I am one who thanks my ex, in fact I thank all my exes! I am at a place now where I am content and free from fear!

In all my life I was afraid to be alone. I am no longer, if I live my life till the end, just me, I will be happy - that's a lot for me to say! I would have panic attacks only 12-18 months ago about that. I am depression free for the first time in 15 years! Through many spurts of medication, counselling and finally therapy. I have been off meds and therapy for over a year, and I am still feeling good about all things.

I know that if it wasn't for the things I have faced and lived through, I would not be who I am today. Like FD, I see my friends and family benefitting too. Some people in my life have told me I have wisdom beyond my 28years. This humbles me, I would not wish my existence on anyone, and I believe I have so much more to learn, and each day I look for the lessons.

This is why despite all that happened, I still keep in touch with my ex. When I speak to him, it teaches me. I see the parts of myself that still need work, I can feel compassion toward him and other's like him. I feel blessed to have the life I do, because, there before the grace of HP go I, I could and anyone could have been in their place. If I had turned a different corner, I could be the addict, but I know that should that fate have befallen me, I would still have my loving core, that just wanted to be happy and wishing each day for life to get better, yet floundering not understanding or knowing where true happiness lies... within myself.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

:nyag

The emotions you are feeling are difficult to work through, no doubt about it. Yet, I see progress that you may not see. I, too, went from anger at him, to anger at myself, to forgiveness of us both. It is certainly easier to be angry at him and blame him for your troubles (victimhood), yet I see the evolution of your emotions coming around to being angry at yourself for allowing him to take advantage of you. That is a necessary step in the evolution, but by no means the end of it. I hope your anger will evolve, as mine did, into forgiveness. It is possible to own responsibility for your actions or lack of, and still forgive yourself. You may not be there yet, but keep that as your goal as you work through the anger. Know in your heart that just as anger has a place and a purpose, it does not define you. Continue to feel all the anger you need to feel and do not try to stuff it down. Let it wash over you like a wave. And when it finally recedes, you will be left with forgiveness. It doesn't feel like it when you are drowning in the wave, but it will recede. You can't control it, you can only let it run it's course and know that "this too shall pass."

L

ltd, i'm crying like a newborn baby after reading your post. so beautifully written with just the right words to help me. and others, too, i hope. everyones words are very important to me that have posted, but sometimes a certain post captures ones heart with such clarity that suddenly puts things in perspective.

yours was one of them today for me.

thank you, ltd.
jeri