I realize you're angry about this, jo, but there's a world of difference between the land of imagination and the land of doing. Seriously - would you WANT your husband to be having an affair instead of just looking at pictures of bodies? I don't think so.

The pornography issue can be a fundamental difference between two people. It arises to some extent in almost every marriage I know. But it's one which might have some sort of compromise possible......somewhere in the gap between "I'll watch porn all I want, when I want" and "Never ever look at it ever you pervert." I have been exactly where you are and didn't believe this then, but I fully believe it now. You might think about seeing a marriage counselor and finding where that compromise lies for you two. It will require you both to meet somewhere in the middle - but you may be happier for it.

porn
 

I went through the same thing with my hubbie, although he wouldnt cheat on me i thought him watching porn was it. so i told him and any porn we qTCH 2 DAY ARE THE ONES I WANT 2 WATCH.....ALTHOU WE HAVENT SEEN PORN IN A WHILE. take care and keep me up 2 date,
luv ya,
cali

Ive heard this before "Men are visual beings" yeah I guess, but they can also be "conscious beings" aswell.
Physical or emotional, seems to go with porn aswell.

viewing - hes certainly not using it with me. Its all about him.

No, he didnt want me to know for sure because he knew how I would react. He did this selfishly and cunningly trying to hide it. I suspected something was wrong and looked for it and found it of course.
Strange thing though, since this has happened I have no desire for him and the thought of sex with him freaks me out. On the other hand he has become jealous (figure that one out) of any attention I get from other men.
To say, he did this because I wasnt putting out actually makes things feel worse. I have always been the one who made the effort, when I stopped, nothing much happened. When I questioned him about that, he told me it was because he never knew what I wanted?????? AFter 14yrs, heck Im feeling very inadequate, stupid and betrayed. Yep, I thought Ok blame myself again for his actions, something I did or havent done again. To say the least, Im over it.

My sister was telling me about her husband's jealousy as well (similar to your circumstance). It seems reasonable that when she (my sister) has no desire for sex, he becomes jealous assuming she must be getting satisfied some other way. The truth is she can live without sex (because of the circumstances); something he can't fathom.

I feel comfortable saying that when porn is being used and no real sex is occurring, yeah, it's a problem. But this is a triggery issue for me, so I guess I could be overly sensitive?

I guess it's a generational thing (I'm in my 20s) but I just cant fathom equating porn with cheating, or, as OP put it, assuming that my partner "prefered other men." It just seems preposterous to me. If my girlfriend told me I was cheating on her because I looked at porn I wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry. I'd probably give her a hug because it is kind of cute in a way.

Cobra you must be a male, in your twenties, oh yeah, duh?

IN MY OPINION .... *g*

when ANYONE ... does ANYTHING ... and covers it up, cunningly hides it ...

theres something wrong =- and they know it.
they're feeling guilty...
and no amount of shouting that they are open about their adventures...
their ACTIONS are their TRUTH.

The ONLY exception to this is -

people who donate HUGE sums of money and nobody knows who they are.

which is inarguably.... far fewer than the people hiding their pornographic preferences.