Guess who followed AA with trip to liquor store?
 

Yep, it's AH...

He told me about his meeting on the way home and how he shared and everything and wanted to go back the next night, then asked me to stop at the grocery store so he could get dinner. He gets out of the car, then I see him walking across the street to get his vodka (second pint for the day, I might add).

I tried to detach, but truly my heart sank. When he got back, I couldn't hold my tongue. I said, "I don't even know what to say to you." I felt so disappointed and disgusted.

It's so hard to detach sometimes. I did get to my own meeting, which was great as usual. I really need to keep going back. This whole situation is so disheartening sometimes.

Im glad you are taking care of urself.

Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.

It was I in my marriage that was
the alcoholic and my then husband
was not. He knew my recovery was
important to me and I did take care
of me by following my AA program.

For him, he did go to several al-anon
meetings just enough to learn the
word dettachment.

However, as i grew and changes
in recovery, I left him behind.
I couldnt work his program and
he never really understood all
my remarkable changes.

When one in the family is sick
with an addiction, the whole
family is affected. Everyone
is advised to work some sort
of a program in order to
understand each others
changes.

Take care of you because
its that important not to
blame urself for his addiction
and actions.

U go girl..! :)

I just read ur other post about ur 3 days
without a drink before i posted here. 3
days is a good start.

I jumped the gun and thought u were
in al-anon. The wife of AH.

But not to worry ...working al-anon
or AA or NA ....it's a program designed
to help those with or without addictions.

Everyone is affected and help is always
available to guide you on ur path of
recovery.

I still say " u go girl" on taking care
of you.

Thanks for letting me share.

No, it's okay Sharon, I AM in Al-Anon. I stopped drinking because I had been drinking too much with AH and using alcohol to try and relieve the stress (didn't work). I haven't been to AA, not sure if I will, but hope to get to as many Al-Anon meetings as I can.

So he isn't serious about not drinking or AA. How you you going to change you and your life to make your life better regardless of what he does or does not do?

I know I can only be serious about my OWN recovery. I want to keep going to meetings and see what the changes are and where that path leads me. I am open to everything.

Just to share, I had a nasty visual experience this morning. My 2-year-old had found one of AH's empty plastic vodka bottles that I guess he left laying around last night, and I caught her walking around the kitchen with it pretending to drink out of it.

Horrifying!!!!!!

Unfortunately, that is proof that children start being affected by alcoholism at a very young age. Think of all the horrifying lessons she is already learning and how many more she will learn as time goes by.

I'm trying to envison, leaving a meeting and buying something to drink.

That just tells you how powerful alcoholism is.

You husband, hasn't hit his bottom yet.

I am starting to question whether AH has a bottom at all. So far because of his drinking he has...

Lost jobs.
Lost his first wife.
His parents moved across the state.
Been to jail 3 times for DUI.
Totaled 2 cars.
Had to live in a homeless shelter.
Been in a mental hospital.


That's just off the top of my head. I really don't know what it would take at this point.

Unfortunately, there are many who end up dead because of their alcoholism. My xAH is apparently headed in that direction since it seems he has liver disease.

You cannot help him find his personal bottom that may not exist. You can choose to make changes in your life that prevent you and your children from continuing on that downhill ride.

Now I know you are not me, but ............................................... I am afraid that would have been the 'LAST STRAW' for me. Now you have a VISUAL of what this is doing to your children.

Oh and BTW, WHY are you drdiving him to AA meeting? He can find his OWN WAY. I know of many that do not have vehicles or licenses in early recovery and ASK for rides from members. Yes, they actually ASK other members, it seems to be part of the 'recovery process'. One alkie helping another.

I do believe his ACTIONS are telling you that all he is doing is QUACKING. So ................................ what are you going to do to change things for YOU and your children?????

J M H O

Love and hugs,

AH can't drive because of his most recent DUI. That's why I drove him.

He has today off and asked me to take him to the grocery store, but as soon as we went he made a beeline for the liquor store. That was after just waking up at noon.

I'm getting really disgusted. I don't want my daughter growing up in an alcoholic home. I can barely handle it--why should she have to? He says he wants to go to another meeting tonight, but really what's the point? To get his paper signed, I guess.

We are barely talking today. I can't, or else the floodgates would open up. I'm just really grossed out right now.

I did find out about a treatment center for medical detox that he could afford and e-mailed him the link, but he just got mad and said not to do it anymore, so I'm not going to. I shouldn't have anyway in the first place.

Do you realize this is a form of enabling? He has no consequence since he now gets a custom taxi service. Let him find his own way around to where ever he wants/needs to go.


Yup. You gave him the information you wanted him to have. Now it's his choice what to do with it. Let it be.

That used to be a common occurence in our home. I also remember my daughter taking a big swig of my vodka and coke, it horrified me but of course I was still in denial of my alcoholism.

I'm grateful that AA "stuck" from the first time I went. Having a head full of AA and a belly full of booze has got to be pretty confusing.

Wish it had been my mom's last straw. Instead, I spent forty years hating her guts for putting us kids through all of that.

No offense intended. I'm glad you're trying to help yourself and wish you the best.

Is he court ordered to go to AA, or do they ev en do that? I just wondered about what you meant by "get his paper signed". It sounds to me like he's only going because he has to, not that he's self-motivated. Sorry if you already posted that, I may have missed it.

AH doesn't HAVE to go to AA by the court, but he has an appearance there next week and thinks it will look more favorable if he has been to AA. He is facing the possibility of four weekends in jail because of not completing any of the terms of his probation, so he's trying to get around that.

He's all excited right now because "Sober House" is coming on. That show angers me, and it's irritating that he will watch and laugh at it. The irony makes me mad.

Anvilhead--I have tried to set a few boundaries and stuck to them. The driving thing is difficult because if I don't drive him to work he can't pay his part of the rent, and there is a liquor store right next to where he works. I did tell him I would not go out and buy his alcohol or drink with him anymore and have kept that bargain. But I would be willing to consider going further with boundaries if necessary. I'm tired of carrying the burden all the time.

AH doesn't HAVE to go to AA by the court, but he has an appearance there next week and thinks it will look more favorable if he has been to AA. He is facing the possibility of four weekends in jail because of not completing any of the terms of his probation, so he's trying to get around that.

This sound similar to my theory of why my husband admitted to alcohol being a problem and attending rehab and AA -- it would look good to a judge, get his family back and save his job. I really don't think he ever believed he had a problem or needed help -- he wasn't like THOSE people. When the judge was light on him, he got his family back and retained his job -- his recovery fell apart and has continued falling ever since.

My AH has four dui's. I have been driving his sorry a** around for most of our 27 year relationship. We live quite a ways from where he works and I go in the opposite direction (live in a little village between two towns). He managed to get a coworker who goes by to pick him up on the way -- he pays him for gas. He explained to me the shame he has in asking for rides because he is ashamed of what he has done but never once felt bad if I had to go out of my way to take him anywhere.

We have basically not spoken in two months now (still live under the same roof) and I haven't given him a ride anywhere in that time -- he is spending a lot of money on cabs but he is managing without me. My daughter has given him a couple of rides (until he went awol one day when he was supposed to meet her for a ride -- now she doesn't go out of her way to drive him -- thank God she has boundaries!).

I understand wanting to drive him to where he needs to be -- that was one of the reasons mine didn't want to go to meetings or counselling -- I would have to drive him. But I told him, whatever he needed, especially if it meant him NOT going to meetings or counselling. I would spend hours "waiting" for him to get off work -- sometimes he never met me and I had wasted a whole evening waiting for him. I think that is why I'm having a hard time filling my time now -- I don't have to cater to everything and everywhere he has to go. It will take a little while but I really should consider that "heavenly"!

I find boundaries a tough thing. I'm learning. Set up the ones that you feel you can stick to and if you add to them a little bit at a time, all the power to you!