Repaired Picker? - Dating - Why would I pass THIS up?
 

Friday night meeting friend in AA, was talking to another guy about going for a motorcycle ride the next day, friend had things to do. I say "I'll go, I'll be your biker bi*tch for a day" - Ended up being the most wonderful day in a long time. Went riding through the country, stopped at a cafe for lunch. Went to his house and he cooked me steak, salad, and asparagus. He took me home, made no moves. He was a complete gentleman. However, it was a wee obvious he liked me. So, he's called and wants to get together tomorrow night.

Okay, when my husband left - I went to California for a weekend with an Ex - The one that got away. I managed to seduce my way into a plane ticket in the span of a week. I was manipulating without realizing it. He will always have a big place in my heart, but he does not want a relationship. That, and well, he lives in CALIFORNIA.

So, here's some facts about this man I know from AA:

1.) He's got 12 years sobriety
2.) Divorced for 11 Years
3.) Only known him to date one woman in three years
4.) He's well liked in AA, he's the kind of guy "What you see is what you get"
5.) Self-employed contractor and does well
6.) He's a motorcycle riding, guitar playing, sculpter (I'm an artist) <toungue wag>.
7.) He's got many AA friends, his was the first house I went to hang out with others outside the rooms of AA. He likes having friends over. Very friendly
8.) He loves hiking, camping and has a boat!
9.) He's handsome
.
.
.
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10.) He's 18 years older than I am.

Okay so 9 outta ten ain't bad. I think I'd be a nut to let dating this guy pass me by. I'm entitled to some fun. We're both mature adults so I don't see why the friendship would be jeopardy?

Keep in mind that my husband and I weren't intimate for 2 1/2 years, so I do not see it was jumping from one relationship to the next. We didn't even argue at the end. It was dead. dead. dead. I want to date. I do not want to ever bleach the skidmarks out of another man's underwear AGAIN. I don't even want to think about the FUTURE. I want to enjoy the present with a good man.

Thoughts?

Oh and did I mention, drove me home in his car and OPENED MY DOOR.

For those of you 18 years older than me, I do feel weird about the prospect of dipping into your dating pool. As at 37, I'd appreciate the 20 year olds staying out of mine! :-D

How long have you been sober? Are you divorced or in the process of a divorce (have the papers been filed)?

Thanks Suki,

2 1/2 years sober now. Maryland requires a year of seperation before they'll grant a divorce, wether papers been filed or not.

What do you say then? You ladies haven't steered me wrong yet.

I'd keep it as friendship for right now. But, that's just me. I'm a pretty cautious person. When emotions and feelings get involved, it can make for a difficult situation should something happen and the relationship ends. I kind of look at it as dating someone where you work. If it doesn't work out, it could make things difficult. Of course, you could always find another meeting should that happen.

Wise words of caution. - Did I mention it's been 2 1/2 YEARS. Except CA one weekend that awakened my inner... you know. I'm afraid this sculptor might render me defenseless.

what does your sponsor say?

Oh that's a loaded question!

My sponsor says be careful. She's sorta limited there as she just had a baby with one man, but now lives with another.

She helps keep me sober tho!

I am 40. I think the age difference could be a hindrance, but on the other hand...why not have fun? why not be friends? why not hang out at his house with other friends?

How long have you and H been separated?

(I have been separated 7 months - must. get divorce. finalized. and I would love to date someone I found attractive.)

if it feels natural and nothing is forced and your heart starts to dance again..i say go with the flow...afterall everything happens for a reason...:lala best of luck Ali...

If I were you, I would do what I always do. I always used to be attracted to older drunks. Until my forties the men I chose were daddy substitutes. While it was easy to see this pattern...
So, date him and journal and if you notice patterns, flags, train engines, or new unhealthy behaviors, and here is the key... Because of your Codie nature, you'll most likely notice these things in him... Then after journaling... You'll see that each issue you see in him or around him, is really something in you. If you can work on these things, I think, you'll be amazed at how healthy and easy it becomes to change. I know I'm not clear here, but I think you get the point , hope you get it. It's a great opportunity for growth for you.
The age thing, is this a pattern for you like it was for me?
Well done on you Alzerin! I think you'll do fine dating. Enjoy this springtime and thanks for sharing like you do!:ghug3

Stella 2 months. :hide

LOL: there you go then, from my POV the age difference is sort of irrelevant, I have nothing in common with some people my ageyounger/older than me so it's whether you click or not. and whether you are on the same page with regard to where your emotional boundaries are, and whether it's just for fun, and if it all goes pear-shaped, do you think the fall-out would be minimal (and could you handle it?)

rigourous self-honesty about your motives. lonliness would be a bad position to make a decision from, (horniness probably aint much better:)

Serene - <thumbs up>

That was probably all the motivation I'll need!

I agree with your sponsor. I'm really not trying to be a downer, but you both have a history of alcoholism, and that, in itself, would suggest caution. I don't see the problem with having a friendship.

How long has it been since you have been separated from your husband? and when was the ex situation?

It is taking me a long time (years) to repair and to start to change me enough to even start to look for healthy relationships.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Who am I kidding, I'm stubborn. I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do. But, all werdz are in the back of my thick skull.

DIE THREAD, DIE!

Exactly! You are going to do whatever you want to do. It would be good though, to play the tape all the way through before you make any concrete decisions.

You can ask a moderator to close the thread.

Nah, it was in fun. I have a deep respect for everyone here. I'll read thoughts!