I'm going to that party. There is no way I'm not. I just hope I don't drink because honestly I would rather not throw away nearly 3 years clean. I will write more when back at home...

Honestly if a person has been sobe nearly 3 years and still can't socialize with the few people left that they know, what's the point? I mean I might as well crawl under a rock or same difference, be dead.

sounds like you've convinced yourself your two choices are to go to the party or never connect with people again.
You don't need me to tell you what a false premise that is.

I bet you could find something else to do this weekend and people to do it with that wouldn't be as risky for your recovery.

Not going to this party doesn't mean you'll never go to a party again. It just means that right now you have the self awareness that you're struggling with mental health and with your recovery.

3 years or 30 years we need to be vigilant. And we need to work some kind of programme or plan that keeps us healthy in all respects - mental and physical. We can't always be happy but we can be at peace I think.

We need to strive for that place where we know drinking is not the answer, no matter what the question

We can resent that all we like but thats the bottom line, man.

I have 15 years and I don't go to every party I have an invite to.

Sometimes I don't like the people.
Sometimes I just can't be bothered getting myself in party shape.
and sometimes I just know it will be a drink and/or drug affair.

Its not for me and I'm not interested.

If you don't look out for yourself D noone else will.

D

Do you exercise at all?

I like to get a good, hard run or a good weightlifting session in before that kind of a situation.

I've had many nights that I would walk into the gym and feel like a lamb, just not wanting to see people at all. I would just push through and crank up the intensity and feel like a lion by the time I left.

Almost like walking in a bar and drinking but I don't have to worry about getting too crazy, getting arrested, hangovers etc. I use to always have tremendous anxiety walking in a bar. Even a familiar one. I would need to get really drunk, really fast.

To me exercise is a natural drug that i don't think any artificial drugs can match when you weigh all the factors. Like alcohol, something in me changes after a workout but its all for the better.

okay, so you’re going to the party.
and you hope you won’t drink.
hm...hope isn’t gonna do the trick. but if you really are decided to go, you could add a whole bunch of action to that vague hope and turn this into a sober event for yourself.
- make sure you have a non-alcoholic drink in your hand at all times
-make sure you have access to an easy exit if things get iffy
-find someone there who’s not drinking and hang with them

that kind of thing.

all that being said, check your real motives of why oh why you’re going.

Not a good idea.

Sunday is all well and good....what will you do when Monday comes around? You mention about playing the tape backwards which is useful in some situations. At this point I think you should be playing it forwards and realising where this is going to land you. You say that you have some issues around social awkwardness. There are ways and means how to address it. Playing chicken with your sobriety isnt one of them.

3 years clean - did you ever imagine when you quit you would be saying '3 years clean' that's really something - a party is just a party -

Great point Dusty!

You can socialize with them - maybe.

What is it about this particular group of people that is making you think you have to drink alcohol around them?

I still socialize with people. Drinking is not part of that.

I think once you get there you'll be fine. I find that the anticipation of parties makes me a bit anxious - or maybe it's actually excited. They feel the same in the body, anxiety and excitement. My go-to "cure" for anxiety used to be alcohol. So now I have to un-couple that mental association.

My new "treatment" is to do nothing and just let the feeling be. I don't have to put something in my mouth to change my feelings.




How did it go Amnesiac?

I' m thinking of you too, Amnesiac.

I bought a pint of JD. $16 bucks for a pint. Shocking how much liquors gone up.

I have not drank it.

if my cousin doesn't come into town (he's in North MN and there's snow expected thus weekend) I might just drive there, drop off some gifts and tell them my anxiety/mental health isn't right and then leave.


I don't know. I asked this guy at work if I could buy a Xanax from him but he wouldn't do it.


neuron tin doesn't quite cut it for me.


I have bought the pint but I haven't drank it. Will have to see how tomorrow goes. This get-together is on Sunday.

sounds a little like you've primed the bomb and are throwing lit matches around man.
Drinking/drugging never fixed anything for you before - why do you think it might now?

Despite what you've been telling yourself this doesn't have to end in you drinking.

D

I mean this sincerely and it comes from my heart and a place of empathy because i have been there and can relate
So if things go poorly... you are going to continue the trend that was started by a poor outcome... and treat yourself poorly by drinking?

Hey, just please don’t. I’m new here but I just ended my 9 days and feel horrible. I couldn’t imagine 3 years and done.

I’m cheering for you to stay the course

hate to be cliché but.....this too shall pass

1. We drank to 'handle' uncomfortable situations. We don't drink anymore. We might hate the discomfort of our own self-centered shame, fear, awkwardness, but we've learned we can live through these seemingly unbearable situations. You can and should ditch the pint and go (or not go) to the party sober.
2. I wish I had a second thing, but the best other thing I have is just Never Drink Now. Each moment is Now. You're not drinking right now, right? Keep doing that - over and over and over again. Time passes. You can get through the time one moment at a time.

Think the drink through. How fast it takes to go off the rails. Drink on an empty stomach, get blown away and become absolutely insane instantly. Legally, financially, emotionally responsible for a crazy person that you have no control over. Drink on a full stomach, not working quickly enough, feel like crap early, end up consuming an insane amount of alcohol. Many times the physical pain of a hangover was the least of my problems.

There must be a reason you stopped drinking in the first place.

Alcohol use to be so wonderful for me in the old days. I had lots of mental issues and all I knew was a few drinks would take all of that away. Over time it stopped working the way that it use to. It was less and less ease and comfort and more and more problems. I hear this over and over and over again. We don't stay sober for years, drink, and go right back to the 14 year old that thinks they just found the secret to life. We drink, and usually quickly, go right back to the broken person that was on day 0.

Sometimes we hit a wall in recovery and feel something needs to change. When you have a mental obsession to drink that has been on the back burner this is a time for it to resurface. Our obsession says put me in coach. We feel we need change as quickly as possible and sometimes the is this for the better escapes us.

You probably need some kind of change but what? I'm just some guy on a recovery forum. I can't really tell you in particular what is best..... but from I've seen. Out of all the things to change, your status of non drinker to drinker is likely not the best change. This makes things worse.

I think the answer or answers are likely in methods of recovery and ways to handle social anxiety. There are other ways to handle these things then by drinking.

No one ever died from social anxiety. It's just discomfort.



Alcohol has killed millions.

I hope you make the right choice here. Get rid of that pint.

Who is going to be at that party that has you so anxious? You say they're your friends - if they are your friends they would not want you to hurt yourself.