This is a ridiculous comparison.
You are comparing a VIOLENT and criminal act (rape is not about sex) to a person cheating because their ego is unfulfilled and their needs are not being met

agreed and disagree.

If you believe addiction is a disease, then drinking is not a choice right?

And yes, people drink because they are depressed?! People do all sorts of things that are not rational when they are depressed.
Your point is not clear to me

I also don't think one needs to me mature to understand love and to not cheat. I think one needs to me spiritually grown to understand that cheating is wrong.

Mature people with broken spirits and egos cheat all the time.

* Peeks in...looks around...hi-tails it out of this one.

:peek

Actually, no I do not believe in the disease concept. But, I don't want to turn this into one of "those" threads. And, a lot of people who do believe it is a disease still acknowledge that picking up that first drink is a choice.

That is exactly my point. There are many things one can do to alleviate depression. Drinking is not the only choice. Just as there are many things one can do if they feel a lack of sex, cheating is not the only choice.

I'm speaking of maturity in the sense of experience, spiritual growth, and recognition of ego, not maturity determined by age. I know some young people who are very mature, and some older people who are very immature. So, in that sense, I don't believe that "Mature people with broken spirits and egos cheat all the time." They may be "mature" in terms of age, but not "spiritually grown," as you pointed out.

So, out of all this, what is the point you are trying to make? That men cheat, so we shouldn't expect them not to? That since men "need" sex, women should perform on demand? That the OP's husband was justified in locking himself in a hotel room and hiring hookers because she wasn't having sex with him?

L

:rotfxko

Mature = Spritually grown

:haha: <snicker>

http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2008/...05068-ISee.jpg

My xah came to me one day some years ago wishing to have a discussion about our unfulfilling [sexual] relationship. I'll never forget the tone of his voice, and his words, saying "I have needs, but it would be in conflict with my morals to get them met outside the marriage." I know he loved me, I know he wanted to have a satisfying sexual connection, and I know he did not go outside our home to get it.

I too dislike the generalizations that are often made here.

In my experience I would say a healthy sex life is part of a healthy relationship. I would even share that I've been with a few women who had a libido that would put mine to shame so I don't buy the argument about inequities based on gender.

I have never cheated, ever. Even after a few years at the end of a loveless marriage with no intimacy. I have had three different women I loved cheat on me but I would not contend that all women are hard wired to cheat.

Based on your experience I'm assuming because none of that rings true based on my experience. Sounds to me like you could use a good man in your life to help dispel some of these broad generalizations you proclaim as facts.

I'm with Pie Rat..I'm out of this one...

GMC, glad to hear that you are being checked...for your peace of mind.

Take care,

Dolly

I missed this reply, but glad I see it now
Where did I say "all men cheat"
My interpretation of men is not insulting at all. Why all the drama?
Sorry if you feel FACTS are deaming. I'm not making this up, it's fact.
Why is it so hard to accept other people have opinions that differ from yours?
It seems like when one doesn't have the same opinion as yours, you need to attack and shove your opinions down others throats.

Yes, all the men in my life have cheated on me and all the men in the lives of all my female friends have cheated on them. I actually know very few people (notice I said people and not men) who have not cheated. Women normally cheat from emotion and men from lack of sex.
Why did you cheat on your husband?

Again, please show me where I said "all men cheat"

A gentle reminder:
Let's stick to sharing experience, strength, and hope with the OP. :)

Gotta agree with Jazzman on this one. Not everyone cheats. And personal experiences don't make for FACTS. Perhaps it is true that in your life, Summerpeach, it is a FACT that all your partners have cheated on you. That is not the fact in my life. Therefore, it isn't a FACT for everyone, just you and others who have had the same experience. I think this is what everyone is taking issue with. That, and the unfounded assumption that men are wired for sex, and women are wired for emotion. It just ain't so. Everyone is different. But I do think it is a convienent trope to trot out to excuse bad behaviour. "That's just the way men are!" Yeah, but no. Personally, most of the men I know would be insulted to be thought of as basically just an erect, walking penis.

Cheating is always about entitlement--a person thinks they are entitled to sex, no matter who they hurt. They think they are entitled to it, and care more about that than actually working through the issues with their partner that led to the death of the emotional, and eventually the physical, bond in the first place. God knows the last thing I feel like doing is getting it on with my alcoholic, selfish husband. Too many resentments have built up, and his utter lack of empathy or appreciation of me as a partner has pretty much ensured I don't want him touching me. If he decides to cheat, then that is on him, and a character flaw. It isn't about me not giving him sex.

Cheating is about selfishness, and emotional irresponsibility. It isn't a normal response to an emotional crisis, it is a selfish band-aid solution for a slighted ego. And both men and women can be assh*les, and think that cheating is a perfectly acceptable response.

GMC, hope you have had yourself checked for nasties! Take care of YOU.

I was with A, who I loved, in a sexless relationship for over 6 years and I didn't cheat but thought about it because my needs weren't being met. I had the best sex of my life with an on/off "friend" who I wasn't in love with at all, we just hooked up a lot before I met A.

I've known a lot of girlfriends with a huge sex drive and some with none, same goes for male friends. I really think that at time goes on the male/female divide is shortening and so the differences between the two genders aren't all that great any more.

Okay folks, take a break. Go walk around the block, breathe some air. The purpose of SR is to offer support to each other, not fill the net with even more negativity.

I am closing this thread as it has served it's purpose.

Mike
Moderator, SR