This thread triggers me. Does it trigger anyone else?

8 years ago for me. I brought two additional children into that marriage. Do you know how much I regret my failure to face it head-on and be realistic? But I was committed and loved him and he loved me and I took vows and all marriages have problems, don't they?

(answer: yes. but alcoholism is different. every marriage doesn't have that. butthe ones that do? eerily similar in progression, or should I say "spiral".)

Yes L2L, I think it has been established over the last 9 pages that it 'triggers' people, whatever that means.
I don't want to trigger anyone and maybe I'll just stop posting. Also, from now on, I'm going to take a shot every time someone says 'trigger'. Or 'codependent' ;)

CLW...I agree about your description of marriage or any committed relationship. Doing nice things for each other is a reflection of the mutual love and respect felt by both people. I guess I am looking at your situation as more than that. Your H is an alcoholic, yes, but the cheating and lying? I am not saying he doesn't love you. I am not saying you shouldn't fight to keep your marriage and family together. For ME, the cheating and lying would raise other red flags beyond "oh he is just an alcoholic"... Perhaps the tone here is a bit cynical when it comes to love given what it seems most of us have gone through. I hope that everything does work out for you but I would have many many questions about the issues behind the cheating and lying. Being an alcoholic just seems like an excuse. The old "Oh honey, I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing" excuse just doesn't work for me anymore. People make choices. Being drunk doesn't excuse those choices. That's just a cop out.

I think the fact that you have a 20 month old daughter and a child on the way only makes his choices worse to me.

Please understand this is how I would feel were I in your shoes. Not pointing fingers. Just stating how I would feel in your situation. Bottomline, I haven't given up hope in love or relationships! I always root for love and happy endings!!!

:cheer

clw, If you have been married 5 years and have a 20 month old daughter, and your husband has been sober this time for 21 months,

will you discuss his decision to stop drinking 21 months ago? What were the circumstances then?

something fishy about it

Codie101 I know.... it's painful and I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him for what he did. I know he won't be able to forgive himself either. For me it's mainly the lying, although after reading some other forums out there, I can see how not telling might sometimes work better in a way that only one person suffers, the cheater. Don't take me wrong, I'm glad I found out, I guess... I'm definitely less trusting now, and definitely more firm with my boundaries. I will never be cheated on again and that's it.

our baby was 2 weeks old last time he got drunk. He then stopped and didn't pick up until last december.

Well that sure wont trigger anyone... LOL!!!

CLW...trust is so hard to regain in a relationship. I hope that he is able to regain yours for the sake of your marriage and your children.

oops I apologize if I offended anyone.
Also, if you want to close the thread - I agree. I don't think I have any more to add and talking about the 'triggering' just feels like people are making light of my problem.
Thank you all for being helpful and I do wish you all the best in your lives, you deserve it!
Logging off now

Yours,

Cute Little Wife :tyou

And unfortunately that's the part that will keep him locked into his disease.

I think we codies who’ve already traveled the path you are heading down need to remind ourselves that it is YOUR path to travel.

Please understand the responses come from experience, sad and painful experience in hopes others may not have to make the mistakes we’ve learned. But again, this is YOUR path to travel, your journey to learn.

I don’t see any reason why you should close this thread, I think you NEED to keep posting and talking about your forward movement with this situation.

((((clw))))

Excellent point. And, as much as I hate to admit it, nobody could have said anything to me 15 or so years ago that would have changed it.

L

Oh, we're anything BUT making light of your problem. This thread is spinning us back in time to a previous version of ourselves that is a dark chapter in our lives. This is the power of the accumulative damage of addiction.

We are all here to support you, as you make the same journey, but we all also have our own painful pasts that come into play as we participate.

It's actually not personal to you, or your thread, at all.

CLMI

Narcissism.
 

Narcissistic? Well, not really because you added 'wife' to it. That has to do with him, too.

If you were narcissistic, I would think CuteAsaButton or DarlingGirl or Skipper is more like it!! :day6

Dear CLW,

I'm caught up now. It took me awhile to read all the additions to this thread. I hope you'll resist the urge to make drinking jokes if you get upset at something someone says.

I suspect you have a misunderstanding about the word 'trigger' on these threads. When there is a hot topic that has information on it that can be tied to a high-intensity problem (i.e. the family disease of alcoholism) and it stirs strong emotions, a poster may use the word 'trigger'. Your situation is highly charged with emotional situations.

But, you're the one living it, and I commend you for taking the steps you have so far in making you feel better.

I cannot stress more how your education about this Family Disease will benefit you, and then in turn, your family. Your baby girl has already been affected, and you probably haven't been able to see it yet. Now, she will be able to write in our ACOA group when she becomes an adult. Even if her daddy never takes another drink or line or woman.

This is a very serious situation you're in.

When you described your hubby as a sullen, negative thinker even in positivity, I could only call to mind all the alcoholics I've known. Even the publicly jovial ones. And when I read that description in The Big Book, it made more sense.

Your RAH is selfish and self-centered, thus is the nature of the alcoholic, whether wet or dry. Don't paint a different picture. It would be a lie. And you don't seem to be a liar, just ill-informed.

Take heart. People are here with good intentions. These are loving people. Please learn the part about acceptance, and you won't want to lash out like you did.

"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept" -Bill Watterson.

These people on this forum aren't trying to make you feel worse about your situation. They just see things differently then you can with your nose right in the middle of it. They see their own lives and choices in your posts; their own denial that took them a lot of time to break down. My brick wall of denial to my AH is coming down, one ***** at a time. It's hard to hear and makes us defensive, but they're right.

I am embarrassed to admit I let my AH convince me that I needed therapy because of my 'inability to communicate with men". The therapist, after 30 minutes of hearing me describe my relationship with my husband, said he's an alcoholic. I spent another 5 sessions arguing with him! $500 wasted on denial! He finally told me to save my money and go to Al-Anon; that would only cost me a dollar a visit. 6 months later, I broke down and went to a meeting. Now, 8 months later and separated, with the AH 60 days into AA, I feel like I should write that therapist a note thanking him for at least planting some seeds even though I didn't want to hear anything he had to say.

Seeds are being planted here. Trust me - one day they will take root. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your baby. The damage from this emotional roller-coaster ride through hell and back is great!