When I read a statement such as "I avoid and eliminate from my life all people who terrify me or are d*cks" It is telling me the solution the OP found and executes. The way another member interprets a comment rests solely on them. Isn't this comment by the OP considered sharing her ESH? FWIW, I think so.

I don't expect for you to take what I am about to say as well meaning Transform, but when I fell attacked or sensitive about something that has been said to me (anywhere) I step back and ask myself why do I feel attacked, what was said that has made me feel this way? Most of the time I realize that the problem lies within me and I need to work on ME in some area.

No Gerry I totally get that it's my issue. I was hoping folks could actually hear what I"m saying. And I"m not stressed out, this is an issue I always have here. I have just as much right to express my frustration as any one else.

And L2L you didn't say this to me
which is more helpful, to say this is how I got out of the sickness of my childhood. For people who are already there, who have already worked through their issues of childhood and found that miracle of creating a better boundary, saying, "I no longer do this," isn't helpful (at least to me right now) because it just says, "I don't do this." There is no instruction on HOW just WHAT to do.

I'm trying to help folks understand how some statements come across to people who are struggling.

And I never got jokes in my ***** account, maybe it went to spam.

Transform,
I don't know how else to say the things I want to say. You have NO IDEA how much work it is for me to word things so that I personally do not pi$$ others off. But I have learned, and I know you are NOT going to believe me, that it is UP TO ME how I interpret what others are saying to me. It is NOT the other person's responsibility to walk on eggshells every time they want to post.

I have to constantly tell myself to assume THE BEST POSSIBLE MOTIVATIONS IN OTHERS. You have been trying to get your point across to people here on "how to write posts" that don't pi$$ you off and it is not working. I believe that is because most people here do not INTEND to hurt anyone else, or be mean, or nasty, or act superior. You want other people to change without accepting responsibility for how you see and interpret things. It doesn't make for nice conversation with you. If I felt superior to you, or didn't care about you, I wouldn't even effing respond.

And about your dad? I had a very difficult time with my dad too. But eventually I learned he is NOT going to change, so I can take what I like about him and leave the rest.

So do I. This doesn't mean I am superior or further ahead than anyone else who chooses to handle it differently in case you also interpret my method as such, Transform.

I like to keep things simple and really this is about as simple as it gets-eliminate them entirely.

Our experiences don't have to involve paragraphs ad infinitum. Sometimes it really is just one sentence. :)

Yes, sometimes it is I totally agree. However, this "eliminate them entirely," part is what the folks who PM me struggle with too.

I feel this conversation is over. I said what I needed to say and all though I felt I was being careful to say it, well carefully, of course there are hurt feelings.


Most of the PM's I get from are from people who are afraid to be honest about their situation for fear of the "eliminate them entirely," folks.

So, your kids and your sibs don't overreact to your dad because they don't take him personally? But, you do, and you see that?

And someone posts their experience and what they do in such a situation and it offends you (and some "PM people")?

I'm seeing a common thread here..........

L