There is no way of knowing IMO. Just be sure it's not your fault! And at 41 he sure is at the point where he could choose to seek sobreity if he wanted it. His reasons are irrelevant. He doesn't want to. As sad as that is, it is what it is.

It was hard enough to let go when it was as a spouse. I'm sure in many ways its much more difficult as a parent. You have my prayers.

my son was living with a girl(friend) for only a couple of weeks (a month at most), really since he left the last recovery house. well she threw him out today when he came home drunk again. he had a part-time job which is gone as well. and the circle goes on.........

it's funny - while he was with this girl i actually felt secure knowing someone was "babysitting" him - sick isn't it, being happy that your 41 year old son had a babysitter!!!!!!!

god only knows what will be next.

thanks everyone for giving me support.

lucy

My husband's sponsor says A's drink because they want to drink. He doesn't believe in excuses, although they do come in handy when one is debating giving up their sobriety. To that extent, I can relate to a smaller scale with smoking. Since I quit, just about anything the slightest bit stressful can happen and I automaticallyt think, "Well, that's it. I'm going to go buy a pack." Then I have to talk myself out of it. I actually drove into the parking lot the other day and sat there staring at the doors of the gas station and then drove off. If it's that hard for cigs, I can imagine it's worse for alcohol.

I know my husband's mother has not wanted him sober. She has too much control over him when he's active. Sounds like you are there for your son. Would be nice if my husband's mother just loved him. Just love your son. There's not much else you can do.

Cliff said

That's interesting isn't it? Did you say he was in a rehab facility for 6 months?

If so, that sure seems like an awful long time to be in a structured environment, doesn't it?
6 months. That's close to a semester and a half of school.

And if someone is away from booze for 6 months, and then they come up drinking again, the next question is "What did you do in that facility for 6 months?"

I mean, is it like an old folks home, where everyone sleeps late, watches tv, eats when they're handed food, and then sleeps, plays card or watches more tv?

Or is it like army boot camp, where they teach you how to structure your day, how to take control of every 5 minutes, every 60 minutes, ever morning, noon and night.
Because it seems to me that if someone was in a boot camp, they could be taught to live without alcohol.

Don't get me wrong, i know very well the addictive power of alcohol, and it's control over our rational thought, our "choices" we make one day and then become overwhelmed and break the next.

I'm just wondering what they do in a rehab center?