What about you, Frank...how are you doing? Have you found an Al-Anon meeting for yourself?

Nothing local. I need to find something over the net.

Al-Anon Family Group Online meetings. MIP Also provides Alcoholics Anonymous, Adult Children, ACOA and Child Abuse Survivors meetings and Chat!

There's a chat program and regular daily meetings there. I've "attended" the online meetings and got a lot out of them.

Frank....
I am glad your wife saw the psychiatrist.

Two little bits I thought I would share with you.

1. Those meds take time to work, time to get in the bloodstream. There is an adjustment period with them. She may feel sleepy, spacey, etc from them until such time.

2. Alcohol and Lexapro DO NOT mix, especially for us alcoholics. I know this from a horrific experience I had.

The success of medication, is in direct correlation to her sobriety. I don't know if she is involved in a program or not, but, daily recovery work is vital.

Peace.

She uses guilt as a hook to get to you. My XAH used sex,guilt, the cat is out of food,(when I moved).....as hooks to get to me. I started to recognize the hooks. I would not buy a house with her at this time. The disease is progressive.The vows got to me....my minister said the Bible says " do not be yoked to a drunkard." Down the road you may have the two kids still at home and could get a nice,guiet,no crazies,no chaos home. She chooses booze over you. She chooses booze over parenting. Save your kids and yourself....you cannot save her. Let her go live with her party friend.

Hi, I've been reading your post. It sounds so familiar. My AH annoys me everyday. My 17 and 13 year old kids worry about their dad. If he falls in the bathroom, they tell me to hurry and see what happened. Now how can I leave (again!!!) with my kids when they are worried about their dad? I think I'm waiting until they graduate....I don't know. I don't want them to think I abandoned their dad we he needed us the most. He is 49 has has alway drank every day since he was 19 or younger. So, I feel your pain. Kids make you think ... I wonder what life long scars will come of this.

yikes frank. drinking on those meds is really really bad news. it will make a bad situation worse. there is a reason that they stick a warning about alcohol on the bottle. it's dangerous. it will only make her behavior more unpredictable. be careful!

Alcohol and Abilify

I am trying she was drinking and eyes were glassy when I got home. Disappointed.

Funny you say that! She was drinking last night. She complained to me this morning about feeling sick after taking her medication. She was shaky and sick on the stomach. I told her that was probably due to the remaining alcohol in her system.

I have taken care of her for so long I fear leaving her alone. She and I both know she won't survive on her own. She is the mother of my children. Its very difficult to make that decision.

I understand exactly where you are coming from. Yes! The scars will last forever. As a big tough guy you would be surprised to know how this matter has caught up with me. My heart drops through my chest. Especially, when I can be sincere about something and she totally doesn't get it. She would seem so cognizant but really its the alcohol. Never imagined I would be going through such a thing.

How does that make you feel, mfrankl6? Trapped? Needed? Superior? How do you think you would feel is she showed you that she could be a fully functioning adult, responsible for her own decisions?

This is classic co dependancy. Have you read Melody Beatties 'Co dependent No More'? It helped me work out my part in my marriage and how I really wanted to live my life.

Your wife is an adult and, actually, is very capable of being responsible for herself. You have assumed this burden so that she doesn't have to. She knows you will clean up after her, take care of everything and give her a soft place to land so that she can focus on drinking. From what you post, she has very little reason to want to change - she is very comfortable the way she is.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Have you read some of the classic posts on boundaries (they're in the sticky section of this forum)? They might be able to help you start making changes in how you live and help improve your quality of life.

Thanks bookwyrm! I look forward to learning and changing the way things are.

from Copingwife: I don't know. I don't want them to think I abandoned their dad we he needed us the most. He is 49 has has alway drank every day since he was 19 or younger.
Sounds like he abandoned you and the kids a long long time ago.

I hope y'all don't spend too much time up in your heads pondering how this kind of life affects your children when that energy could be used for taking a stand and actively protecting them...if you wonder what the scars will be pop over to the ACOA forum here and you'll get a whiff!

peace-
b