Withdrawal
 

Well this is day 2 of not drinking. Yay! But now he's in such a mood, tired, and extremely irritable.

How do you deal with this? I heard him mumbling to himself about not being "allowed" to feel angry, not allowed to feel anything, not allowed to exist.

Of course he just thinks that I am a controlling b***h for wanting him to actually take some initiative and work for the family.

So my question...how do I deal with this?

Thanks. You guys are my lifeline right now.

Let it go. Leave him to him.

What are you doing for you?

L

Well...stressing I guess! We had a couple of talks and I blew it a couple of times by asking questions that ended up making him feel guilty but things just came out of my mouth wrong. I've never seen him this affected by the downward spiral our lives have taken, I hope this means that things will change, but I'll believe it when I see it.

This evening he said that we are both stressed and need time apart, and I agree although of course it is hard because I love him and miss him.

By the way....I HATE ALCOHOLISM!!!!!!!!! I FREAKING HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks :(

What works for me is knowing that there are many others dealing with this same issue right now, and many others who have been through it and survived. You are not in this alone!

My AH and I were on again-off again all summer, until I finally found the courage to set some boundaries and leave for good after an especially violent episode. Walking away from an 8-year relationship was frightening, but I have to remind myself that he wasn't ever truly committed to the marriage because his "lover" is the bottle. He is emotionally unavailable.

If your AH is irritable, angry, etc...those feelings are HIS responsibility (not yours). And yes, alcoholism stinks. For those of us who love the drinker, it's incredibly painful to watch them commit suicide by the installment plan.

I wish I could offer advice but wanted to say we are in a similar boat (this week!) and it's a tough road to hoe. I prefer this over the binging though. Sort of waiting for the next one. Reading this board, it seems inevitable.

Thanks everyone.

It's like a lose-lose situation sometimes. If it's not the drinking, it's the withdrawal.

Well he seems better this morning and in a good mood. Last night was very nerve-racking because he was really contemplating going out to get booze. The only thing that stopped him was the fact that we have $60 left for the next 3 weeks. Thank goodness he made the right decision this time.

I hope this means that things will change, but I'll believe it when I see it.

Waiting around for another person to change drives me CUCKOO!

He does not need to change at all for "things to change." Are you working a serious program for yourself? From your posts you seem very very focused on him and his moods and his struggles....I know it is very hard and whether they are drinking or sobering up an alcoholic will tend to suck up all the air/energy in a room and get all the attention. However if you read up about alcoholism you will see that this continued dynamic of you being focused on him is actually contributing to his illness! Hard to believe but true. It's not like the flu where a week of TLC and chicken soup will get an A on the road to health. Alcoholism is a formidable and cunning foe. It will even wrap its tentacles around you and make you complicit in its destruction unless you really work a program to keep yourself focused on your own life and leave him entirely to his own battle with the bottle. Entirely.

It's not easy but it is worth it and is vital to safeguarding your mental health and ability to make clear decisions about your own life...

Have you checked out the stickies at the top of the first page of this forum? Esp the Classic Reading sction?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...c-reading.html

good luck -- keep posting! AlAnon helped me turn my head around and make the changes in me, and that has made all the difference in the world!

peace-
b