It's done
 

I did it, and am now divorced. Oh boy, has it been a long 22 months from my hitting my bottom, and 10 months since I filed for divorce. Had my hearing today and like Barbara52 said it was an in and out, over in 10 minute deal. I was nervous but imagined myself surrounded by all my family, friends, alanon people and cyber friends from here. That helped a lot. I prayed my HP would show me what to do and hold my hand and next thing I knew I was divorced and on my way. And I didn't cry...actually felt a big relief and some joy creeping in.

Now that the decree is official, and XAH agreed in said decree to have only 1 beer while with the kids (I wanted zero...but you all know how A's are), and the kids have reported that is not being followed, I now have legal recourse. All my lawyer wants is a letter from the kids' therapist documenting what the kids saw.

I am so grateful for Alanon and this group. :Dance7:

I glad this load is off your shoulders. Another huge step forward for you. Its a bonus that you now have an enforceable document concerning yourxAH's drinking around the kids.

:ghug3

You have come an incredibly long way, Chrysalis! Keep fighting the good fight for those precious kids. You will all be just fine, and perhaps one day their father will see that he truly does have a problem and will want to change. I'm just so darn happy for you :)

Big hugs to you Chrysalis. You've worked so hard, and been through so much, and your future is so bright you're gonna have to wear shades.

:ghug3

I am very happy for you C. It sounds like you are looking at this as a wonderful beginning. And it is!

(I'm putting on MY shades too!)

big hugs!!

I'm so glad to hear you have relief and a sense of joy. I hope I will be there soon. This is a new beginning for you ...I wish you many blessings and joyous, serenity filled days.

Chrysalis
(((hugs)))
I know it's a painful transition you've been going through - but now you are truly on the other side of something that took a lot of courage and strength to get through!

Prayers and good luck for your continued peace of mind.
B.

Woohoo!!! Freedom!!!

Congratulations on your steps forward. I have a question though. Why would the courts say it's ok for him to have one beer? Why is it so important for him to have one beer? What good is one beer to an A? It seems silly and useless to even have that in the document. Is there something I am missing?

Chrysalis, hugs and love to you hunny, it has been a hard journey, but brighter times are ahead for you now.

I don't know who started it but ''the rain has gotta fall for the flowers to grow''!

Keep moving forward, and take care of your kids. I hope you can enforce these rules with your ex with the courts.

Love to you all
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :ghug3

Hi
 

Is it possible the judge himself/herself is an alcoholic ?...and/or your ex's atty. an alcoholic ?
That might explain how it got changed to one beer instead of zero.

I hope your legal recourse is swift !

Initially, the separation agreement read no alcohol for either of us while with the kids. 7 years ago he was in a horrendous car accident involving drugs, alcohol and a loaded gun (I still feel funny telling people that because we are an upper middle class family and to me his behavior reeks of skid row bum!). He nearly died yet denied the toxicology report and said those things can be wrong (I wonder what he thinks when he looks at the prosthetic limb he must wear because of drinking and driving?). The police visited the hospital several times and our home once to discuss charges etc. When XAH showed up at court for the first hearing the charges had been "mysteriously" dropped with the explanation that the arresting officer had resigned and all the paperwork was lost. Because of that XAH did not have a DUI on his record and he was/is a high functioning A using his best manipulative techniques to get what he wants. Having the clause in the separation agreement about no drinking infuriated AH and he was dragging his feet as hard as he could to stop the divorce. It was unbelievable to him that anyone could tell him not to drink. He even said, "I deserve to be able to drink."

In order to get XAH to sign I had to give in to the one beer thing or spend 1000's of dollars more, I didn't have on the lawyer. Ridiculous I know but because he had no documented alcohol problems I was stuck. However, now that it is in the decree something can be done about the drinking, hopefully before anyone gets physically hurt. Maybe my XAH thought he was outsmarting me and declaring "I can do whatever I damned well please." but I think my HP had something else in mind altogether.