It's the potential hurting of himself that I most worry about. Hurtig himself would hurt me too.



Co-dependant No More by Melody Beattie will shed some light on why you do yourself no service worrying about what others do to themselves. It took me 50 years to geddit and the awareness that I have no control over others brings peace.

I was upset a few weeks ago because we aren't married yet. He said he wants to get his **** more together before we tie the knot.

Red flag! Your needs aren't being met.

ARL

How'd he go from this to prince charming in just a few posts? Alanon, SR, and reading Melody Beatty's book "Codependent No More" helped me see how easily I could twist the truth and turn a frog into prince charming in my mind. It's called denial.

I think all our A's were once wonderful guys (why else would such a great group have picked them?) but this thing is progressive, Leo. It really does PROGRESS. And that progression always leads downward, sadly. It just dives and dives and dives...always. The once wonderful man (or woman, or child even) changes from this spiral, and they become someone you don't even know, capable of deceit and abuse and breaking your heart again and again (I keep repeating myself! It must be because of those over-and-over experiences) And if you run the course with it, even as the sober one of the two, you go down with it.

You are here for some reason, Leogirl. What led you here, what link or google-search you took, had you asking a question to people of experience. Our experience is 70% of alcoholics relapse. So your chances of never experiencing your A's drinking are 30%. Your mom probably is aware of these odds, and only wishes for you a happy, loving relationship in life with a man who will cherish you.

Trust your gut intuition, Leo. It is telling you to investigate further, because you are right about this. You need to educate yourself. Try reading the book mentioned, "Codependent No More" and just see if you "see" your relationship in perhaps more than one or two of the descriptions. It's just amazing how eye-opening a little literature can be :)

And listen to your mama. Nobody loves you more...

FD..isnt denial the river in Egypt?

You too funny!

Yeah, and I'm among one of the MANY Cleopatra's who are Queens of Denial! Okay, okay, that was downright corney ....

Well for starters he cheated on me with his exgf, dumped me and now she's pregnant. But there was no 50/50, it was me doing everything for us. He was a financial mess beyond belief. He has zero ambitions to better himself at all and said that living in apt. the rest of our lives wouldn't be so bad. Overall didn't respect me to much to act the way he did towards me. I don't want to live that way. He owe's the world money and does nothing to overall better himself. He's 34 and i'm NOT his mother, he has one. We should have been equal partners and it couldn't have been further from that.

He's been drinking since 16, his values and development stopped there. The unfortunate thing is that i would have sacrificed my life for him and his crappy ways which is MY issue that i'm working on. I now seek therapy weekly, come here and i've been to al anon quite a bit.

Deep down, even after being here and knowing what i know, there's a part of me that still cares and has feelings for him. I'm not sure why, he has major issues that he's ignoring and i can't do anything about it, HE has to for himself. I tried.

But you know what, this could have been the same story without alcohol too, some are just that way. :Val004: hugs to you, keep reading.

I can so relate to this, this is EXACTLY where i was all through our relationship but he wasn't unfortunately. I still got excited when he walked through that door, he just gave up and didn't have it in him anymore. But my case was different, his mind was elsewhere. I thought about him ALL the time and now i know that was a problem for me too.

Maybe he is going through a rough patch, like Anvil said (and she's the best :)) maybe he's hit a bump in his recovery. But like other's have said, take care of YOU, wish i did alot sooner than i did.

Keep at paragraph one, hbb, and paragraph two will almost take care of itself. ((()))

Thank you Denny, i'm trying!! :coaster ((()))


Leogirl, how are you feeling today? How are things going? ((()))