This weekend he wound up in restraints
 

From Thursday night to Friday morning my husband drank so much I had to call the police and paramedics and had to have him hospitalized. He had a blood alcohol level of .360 - the legal limit in my state is .06. He was crazy and acting out like a maniac. It hurt me so much to see him in the restraints. But lately since the passing of his father the drinking has taken a toal turn for the worse. He is drinking 5 pint sized bottles of vodka about 4 to 5 times a week. He was never angry and hurtful before, but now with all the hard booze it is a different story. he is not himself and calls me all kinds of horrible names and comes after me and has given me a few bruises from grabbing me. I am shocked becuase he always drank but in all the years we are together he was never violent. He is about to lose his job for the hundreth time and we are struggling finanically again. We were doing great until his alcoholic father passed away.

I am not sure what is going to happen. He is seeing a grief/addiction therapist again on tuesday. he is taking zoloft and xanx and will be starting campral a medication to help him stop drinking. I love the sober him but hate even being around the drunk him. His family is well aware of the problem and they help me enable him. My mother in law is the biggest enabler out there worse then me. She contantly bails him out of trouble, gives him money (thousands) to help with bills every time he loses his job.

I know he is sad about the death of his father. They never had a good relationship and the death is hard on him.

i am just scared becasue even though he drank he was never hurtful or violent with me. Things have changed and I feel as though the booze and the death have taken over his entire existance - I don't know what it will take for him to hit rock bottom. He has hit bottom a few times and still nothing.

I am hoping the campral helps him stop drinking? Does anyone have any information on alcoholics who took this medication?

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks you and a good day. Today is a good day. Yesterday was an ok day. I hope tomorrow is a great day. I to need a lot of help becuase my mood depends on if he drinks or not. I feel like I have everything in the world on the days he does not drink and I feel like I am and have nothing on the days he does drink. I just can't separate from the disease.:praying

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. The thing that worries me most is that he has become violent with you. Do you have children at home? As you know, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it always gets worse unless he gets help and stops drinking. If he has already started putting his hands on you, my concern is that it will only get worse. I hope you have a plan to get away if this type of thing continues.

Campral will not stop him from drinking. It does help with cravings, but he has to want to stop drinking before the campral will do any good at all. I have been taking Campral for about 2 months now and I have very few cravings.

Welcome to SR. Keep reading the posts and if you haven't already, read the stickies at the top of this forum. There is a ton of support here.

Prayers and hugs going out to you.

Thanks for your reply. I do not have any children. I know enough not to have children with an alcohlic even though my dream was to become a mom. I was under the impression from the doctor that the campral will help because it is being taken with the antidepressents and the xanax? i am wrong to assume it will help him? I know it is not a cure. I only have hope becuase he has finally decided to seek therapy and he would never agree to that before and he has just finally said out loud that he is an alcoholic.

I do not really have anyone to turn to as my family is not aware of the problem. I hide it as best as I can - they think he is this hardworking fun loving fantastic man who always does for others. Which he is when he is not drinking, but that is rare anymore.

It is bad because I am not afraid of him drunk or sober and would defend myself should he come at me. I know this is wrong behavior as well. It was a big step for me to join this site and is such a great outlet for me. I love it.

I have high hopes for the therapy and meds he is on. Do I give him this chance since he has admitted he wants help?

I am 33 years old. We have been together since we are 15 years old. He is the love of my life and I know you hear this alot, but I know he would never knowingly hurt me. He blacks out constantly from the amount of vodka he has been drinking. i am hoping the grief counseling helps him deal with the lose of his father.

How long does it take someone to detox before all the alcohol is out of their system completly. I plan on trying to keep him in the house all week to try and detox him before he starts the campral.

You should get medication to detox him, people die from Alcohol withdrawal. Typically he should be on some drug to prevent seizures and watch the blood pressure. Ask the Dr. about this.

The optimal situation would be for him to do an inpatient medical detox. I was in medical detox for 6 days. They kept me on medications so I didn't suffer the withdrawals. They can be horrendous and many who try to detox alone will drink to stop the pain. The medical staff will monitor his vitals several times a day and make sure that he eats very well. After he leaves detox, he can start a rehab program. They will send him home with medications to help with cravings. That's where I got the Campral.

Is the therapis or regular family doctor able to prescribe medication to help with withdrawl symptoms. They said that is what the xanax was for? I am so confused and need to be educated. He thinks he can detox at home. How many days does it take until the sysmptoms start. he always seems to be ok for three days after the heavy drinking then the urge hits again. he has the shakes constantly but that stops with the xanax?

Any info would be really helpful

thanks for all the help and support.

what are signs and symptoms of withdrawl? I am not familar with this. I just keep praying. I know he wants a different lifestyle then what he has now.

xanax will help/abate the PHYSICAL withdrawal symptoms - shakes, fast heart rate, agitation, hallucinations etc. The dose will need to be adjusted based on how much he drank.

However, xanax (or any kind of benzodiazipine) is also a depressant and when taken with alcohol (also a depressant) can be big bad trouble (pass out and stop breathing) if you are not careful.

Good luck to both of you and please take care of yourself!!!

Also, xanax, being a benzo, will also require a regulated weaning. It's very easy to become addicted to xanax. I'm not trying to scare you, but you need to know these things if you are the only one there with him while he's detoxing.

Here is a link on DTs:

Delirium tremens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Hello Sad, and pleased to "meet" you :)

The signs and symptoms of withdrawl will be different from one person to the next depending on their medical history. People who have a history of high blood pressure will need different medications than those who have problems with their livers. The only way for you to get answers to your medical questions that are correct for _him_ is to call the doctor. Let the doctor know how concerned you are, and that you want to know what to expect.

We don't have any doctors here on Sober Recovery that can give you any kind of medical advice over the internet. All we can tell you is our own personal experience, and to strongly encourage you to call the doc and explain what your worries are.

Am I making sense with that?

Mike :)
Moderator, Sober Recovery

I believe this the same medication that they put my stbxah on while he was in a treatment center. he did take it for approx. 60 days after leaving treatment. I am pretty sure he did not drink during that time....But it was at least 4 months after he stopped taking the campral before he relapsed again.

Sadandhopeless....I do hope things get better....

Here's a link to the campral:
Campral: Strengthens the will to say no

I totally understand where you're coming from when you say "my mood depends on whether he drinks or not". *
OMG...you've got to really work on not doing that.
You're giving him power over your emotions when you do that...letting him control You !
That's power you shouldn't give Anyone (knowingly) !


*I know all too well how difficult it is Not to hinge your moods on his drinking.

I hate to be the party popper on all this, but it seems like everyone is doing something to help except your AH.

It WILL NOT MATTER how much medication he takes, whether you force him to stay in your home, how much counselling he has, he will NOT stop drinking until HE WANTS TO.

Yeah ok, so he began drinking heavy when his dad died of alcoholism? So he began drinking to numb the pain, he is not drinking now because of any of that, now he is drinking because he is ADDICTED. He needs alcohol to make him feel ''normal'', but then he also wants the ''high'' he cannot control it and drinks more and more. This is what alcoholics do.

You cannot force sobriety on an alcoholic. They have got to WANT it, and if he is drinking 4-5 pints of vodka a week, I'm guessing he doesn't.

Stop taking on the responsibility of his problem, that is what is affecting your mood. You are making it YOUR responsibility to heal him, so when he is not drinking YOU feel a ''high'' because you feel you have done your job well, when he is drunk YOU feel a ''low'' because deep down you are making his drinking your responsibility when it IS NOT.

You say you know he wants a different life than this? Where exactly is that coming from.. you? because all you have typed is telling ME that what he wants is to keep drinking, despite the consequences he knows of which is death.

My exabf's mum died of alcoholism which threw my exabf into drinking heavily. As sad as it was for him, he KNEW that drinking heavily lead to death, he had seen it happen with his own eyes, and so had I. Yet he continued drinking. At some point, the excuses do no good. He has to take on the responsibilitiy of what he is doing FOR HIMSELF, you cannot do that for him.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

But he did knowingly hurt you. The first time someone abuses you, you're a victim; the second time, you're a volunteer. Drinking and violence escalate.

A question of more urgency and importance to you is what are the signs and symptoms of spousal abuse?

My AH was prescribed Campral and Naltrexone. Taken together they have proven pretty good results. The biggest problem is compliance. My AH has to take them 3 times through the day. And when he wants to drink, he just doesn't take them. The Naltrexone now comes in an injectable, which is what I was hoping my AH would go get.

But, unfortunately, he confided in his sponsor that he was seeing a shrink (professional abuse doctor with a PhD) and his sponsor told him that was all bunk and that the only thing that will work is to quit cold turkey.

I do agree with his sponsor in that the meds won't work if he doesn't want to quit, and I'm convinced my AH does not want to quit. So, he's probably right. But it's just to easy to stop taking the pills. If my AH was interested in helping sustain through the temptations, I"d like for him to try the injectable, but now it's very doubtful that he will based on what his sponsor has told him.

Welcome Sad glad you are here with us! A lot of great advice above....

This really caught my eye This does not excuse his behavior and the abuse to you! I was pretty physically
abused from my XA and will tell you this that I would say the same thing as you did
in your post-Made up excuses left and right for him! He began to abuse my poor
animals as well throwing one into a wall-Pushing me into walls, doors, cars...grabbing
my wrists, bruises and hitting me with cars-pulling me down on the ground,
trapping me in a car at 130 mph...I cannot even begin to tell that it starts with
bruises and then turns into broken body parts which I will not get into!

Please make sure you keep yourself safe as it sounds as if it may escalate!

IMHO I would stop being so Concerned with his drinking and start putting the focus
on yourself!

I too live in NJ and know there are a lot of ways to get help for YOU-

Al-Anon maybe a good start-even if you just go to listen!

Keep safe! :hug:

In going through this thread one thing really stands out for me- so much is about him- what he's doing, what you think he hopes to do, how he is, what he did, what he's taking, how can it help him. . . IMHO the bigger question should be what can you do for YOU? You say your AH would not knowingly hurt you- he already has and will continue to do so if you let him.

I see that you like coming to this site- and you get the support you need. I also found so much support- once I opened up- from family, friends, a great counselor, al-anon. I'm concerned your focus is so much on him- I hope you can begin to focus on yourself. There is NOTHING you can do for your AH. He is an adult. He will do what he wants to do regardless of the effect on you. Can you understand that all the advice you get for him will not do him a lick of good? You are the only person you can help. (((Take care.)))

Your husband should NOT be taking Zoloft if he is drinking heavily. It has been associated with violent acts when taken with excessive amounts of alcohol.

My husband took Zoloft several years ago and started behaving strangely... and eventually verbally threatened to use a gun if I left with our kids- ... and then went to his office and started beating his head against a wall while screaming profanities and the police had to be called. He had never acted like that before - and later couldn't even remember the episode that had terrified everyone around him...including the police. He stopped taking Zoloft and the aggression disappeared. A few years later he tried taking another antidepressant and as soon as it started to build up in his system, he behaved more aggressively once again. He then switched to another antidepressant and calmed down, but within a few weeks he started to develop jaundice... fortunately it eventually went away when he stopped taking that antidepressant.

There was a case in 1998 of a famous comedian that was shot by his alcoholic wife who then committed suicide while taking Zoloft. Zoloft was implicated as a possible trigger to this event.

When an active alcoholic starts taking antidepressants, it could pose some very serious side effects...including increasing the effects of alcohol, making the depression worse, possible increase suicidal thoughts and aggressive behaviors. My husband never really felt any improvement from depression because of the medications .... only increased negative side effects. Alcohol and anti-depressants just don't mix and the manufacturers usually warn against taking them with excessive alcohol consumption.

I have contacted his physician and therapist. I apologize for seeking medical information. I am new to this so still lerarning. Again i apologize

No need to apologize. You did _exactly_ the right thing by asking for help.

What I was trying to say, and obviously did not say correctly, is that all we are able to give you is our personal experience. When it comes to medical issues SoberRecovery is not able to help. If anybody on SR _does_ give you medical advice it's only out of a desire to be helpful, and you should _only_ get medical advice from a doctor.

Am I making sense with that?

Mike :)

Thank you for that helpful information. It gives me hope that it will at least help him try to stay sober along with therapy and hopefully aa meetings

Hi Mike, yes you are absolutely making sense to me. We are working with a medical doctor and an addiction therapist at this time.

This site is doing wonders for me since I joined. I feel as though I have a place in the world again that I am not all alone. For that i am thankful.:bday8

Thank you for this information. This explains so much of what has been happening. He was never aggressive or violent before. I have been reading and learning that the zoloft and booze mix are a bad combination and can cause episodes like you are describing. I hope your husband is doing better. I wish you luck. Please feel free to email me at any time. I feel like you have been through a lot of the same experience as I have.

In my head I get that 110% - I totally understand he is the only one that can help himself. I am trying each and everyday to make it more about me and less about him, but I know it will take me a while. that is why I came to this site. i hope with each passing day it is more about me and less about him as i have all but forgotten who I am and who i was. I miss the person I used to be and I want that person back. That is my first goal and getting I feel may help him as well should he see I am no longer codependent. I just know it is going to take some time. For me it has always been easier said then done. I want my life back as well. I know I deserve that much. But he is my husband and I married him for better or worse and i really want to try to save my marriage

I am so sorry you had to go through all that. My husband is an extemly submissive person. I have know him for 20 years since I am a child. Believe me when I tell you the way he behaved towards me verbally and physically is not the norm. i did call the police and I did explain to him that I will not stand for that kind of behavior - I am trying to set boundries. I have issues with arguing and pushing him while he is drunk and I know better then to try and fight and or reason with a drunk. Not that I want to excuse his behavior. I am learning to just leave the house when he is drunk and come back the next day when he sobers up that way we are both safe. He has been sober for 3 days not much but a start. His meds are being regulated and he is starting campral. I am trying to be supportive with out enabling or provoking anymore. I have a long road ahead. Thank you so much for your concern and if it happens to me again - i will call the police again and press charges. I deal with and put up with a lot but physical abuse is a no no - no matter how drunk you are. I am not afraid to press charges if i have to.

How is he doing with the drinking now? Is he working a program or in recovery or is he still using?

:codiepolice

Strange, you say your FIRST goal is to help yourself??? - Yet all the posts you responded to were posts regarding HIM, even when you responded to Rella's post about possible abuse within your relationship, you spoke, not about YOU and YOUR issues but about HIM again.

Sounds like you are confused over what helping YOU means. You seem to only hear/read what doesn't ''rock your boat''. Getting your A sober may make life better for you, but that is not what we mean about concentrating on YOU!!!

Are you attending Al-anon? Here on F&F at SR, we are mostly concerned with how you are coping with things, how are you making positive steps for YOU? There are support groups out there for the A.

I admire your commitment to your marriage, it is comendable, but please don't make yourself a martyr to it!! Why don't you make a post that revolves around YOU and doesn't speak about HIM?

Hoping you find serenity and peace
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And I also understand where you are coming from. Believe me- taking the focus off him is very hard. But once you start realizing that you are doing it- focusing too much on him and not enough on yourself, I think you start to grow in more positive ways. One of the results of that can be that it impacts him positively as well. Now- I don't mean to say focus on yourself and he'll decide to be everything you wanted him to be- not at all. It's just that it will allow him to make his own decisions, mistakes and positive steps- while you do the same for yourself.

I really wanted to save my marriage too. Unfortunately it's not meant to be. Through all of this I realize now that I also lost myself and am now trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do with myself. Nothing I did or said could change my STBXAH. He has a mind of his own. He's chosen to wallow in his addiction, and I can no longer live with that. All I can do is take care of me and let him live his life the way he wants to. A hard lesson, but I know I'm going to be ok.

I'm so glad you're here- I learn a lot from your posts and hope you'll continue to share. Take care!

My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. Do you have some very supportive friends that you are confiding in? When my life partnership with my XAW/SO was ended in a traumatic way by her, I reached out to family, friends, and coworkers. Many people, even strangers, stepped forward to help me -- it was miraculous. Is there a reason you've been reluctant to share this with your family? It was not easy for me to reach out to others. I experienced a lot of shame about what happened. People who knew us and heard me express feeling shame immediately told me I had nothing to feel ashamed about. It was so helpful to hear that, and feel their support. Never, ever do you deserve to be assaulted or hurt by your husband.