believe this.....
 

As someone that has been with an AW almost 20 years now. they will always be good at talking a good game, and telling you they're going to quit. Just read my posts and you will see how tormented it makes us. The part that scares me for you is when you said she will give up drinking for you. Well, the first thing you need to realize is that their alcoholism is not about YOU, it's about them!!! While it undoubtedly hurts everyone around them, it is up to THEM to deal with the issues and consequences. Our victory comes not when the alcoholic has stopped but rather when we realize that we have lives too and we must start living them, a victory I have not acheived yet but am getting ever so closer to realizing. Please read "Codependant No More", and as with most of us, you may find it to be like reading your own autobiography.

Personally, although I've been with mine for 20 years' it has taken me this long to realize that I have a problem' not just her. 20 years of my shouting, my crying, my covering up her unbelievable stupidity, ALWAYS trying to CONTROL the situation. That's what codependants do....we martyr our own happiness for someone else....try that for 20 years and tell me how much of you is even left!! I have learned alot from this site' it's terrific!! And the people on here are so helpful and have been through it all. Bring "codependant no more", with me everywhere, I plan on not only reading it, I plan on memorizing it, and living by it!! I am also attending AlAnon again tonight, my first time back in several years.

You are on the right track by being on here and attending AlAnon, keep it up and don't forget YOU!!!!

So much said in so little words...
1. quit a FEW times
2. for my EX

Glass/Mr. C, I love it how you get to the point!

I have an abf in my life who has told me numerous times to my face, sincerely, and I believe he really thought love would be enough that he would quit. Said alcohol wasn't as important as losing me, as losing our family. This has been going on since the beginning of our relationship. We have a baby together. Guess what? He's still drinking. I'm not saying she won't be able to do it because there is a small percentage that can quit without a program. I just don't know any of them. I hope you get what you want and she is able to overcome her addiction on her own. Just take care of you in the meantime and go to meetings. She doesn't want you in Al-Anon because it threatens her disease.

Jenny

Yeah, I gotta admit, that was a very sort of "uh, WTF staggering audacity?" moment. It really is funny, don't worry about it.

I was not thrilled about that myself, but I do have SOME boundaries, even if they aren't exactly where they should be, and she's just going to have to suck it up and deal.

Well said Glass.....

I heard this very same thing ALOT from my exabf (sober and drunk) ..... "What ever happened to loving me for me", it's hard to love a shell of a person with hollow, depressed, remorseful, and misserable insides in my opinion, do whats best for you, go to Al Anon, it helps :)