Divorced
 

Hello SR...

So its been a very busy few weeks. I was divorced last Thursday, which would have been our 4 year wedding anniversary ironically. His lawyer was a jerk and so I got stuck waiting with my exah waiting for the judge to straighten everything out. We made small chit chat. He agreed to all my terms. He cried. And I still divorced him. I am free. It was hard. I think partly because now this is another change in my life but I am faking it till I make it.

The next day the person that I had been seeing which I thought was so wonderful got his walking papers. He saw me talking to a few guys while I was celebrating my divorce and so he decided to throw a few zingers at me the next day. Like asking me if I was a cougar? I am 35 and the guys I was talking to were a couple years younger than me. I was so caught off guard I didnt know what to say. Furthermore we happened to run into each other at the bar and I had a hard day (I did just get divorced) and just wanted to do my own thing. He had been distant all week so apologies that I wasnt falling all over him but talking to three very hot fireman. And that is all it was -talk. When he texted me Saturday I never replied. Mind you that wasnt the only zinger and he was just being plain out jerky. But man is it hard to detach and do what is best for yourself. Its like getting a root canal. I so want to sweep it all under the carpet and pretend he didnt say all the things he said. Oh and when I commented our schedules really conflict and asked him when we would see each other he said he really wasnt a "plan" kind of guy but more last minute. Yes I guess he expected me to be ok with this and wait for his next text with his last minute availability. No thank you.

And..................I GOT THE JOB OF MY DREAMS! I have been looking for this for so long. So much less stress. Very flexible position. Way more money and they even threw in a sign on bonus which I have never had ever been given before in my life. And after paying for the divorce I really needed it. So now I can start taking classes at school again and do what I want.

I am numb these days but am journaling. Going to my Alanon group on Saturday. Happiness is just around the corner if I keep working on me.

Any esh about the jerky guy would be welcomed. I am still peeved.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Hugs,

Lulu

yes!!! I LOVE READING THIS!! Thank you for posting!

More and more I am seeing myself in this light as well. I deserve happiness, stability, respect and I think I'll start ensuring this happens TODAY by treating myself in this way.
But you didn't. You heeded the red flag. Fantastic.

This post is all about leaving behind the fear and finding yourself, pleasing yourself, requiring others to respect you as well.

Three hot fireman would do the trick as well..;)

Congratulations Lulu!!! :a122:

Seems like the stars are aligning to put you on the road to happiness. The job just seems like the tip of the Lulu Iceberg :)

As for moronic dude, you did *just* the right thing. He was showing his true colors: he wants you to be at his beck and call, he's insecure/jealous, so much so that he feels the need to demean you to bolster his self-esteem. Nice. Good for you for recognizing that he was a waste of your time.

Congratulations on your new job!

As for the jerky guy, all I can say is it's better to find out now then a lot later about his less desirable attitudes.

Glad to hear you are attending Alanon and journaling. That numbness will subside as time goes on.

Be gentle with yourself, dear. :hug:

Love this tranformie :0) I guess you are right.

One did give me his phone number because I wouldnt give him mine. I may use it :)

Thank you and big hugs..

I needed to hear this so badly. You just wrote what I couldnt articulate to my brain and heart. I am printing this. That is EXACTLY what it was. Thanks so much for helping.

Hope he is scratching his head and checking his phone waiting for my response. Ok I know that wont happen but just self indulging for a moment.

xoxo
Lulu

I swear the one was fingerlicking hot. I couldnt stop staring at him. Maybe one day I will run into him again. His friend gave me his phone number but I am not sure. You are right. What the heck am I waitng for? I wont let one jerk get me down.

xoxo

Lulu

Please do post about your adventure in dating with the hot fireman. In case, you know, you need advice..

Congratulations Lulu. The new job sounds wonderful and you may feel numb but you sound strong!

Is there such a thing as a non-hot fireman?! :lmao

I wish you nothing but the best, Lulu. :hug:

That's the thing about me and my codi ism. I am sitting upset about a guy who was a jerk to me. Where I should be thinking about hot fireman. Really how dense can I be. Ay ya ya.

It takes time to undo our old thinking patterns, dear! It has nothing to do with being dense, I can assure you. :hug:

I dunno. How long did you date the jerky guy? You're probably attached and it'll take time to process the failed attempt at a relationship before you can let go, that's all.

For me the whole red flag thing is key. It marks a different era. I ignored red flags. Saw them, said, "oh that didn't happen," and went on my merry way. Changing that pattern is scary, but after evaluating horrible situations I "found" myself in, I recognized the one constant was ignored red flags.

I dated a guy last spring that loved me up, cooked for me. We had fun for a minute, until he had an absolute meltdown in front of me about, literally, a spilled drink.

I thought about it. A lot. I did not want a guy like that in my life, didn't matter why he behaved that way. This came immediately after my realization about ignored red flags and where they had gotten me. So I dumped him. Said, "hey this isn't working out for me thanks anyway."

It was amazing. It was scary and hard, but the thought about walking down that path with someone who I KNEW had the potential to flip like that was even more scary.

My friends have been telling me for years that there are tons of men out there who don't treat women like property, or play games or are screaming cheating alcoholics.

That belief in the scarity principal kept me in ugly situations. Today, I know that there are men who will worship and adore me the way I deserve, who I can respect in return. So many of them, in fact, that we needn't waste our time on folks who don't meet our standards.

Still, this type of work is hard, even with 10 hot firemen at your side.

Youre right transformie. We were only seeing each other for a month. He went from Mr Wonderful to Mr Player in one night. As Nofortoday said I dont want to be at anyone's beck and call and bear the brunt of his insecurity.

I dont know how long it will take to get him off my brain but I can say once the red flag was there I did run the other way. I have to work on NOT getting attached too quickly and handle meeting guys like a business meeting. Check them out and do some screening before allowing my emotions to get involved. That would make it easier on myself. And I would imagine easier to think clearer.

http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/5...ersrsohot1.jpg

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FWIW

Mr Live uploaded that because I didn't know how and I asked him to. He interrupted what he was doing to help me.
Not a jealous thought in his head.

It took me a long time to get to that point.

I knew I had made tremendous progress when I finally started dating, and it was just that, a date.

There was no emotional jumping into it, no bedding down first and getting to know each other later (which was my modus operandi for years and years), no overlooking any potential red flags.

It was always limited to a dinner/movie/whatever social activity was selected, and I came home that evening, happy to be back home. :)

It was just another part of my day, albeit a pleasant part usually.

There was no thinking about when 'he' would call again, or even if there was another date in the future.

It was a wonderful feeling when I realized how far I had come in my own recovery. :)

Its sad because it seems the men in my age range expect this. It seems the norm for the age range and area. I learned once and wont do that again. But whatever happened to good old fashioned dating? Its been a long time since I dated but jeez it has changed so much. Instead of them asking you out they ask if they can come over or if youd rather go back to their place??? Yikes. I may be doomed. LOL