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I agree with Laurie, hun. 100 per cent. Prayers going out. :hug: |
Originally Posted by laurie6781
(Post 2142206)
(((((Blessed))))) You are in GREAT DANGER. You are dealing with a DRY ANGRY DRUNK. He has done nothing but stop drinking and now his ANGER is really going to come out. What you described happening the other night is SPOUSAL RAPE. That my dear is AGAINST THE LAW. |
Originally Posted by blessed4x
(Post 2141969)
My counselor is working with me on identifying that little "radar" that goes off and trusting it. I feel that something has changed, and isn't quite right. :praying KJ |
Wow, Reading these posts remind me of how I came to feeling suicidal twelve years into the 12 step program. I love the 12 steps, yet, I believe there is a message or perhaps many messages that go on overlooked and neglected. Acceptance is the key. We begin to accept what life offers us, without anger and without resentment. We begin to stop our meaningless judgment of others and trust that everything is happening for a reason. Thus we look for the gift within the situation. I hear a lot of blame tossed out, yet where is our responsibility? In not looking at ourselves, we are still coming from the victim consciousness. Truth is that someone can do something to us once. After that we are a party to the second event, we make the decision to be there when we know full well what this person does. Thus they don't do it to us any longer, WE do it to ourselves. The twelve step program is one that can take us from the victim consciousness to a responsible consciousness, but only if we are willing to move forward and work the program. ~Cheryl |
Hi Blessed -- I'm sorry that you are going through this and pray that you take the advice of the proceeding wise posts. I never thought that my husband would do some of the things that he did -- never. But my tolerance level increased the longer I was living in the environment. The night he pushed me, I knew that was it. He was out of control and he scared me to death. He moved out three days later (I was with him for 27 years). I work in the woman abuse field. If you look at coroner's homicide reports of women who have been killed by their spouses/SO, the majority of the people around them, who knew the couple, thought like your friends and family -- "Oh he was such a great guy, didn't think that he would do something like that, she must have provoked him (victim blaming). These reports will show that the risk of abuse escalates substantially when there is the threat of separation or actual separation occurs. The women (now deceased) often had told a friend of family member something along the lines of I feel that something has changed, and isn't quite right. In my wildest dreams I couldn't imagine him hurting me or the kids, but I also never thought he would say anything like he did. Please please listen to your instincts. Please please be very careful. We are all thinking of you -- please keep us posted. Laurie |
Thank you all. We talked a little tonight. He was angry that I am continuing to go to Alanon, and thinks that I am just going because I'm mad that he quit drinking for 4 weeks (thus proving he's not an alcoholic). I didn't even try to explain.....what's the point? I did say to him, "I'm going for ME, and I plan to continue". He restated that I must be upset to find out that he's not an alcoholic. I told him that really wasn't for me to decide, but I had to go for ME, because MY thoughts and behavior had gotten out of control. He doesn't get it, and that's okay. I'm keeping my distance, cell phone in pocket. I'm not making any excuses for what he has done.....reading back over it I see how deplorable it was. recoverycoach.....I don't see myself as a victim at all. That would make me weak and helpless. I spent WAY too long there, and that is why I am investing my time (and well-spent money) in counseling, Alanon, and here. I take FULL responsibility for my part in the dynamics of our relationship. Unfortunately it took me 21 years and 4 kids to get there. I believe the people here have nothing but the safety of me and my kids at heart, and I appreciate the feedback. |
Well then, if you are staying, do this: Put 911 on your one key for a speed dial, since the phone is in your pocket. Most phones nowadays can be tracked by 911 dispatchers. Call to find out if yours can. If it can, keep it in your pocket and press the button for 911 if the s hits the fan. Leave it on and the dispatcher will probably hear you screaming and can track your phone and send help. The police department in my area often gives phones that can only dial 911 to Domestic Violence high-risk women. This has so far saved a few lives. If your phone can't be tracked, then still take these steps, but try to remember that you are going to have to scream out your address after you press the speed dial for 911. Or teach a child to do it. I hate to have to tell you how to do this. It makes me sad. Love, KJ |
blessed, for your own sake you have to start assuming that the man you married - the one who was good to you - is gone, and is not coming back. He doesn't "get" you wanting to heal and be happy. What more do you need to know? I too was in a relationship that escalated into abuse. And he was just the swellest guy ever, until he cracked my cheekbone and threw a cinderblock through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. Never underestimate the damage that anger, repressed pain, and sexual frustration can do. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and please (as you've been told countless times here) stay safe. :hug: |
He has never been (physically) abusive, however my counselor tells me that I describe a very emotionally/verbally abusive relationship. What are the signs that it could escalate? My councelor told me that there were "Red Flags" being thown up all over the place. I was clueless. Like you my AH has never been physical, but my councelor told me I should be prepared (even though we are seperated). He thought telling my older dd who to call incase I felt something wasn't going right and having a code so not to upset AH would be helpful. Something like "dd can you get the laundry out of the wash" That way it gives her a reason to leave the room to make the call. You are doing great!! :praying |
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