LateBloominCait | 01-26-2021 05:36 AM | I wasn't out of the woods until I stopped thinking alcohol was a good thing that I was missing out on. Until that happened, I was really just white knuckling it until I relapsed. The difference now is that if someone told me that all my health issues were gone and that addiction would no longer be an issue, I still wouldn't pick up another drink because I fully understand that everything I thought alcohol did for me that was positive was a lie or was something I can do better sober. For example, going to a party sober a few times helped me realize that alcohol does not actually make people more fun or interesting. You just think you are fun and interesting when you are drunk and think other drunks are fun too. When you are sober you realize that drunk people have boring, repetitive and circular conversations that they don't remember even a half hour later (hence them being circular. So many conversations are repeated word for word). You don't really connect with those people, you just pass the time with them. Also the idea that booze help relax you is just a straight up medical lie. Alcohol is what causes the anxiety, it does not cure it, not even for a few minutes. We drink with the promise that we will be happier in a few minutes, but even if we reach that mythical relaxed state with alcohol, it lasts about half an hour and then we either need to drink more or we start the hangover process. I am done with the ups and downs in my life.
Five years ago, I might have said I was done with drinking, but seeing other people indulge made me jealous and angry. I was angry that I had a problem and angry that I couldn't just have a few like other people. Now I see those people and feel a passing sympathy for them knowing that I will wake up clear-headed and energetic tomorrow and they will wake up with a headache. Living sober means I get so much more out of each day of life. I wouldn't go back to being drunk if you paid me. That said, I will probably continue to work on my sobriety and my mindset for the rest of my life. Complacency can be a dangerous thing for me. |