Beer doesn't even taste like alcohol anymore...
 

It tastes like a nice English cup of tea...like the queen should drink it with her pinky finger out. It seems so decent and respectable after drinking straight vodka for so long.
I'm on the beer now...well...what Americans call beer...I don't expect any kind of praise because, honestly, I know any kind of drinking is still bad... but it's a big improvement for me. Over a litre of spirits a day down to 6 beers. Well, 6 beers and half a large bottle of scotch if you count last night...but that doesn't count. Okay, it DOES count...but in generally I've REALLY cut down...a LOT!
I wanna stop completely... I quit the hard stuff because my insides are just dissolving, literally...and this still isn't so great.
My problem is what to do when I'm depressed (I mean really ******* depressed like I'm crying and want to die) or when I'm bored.
I just moved to a new area...I don't know anyone except the local dealer and a few people I work with. I spend nearly all my time inside with nothing to do. I pretty much own nothing...it's all been sold to pay for various addictions. I'm so bored I turn to drink...and if not drink then valium...anything to make the time pass faster. Sometimes drink and a couple valium... that can pass a good 12 hours :/
It's not good.

I pass alot of time here. I used to drink out of boredom too. This is what I do in my peak bordom times. Do you like to read? If so maybe get some books from the library or you might even be able to find a place to download some for free. Not sure about that one.

go to a meeting!

How about a hobbie that doesn't involve drinking or drugging.

Alcohol is alcohol no matter what form it is in.

"My problem is what to do when I'm depressed (I mean really ******* depressed like I'm crying and want to die) or when I'm bored. "

HALT
That's an acronym. It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired.
When you'r feeling out of sorts, it's probably due to one of these physical or emotional reasons. You need to identify what is the cause of the distress you're feeling. Then, deal with what it is.
Getting to a meeting will help you deal with the loneliness, and the drinking that is concerning you.
I wish you the best!
Shalom!

I know we are supposed to KEEP IT HAPPY in here, but, Im sorry,....Im getting kinda sick of hearing people want praise for "cutting down". I mean,..isnt them posting that in here just a way of fishing for the OKAY to drink? They post how they have "cut down" and then sit and wait for us to post back the 'good jobs",....or "Good for you's" Then they think to themselves,..yeah,..Im doing a good thing by drinking this 5th instead of the gallon. If a serial killer only kills 2 people this week, but last week he killed 10, we dont praise him for "cutting down". You need to GET HONEST. Quitting isnt quitting unless you QUIT. Great,...be happy about cutting down,..but we all know it wont last. You will be drinking more and more very soon. And besides,...drunk is drunk. Doesnt matter if its from beer or from liquor. Stop wasting peoples time, and your own.

earlybird,

or, they are looking for someone to admonish them to help them stop that too. If you don't have anyone..... it's not easy.

To Richy, I say congrats on seeing the problem, but you need MORE help too. The big picture is you are doing better, but you have a ways to go. You will find "mostly" support here 99% of the time. Seriously consider doing away with alcohol completely and you will get back so much of the things you have lost over the years.

beer is alcohol = not good stuff

Aaron

Simmer on down earlybird!! Richey SPECIFICALLY said, and I quote, "I don't expect any kind of praise because, honestly, I know any kind of drinking is still bad... but it's a big improvement for me." So if you don't want to praise him, then don't. I'm glad that you have a crystal ball and can tell Richey's future. Perhaps you should be a fortune teller for a living or maybe go to work for the government, they could use someone who can tell the future. If you feel Richey is wasting your time, then feel free to NOT READ HIS POSTS, and certainly don't waste your time responding!! People like you who have all the answers really *iss me off!!

Waste who's time?

No it's not. Just for me, it sounds like you're postponing the inevitable. If your organs really are turning to liquid sh!t, why are you still drinking then?
Oh, I know! I know! Please mister, ask me!

Maybe you're in over your head Richey, and have been for a long time. I did that. And it worked well. Until it stopped working.

Earlybird has a point, mate.
I wish you could see past the twelve hours that seem to frighten you so much. Because on the other side of the valium and the fifth, you'll still be there, you know. Then what?
Your body, and it's ability to fight off the toxins we ingest is finite. Granted, some of us abuse it for decades, like I did, and live to tell the tale. But the price has still been paid. Trust me on that.

Anyway, sorry for the rant earlybird.
And Richey... Just be careful.

Earlybird;
I noticed you're new to SR. Welcome!
Here at SR, we come to help or be helped.
That's our purpose.
There are times when I read a post that disturbs me.
I click a different link. :wink3:
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery! :)
Shalom!

Richey, I don't think I've ever specifically "told" someone to go to AA or NA, but I'm telling you.... go to AA or NA, no excuses, no reasons, just go, and the "worse" you think it is then the harder pressed you get to force yourself to keep going back.....go and listen, just listen, keep going, keep listening.....your about out of options my friend.

I agree with Chy. I think you are a place where you are having to decide whether you want to live or die . I hope you choose to live.

Okay,...no, Im NOT new here. Ive been a member for a year and a half. All I said was that you HAVE TO STOP DRINKING. You know, I never once said I have all the answers. Where you got that, I have no idea. While I agree that this is a place for support, at the same time, that support can also be in the form of checking people on their sh*t when they try to shoot moves. Alcoholics are notorious at that. Part of finally being able to get sober is finally others not letting them get away with B.S.

I read...a lot...but lately (more like the past year) I;ve barely had the attentio span for it...I don't why but I just can't concentrate on anything...especially when I'm sober.

I started cleaning a lot...I used to have severe OCD (I had to pray 24 times before I entered a room and freaky stuff like that) the first few days I kept this place pristine but now it's starting to resemble a squat...it's ******* appauling but I just don't wanna do anything except hide under the covers.

Hungry *tick* angry *tick* lonely *tick* tired *tick*...apatheticfailurewhodoesn'tdeservetolove.. .*TICK*

I don't even know where the meetings are around here...or on what days (they changed around for some reason at my old place between two buildings)

I specifically said in my original post that I didn't want praise and knew any kind of drinking was still bad.
Please don't compare me to a serial killer, that's really unfair and insulting.
Also, I wasn't drunk on the beer...I wasn't sober either but you don't just suddenly get drunk on one beer.
Do you really think it's a waste of time for me to even try to get sober?

I want to go...I think...maybe.
Anyone know that number you call to find out where meetings are in your area?

That's the problem...however many antidepressants or whatever the doctors shove in me...half the time (or more often) I DO want to die...and why would i care about drinking when I'm thinking like that?

I know what you're trying to do...and I appreaciate it, sort of. The thing is though...I've had so many people close to me yell at me and it hasn't made much difference...why do you think you, a stranger on the internet, is going to be anymore affective?

I drank last night...finished off my whiskey...I don't even know why...it was just THERE and I have no self control. I could've tipped it down the sink...sure...but when you do what I do to earn your money it breaks your heart to waste it.
Anyway, too sum it up...I woke up this morning with puke on the floor and I'd pissed the bed. Also, there's **** stains all over the bathroom floor and I don't even remember going to the bathroom. It's all brownish...like my kidneys are busted. Again.
I hate myself like you couldn't imagine. Not to mention there were my only pair of jeans (read: only pair of trousers at all) and i have nothing to wash them with other than a bar of soap and nothing to dry them with. It's almost comical...I don't know whether to laugh or cry...or just hang myself :/

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

0845 769 7555

London
Southern Service Office (London) 2nd floor - Jacob House, 3 Cynthia Street,
London N1 9JF
Telephone (020) 7833 0022
10.00am to 10.00pm daily
Answering machine at other times

Good luck.

Thanks.

I hope you find your way to a meeting today Richey. Soiled or not. They won't care. What really is important that you get some help and get it right away. I bet someone would help you get another pair of trousers and possibly find some people that would help clean your apartment. You need to get yourself on a different path. Your health and mental status aren't going to be able to withstand much more of this. The other day when I first read this thread, I thought that you really didn't want help. That you post here because you are bored and find it entertaining. Now, I think otherwise. I think you are reaching out for help and really want to change. I know you are scared. Get to a meeting and find some people that can help you. There is a solution. Didn't you go to rehab awhile back? Anyone there you can relate to or tools you learned that may help you through these tough times? I don't know? Just trying to come up with some helpful suggestions. I want to see you get better. The only one that can make the changes you need is you. Never give up the fight. You're worth it.

Now we won't be bickering with each other about who posts what. You never know what words we post will be the words that finally make us go "click".

Richey, your day is near late afternoon. Did you call? Rather then go find another bottle, get your place cleaned up, use the bar of soap to clean your clothes, and hang them out to dry, just sprucing things up will make you feel better....and just for the rest of the day please try hard to not drink. You know there is help Richey, and I'm thinking your about ready for it. Take control back, it's in you to do so.

Chy, I agree with you about trying to clean up the outside. It really can make a person feel a little more positive and "together". A little boost of self image.
And maybe some help and support for the mental health side too. Mental illness makes things so much more difficult. Maybe some folks from that side of the pond may know of some resources? Millwall? Andy F? Anyone?

Doorknob

Had a bit of a disaster on the jeans front...poured disinfectant on them but it dried in a weird kind of gel so i dumped them in the shower but then they were all wet so i had to get in the shower with all my blothes on so they matched but it was freezing outside so i put them in the oven which dried them pretty well but burned me a bit...nothing bad though. Only i didn't get all that weird disinfectant out and now I have a rash that burns all down my legs...i look on the bottle and it says it's not allowed to get on skin and is especially poisonous to cats o_O which is ****** up because my gran used to use disinfectant in her bath.
Anyway, I went to a meeting in soggy trousers and my thighs on fire but i got them dried under the hand dryer before i went in.
Didn't speak until coffee. Didn't realise how hungry I was until I'd had a biscuit and coffee and kept taking more biscuits until my friend (she's a great friend from hospital but I never spoke to her since I left) asked me when was the last time I ate and invited me around her place to eat. She's *ahem* rather large and omg she had so much food lol (I feel mean saying that, but it's true!) We had a really massive pizza and it was soooo good to get something insideof me. I'm back at my place now because she had to pick up her kids from school and didn't want me around them...which I guess i understand. She gave me some food...frozen stuff like chips and pizzas. I'm gonna pay her back by doing her some housework as she's disabled by her weight and can't do much. To be honest...I woulda done it for free I was just so glad to have a break from myself and my house and life.
I'm back here now and I have tidied up a bit. I cleaned the bathroom and kitchin but I got massive stomach cramps after the kitchin so I'm not doing anymore today.
I have her number and she has mine but I hope she calls first because I already feel weird enough imposing on someone I don't know all the well :/

Anyone got any ideas how I can get rid of this rash? It really itches and evenw ater makes it sting/burn and I can't get to the doctors as it's miles away.