IT job when they can let me study for 4 hours straight !! the current one cannot guarantee that, in fact when I asked to stay in my current shift they said NO and asked for me to work from 8 to 5 and no longer from home. This after I have worked whenever required including nights and weekends and Christmases and New Years and anytime...

PLEASE God send me some clarity right away. I plan to bring my long hours to HR, perhaps they have some suggestions.. the new HR manager is a good person and with ethics (it feels as if everyone else has a normal/flexible job but our team.. in fact the company is now has improved its "great place to work" rating.. ironic)

Thanks for letting me vent.

Just sending kind thoughts to you for clarity and hope, and that it works out like it should.

Thank you LifeRecovery.. couldn't sleep all night, anxious .. :(

Yesterday I talked to my local manager and HR.. both are saying that it was my issue not to complain more about the extra hours ... BS, everyone in the upper levels knew, t and even with more "direct managers" we still work 60 hour long weeks...no quick "fix"...

At least I was told I might get compensated by this year's extra hours ..

Then I was told everyone had given a really bad feedback but that they were going to give me a special opportunity to prove my worth.

I am 99% sure I will walk soon....

It sounds like an abusive relationship alright, with the abuser promising good things to come when in reality its all the same BS over and over again..